You Can't Steal My Joy!

This week has been one for the books to say the least. This week has been a whirlwind of emotions for many reasons. Monday, I took the day off as school is now in session. James is now in the 2nd grade. This was the first time I have not walked my son to his classroom. Instead we took our normal back to school pictures and this time we said our goodbyes to one another in the car. I told him I loved him and hoped and prayed that he had a great first day. That was Monday. The rest of the week...well let's just say I was ready for it to be done and over with. I have been so HURT by friends that finally I just had to throw my hands up and give it all to God. This week had me questioning whether or not it truly pays to be kind anymore? Here lately it just seems to bite me in the butt every single time. Seems that all the A-holes out there get what they want when they want it, so why should I continue to be kind? I have cried every day this week and honestly Thursday night was my breaking point. I was getting in my car to leave work and all the emotions from the week finally caught up with me. I was more than just angry, now I was bitter. Not a place you want to be. If given the chance, I probably would have punched someone in the face. At least that would have released some of the anger. You see I am the type of person who holds stuff in, but if pushed enough I will eventually explode. Typically this means someone gets caught up in the cross fire...someone that doesn't deserve to be yelled at. Thursday night was different though. Instead of exploding...I sobbed. And by sobbed, I mean balled like a baby. Finally enough was enough. Lets just say I was feeling pretty sorry myself. I had a lot of "why" questions this week. And yet, I still don't have those answers, I know that my problems fail in comparison with someone else. It was in that moment...balling like a baby that I realized someone else has it way more worse than me. Someone out there is laying on their death bed. Someone just lost their job. Someone is sleeping in the streets. Someone is worried where they will get their next meal. A child is dying from cancer or is living a life that no child should ever have to endure. The list goes on and on and on. Yes, I still have my many why questions and perhaps I will never get the answers I want/need. Truth is I know I will be hurt again, but at least I know I have a Father who sees every tear, he hears ever prayer and he loves me for me. If the God of this universe can give me chance after chance, then I know I can do the same. I also know that these people that hurt me will have to face and deal with their own transgressions. Yes this week has been a terrible week for one reason or another, but today I choose to forgive. And in forgiving I have somehow found freedom. You see these people who have wronged me won't be allowed to take control over how I feel. Like I said, they will have to face and deal with their own transgressions. With that being said...I will continue to be me. These people didn't steal my joy, nor will I allow them too. As for me, I will continue to let my light shine and I have hope in knowing that the God of the universe will be right here with me in the good and bad times.