Take Up Your Cross...

And Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." This is quoted from Matthew 16:24. Today I was again reminded of Jesus unfailing love for me. I was making my way home from work today, when I saw a group of young men and women carrying crosses throughout downtown Lincolnton. What a sight this was. I quickly honked my horn and waved at them. I couldn't help but to wonder what it must have been like to be a disciple, sitting at a table with the Messiah and having what would be their last supper together. My mind begin to quickly wonder. How much different am I from Judas and Peter? Every day I fall short of this glory, and yet he was willing to die for me on a cross! He was ridiculed, beatten and denied. He was made a mockery of and yet, even at that moment, he knew that was the only way to save me of my sins. His blood was shed for me, so that I might have eternal life. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is. My mind drifted to the Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder what must have been going through Judas mind when he betrayed Jesus that night with a kiss? I wonder what it must have been like to be the  soilder who had his ear cut off by Peter and then healed by Jesus? What were his thoughts? How many times could Jesus have said no, and in one instant everything could have stopped? But no, he didn't he said "not my will, but yours be done" He did not petiton his Father. He prayed earnestly. He obeyed his Father and he did it without complaint.
He allowed the soilders to take him. He allows the jewish leaders to condemn him, and yet he still acknowledges that he is the son of God. He did this all for you and me. He allows Pontius Pilate to give him a death sentence. The days to follow, Jesus would endure unmeasureable pain. I can't even begin to fathom the pain and sufferning he endured. They placed a crown of thorns upon his head and before he is nailed to the cross a sign is written simply stating "INRI" meaning King of the Jews. How many times do we make a mockery of him? I wonder what it must have been like to be a part of the crowds that day? Would I pick up my cross and follow him, or would I be among those yelling "crucify him"?
I think about Mary and how her heart must have been shattered into a million pieces. She knew what was happening to her son, and yet she could do absolutely nothing about it. What if I were in her shoes? I then began to think about the two criminals that were also crucified that day, one on the left and one on the right side of Jesus. To hear Jesus utter the words to the one "truly I say to you, that today you shall be with me in paradise." Even while Jesus is hanging on a cross in agony and pain beyond belief, he shows his love for all man kind. This criminial now had assurance that he would be by Jesus side.
My mind then comes to Jesus. I try to put myself in that place that very day. My mind has often dwelt among this. All the depictions that I have ever seen, seem to be the first things that run through my head. I picture the sky as a deep dark grey, I can see the three crosses, but it has always been hard for me to visualize the criminals. I seem to be fixated upon Jesus. I see a man in a purple robe, he appears lifeless. It hurts me to look upon his body. I can see blood literally pouring from him, and the crown of thorns driven into his head. His eyes always seem to stand out because even though his body appears lifeless, his eyes have seen the glory. That is what I envision when I think about the cross. I think about God's love and the compassion he had in his heart even while hanging there. He suffered, bled and died for me, but mostly I think about these words "it is finished." God had paid the ultimate penalty, he gave his life for mine.
I hope that when you think of the cross, you think about God's love for you. I hope that you too have your own depiction of what it must have been like that day. Most of all, I want you to remember that his story does not end there. On the third day, Jesus rose again, and he is still alive today. Let that not be forgotten!
And Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." When can we say "It is finished?"

Memories of a Photograph

A book of memories, that is what a photo album is to me. One would be amazed at the things you could find while cleaning my house. This is a daily rountine for me. Life as a Mom is a never ending task, but for a moment I am taken back. I am reminded of good days and the memories, like a flood, come rushing back to me. I slowly make my way through dozens of old photos. They are mainly of me, old time friends, and family. Each photo taken has a memory of it's own. It's like a time capsule compiled in one big book. I stare at each recalling the specific time and date that is was taken. Some of are prom and old boyfriends. Some of youth trips, and some of me and my BFF goofing off. I sit and think about those days. Seems like it was just yesterday. I stare at those photos and wonder what I was thinking at the exact moment that memory was captured. I smile for a minute. It amazes me how much I have changed and grown as a person.
I flip through the photos some more and come across pictures of Jeremy and I when we first started dating. Man I wish I was the same size now! That is the first thought that pops into my head. I look a little more and I am taken back to camping trips, car shows, and vacations that I hoped would never end. Man where has the time gone? Why didn't someone tell me I was getting fat? Haha...
I look a little further and it's like the years have jumped ahead. There are pictures of James everywhere. Seems like everyday was a photo shoot. Give me a camera and I become the paparazzi. There are photos from the time he was born till now. I look at each photo and realize how much he has grown. I stare at those longs locks of hair and BIG blue eyes. I am grinning from ear to ear. These photos are much more then just memories to me. They are my life. It's like a story book waiting to be read. Each photo is different and each photo has it's own story to tell. There can never be enough. From time to time I am sure I will come back to these photos. I hope the memories are just as sweet. Until then, these are the memories of a photograph.

Happy 4th Birthday James

It is exactly 4 days until my lil Man, James turns 4 years old. It seems like just yesterday I had him swaddled in blankets and wrapped up closely in my arms. I can still remember looking down at him with amazement. He too, would look up and just stare into my eyes. James was a happy baby. Always content and always smiling. He has brought so much joy into mine and Jeremy's lives. My little bundle of perfection! I cannot praise God enough for bringing this child into the world and for allowing me to call him mine.
I sit here wondering what the next 4 years will bring. I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn. While I am happy for these moments, I am also saddened at the same time. I look back on all the days that have so quickly gone by and wonder where did all that time go? Right now, James is so sweet and innocent. To him our world is perfect, nothing can harm him. He looks to his Mommy and Daddy for everything. We are his Rockstars and I hope that is something that will never change. I think about James growing into a young man and it makes me wonder how much he will want to do with his Mom? I know pretty soon it will be all about Daddy and "boy' stuff. I guess deep down inside it makes me feel less needed. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I just want to bottle all of life's precious moments and keep them to myself.
I thank the Lord for giving my Butterbean another year with his family. I would be so lost with out him. I look forward to seeing that beautiful face each morning that God allows me to awake. He is my miracle from above and I love him to pieces. Even after 4 years I find myself starring in awe over him. Sometimes it feels like I am lost in a deep dream...I hope this dream never ends, as this is the best dream ever. I pray that I never take him and his love forgranted. Shame on me if I ever do. I will never forget when the doctor placed him in my arms for the very first time. This fragile little life was mine. I was now a Mom and Jeremy was a Dad. These are the moments that are forever embeded in your heart. Those moments speak to your soul and you are forever changed. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me, Dallas to be the Mother of this precious and loving child. I remember looking at Jeremy, then back at James and thinking to myself we are now our own little family. I thank God for the both of them.
I cannot say what the next 4 years has to offer, but I do know that I have been richly blessed. Blessed beyond recognition. I pray my Monkey has a blast on his Birthday. I cannot wait to see that little face lite up. Happy Birthday, James Ryan Welch. You are loved more then you could possibly know.
Love,
-Mommy-