To My Mammaw

Today I said my final earthly goodbye to my 85 year old Mammaw, Margaret Anne Dulin. She was reunited with her love, Larry Dulin Senior and her son, John Banks Dulin. A reunion which I am sure was a glorious one. My Mammaw had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and these past few months have been nothing but a battle for her. Not only with her memory, but her health. She dealt with many blood clots which caused her to be in and out of the hospital. On Friday, October 25th, 2019 that battle came to end, as the good Lord called her home. No more Alzheimer's, no more clouded judgement. This Christmas Eve will mark seven years since my Pawpaw was also called home. I can only imagine the look on her face as my Pawpaw embraced her, pulled her close, and called her his "Shug". Today as family and friends filled the church that she and my Pawpaw once attended, lots of emotions were felt. As I peered in the casket where she lay, I couldn't help but think the person laying there looked nothing like her. My Mammaw was always proper and very well dressed. There wasn't much that she would let anyone get away with. Even as her grandchild, you best know that she was watching your every move. You knew you had better be on your best behavior when around her, or I assure you, the rath of Mammaw would rain down upon you. My Mammaw may have been a petite woman, but she didn't take any crap off anyone. TRUST me, you did not cross this woman. Nor did you sit in "her" chair. It's typical for the man of the house to have their own recliner or spot, but in the Dulin household, Mammaw ran the roost! Though a strict disciplinary, my Mammaw also showed compassion and love. I remember her picking me up and placing me in her lap and reading story books. I will never forget the look on her face when she held my son, James in her arms. Her great grandchild. I remember in the seventh grade, after my appendectomy, I was only allowed to take 1/2 days at school. My Mammaw took on the responsibility of picking me up. She would take me back to her house where we would watch soaps together. She let me lay on the couch and rest, which if you knew my Mammaw, you didn't do. Children were to sleep at night, not during the day. During those days at her house, I got to drink sweet tea and eat pimento cheese sandwiches. Nobody makes sweet tea and pimento cheese like my Mammaw! And don't get me started on her fudge! Ummmm, I can taste it now! This evening, after we lay her to rest and made the drive home, tears streamed down my face. Yes, I cried during the service, but these tears were different. These were tears of worry and fear. Worry that the traditions passed down through the years would somehow disappear. Fear that our family, the Dulin family, would simply fall through the cracks. For years and for as long as I can remember it has always been tradition that we join together for lunch on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve, we all know we are going to Mammaw and Pawpaw's house for snack foods and presents. It's a given. Now what will become of our family? Our traditions? My heart is saddened. So many questions. My Pawpaw and my Mammaw were the glue that held us together. I don't want those traditions to simply fade away. I don't want to be that family that only sees one another at weddings or a funeral. I want those traditions to continue. I want my Mammaw and Pawpaw to know that they have instilled values in us and that we will continue to take pride in the Dulin name. I want my son and his cousins to remember where those traditions started, so that they too can have traditions of their own. I don't want my family to disappear. We already have so many things that we take for granted. Family shouldn't be one. I keep asking God to send me a sign that all will be okay. I kept looking today at the grave site...just show me a deer Lord...just one deer. I have yet to see any, but I know God will not disappoint. He never does. While its tempting for me to ask for a sign, I know that my Mammaw and Pawpaw are looking down upon us. I know that they love us and they know that we love them. There presence will be greatly missed in the days ahead. I pray that their memory lives on within each of us. I pray for my Dad and my Aunts. I pray that God grants them strength, wisdom and understanding. I pray that God would mend their broken hearts. I pray that our family would only grow closer together. I pray that I always cherish having Anne as my middle name. I pray that I never forget time spent at the beach surrounded by my loved ones and the memories are forever etched in my mind. The beach house at Oak Island will always hold a special place in my heart. When I walk the beach, I will remember the fishing boat "Lady D", I will remember the sea shells we gathered and placed on the front porch. I will remember the ocean air that blew through my hair in the front bedroom and how we fault over who would sleep in that room. I will remember the hard work poured into that house and how our family built it with their own hands. I will look for your foot prints in the sand, and I will know that you are watching over me. And someday, if it be God's will, I pray that funds be provided, so that house that is so dear to me, will once again be a part of our family. May you know that you are loved and greatly missed. You will always be our Mom, Mammaw, Memaw and Nana...Until we meet again!

Life

Is it just me or has LIFE just really been hard these past few weeks? I am not one to share much in regards to my PERSONAL life. Yes, I am the type to ask for prayers and I am not afraid to let people know that I am hurting. However, there are certain things that I keep to myself. If I confide in you, you best know that I trust you. These past few weeks LIFE has really hit me. I have faced many challenges and at the current moment I still am. My comfort level, my safe zone and my bubble have completely been in an uproar. I have always looked at life as the glass is half full. It takes A LOT to bring my spirits down. I am not one who is easily angered and I have always been one to wear a smile on my face. These past weeks my emotions have been ALL over the place. One minute I am fine and the next I am balling my eyes out. My place of work has experienced a lot of changes and I have lost several co-workers who mean the world to me. I get that it's just a business, but when someone has been a part of your every day life for nearly seven years, YES it affects you. These people were my go to people. The people who always showed kindness, love, grace, mercy and were always there to lend a helping hand. The kind of people who pray for you...no questions asked. If I am being honest, I really feel like I have been attending a non-stop funeral. I am not saying I will never see these people again, our bonds of friendship are much stronger than that. It's the fact that they were "my" people. I know in this life I will experience many challenges and change is almost always certain. I am always open to change and I can easily adapt, it's just the getting there part that makes it hard. I try to remind myself that things could be much worse. I know that EVERYONE deals with certain storms. I am just hopeful that mine will soon come to end. Work is just one of a million things that I am emotionally dealing with. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I praise God for it! So today, I extend a prayer for all those who are dealing with LIFE at the current moment. I ask that God grant you wisdom and knowledge. I pray for peace for all those hurting. I pray for an abundance of strength. I pray for understanding. I pray for comfort and that the healing process would quickly begin. I pray that we always see beauty in all of life's many storms and I pray that we always come out stronger, bolder and more beautiful because of it. Please God hear our prayer. You already know our hearts. Today and always I pray that we let our FAITH be BIGGER than our fear.

Laughter

We have all heard the saying "Laughter is the best medicine." This saying couldn't be more true. This week I have been busy cleaning out and getting rid of things that are no longer of use to me. It is AMAZING what you find while cleaning! Things that you totally and completely forgot about. Things that you purchased years ago and you contemplate...What the heck was I thinking? This was me the other evening as I was cleaning out the Master bedroom closet. I found so many things that I had purchased and it was like Christmas Day all over again. Many items still had tags on them...which tells me...I have a HUGE shopping addiction. Ha! While busy cleaning, I came across a Halloween costume that I had purchased for my son, James. It was a clearance item and it seems I had failed to give it to my son when he had asked for it. I wondered if it would even fit him, but much to my surprise, it did. The costume was made to reflect one of those inflatable advertisement blow ups. My son put this thing on and I tell you what...I laughed and I laughed. It was a sight for sore eyes to say the least. I thought for sure he would grow tired of it, but boy was I wrong. Last night after work, James anxiously ran inside and put this costume on. He went back outside and stood near the end of our driveway. Please note that we live off the main road and it's a high traffic area, especially between 5 and 6 at night. Never in my life have I seen so many people smiling and laughing as they drove on by. So many people honked their horns. I was able to catch this all on video. I barrel rolled with laughter as I stood and watched. My son was definitely putting on a show. It was amazing to me seeing all these people pass by with huge smiles on their face. Something as simple as a costume and my son were able to make the world a little bit brighter for a moment. This is something I will never forget. I posted the live feed video to my facebook page an so many people have already commented on it. It definitely was a pick me up. I needed that reminder...a reminder that it's okay to have fun and make others laugh. Life is meant to be celebrated. We don't have to be so serious all the time. I know it sure put a smile on my face. It just proves once more, that laughter really is the best medicine. It was good for my soul and it sure blessed my heart. Thankful for little things, but even more thankful for my son and his willingness to spread laughter to others.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom, I want you to know today and always how much you mean to me. I hope my actions and my words show you just how much I love and appreciate you. I am forever grateful that God choose me to be your daughter. I am so very blessed. From day one you have showed me what true love looks like. You have showered me with your prayers and always want the very best for me. You never give up and are always there to put a smile on my face when I am feeling down. You are my biggest fan. You make the worst of days seem like they are nothing and remind me that better days are coming. You have always put your girls first and made sacrifices so that we may have. You support me. You are my biggest cheerleader. I remember how you would sneak into my room when I was much younger and offer me midnight snacks...mainly pizza...and for that my stomach and I are very thankful. You were there to wipe my tears and tell me that my heartache would soon be replaced by something even better. You make the BEST grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. You are my biggest and best role model. There is no replacing you. I want you to know that you have gone above and beyond your duties when it comes to being my Mother. Your love for God inspires me to be a better person. I love how you let your light shine and aren't afraid to speak your mind. I love that people say I have the cool Mom. That one never gets old. I love that you are a woman of morals. You have never changed who you are to benefit from someone or something. You are a woman of integrity. You show compassion on a daily basis. You are kind, gentle and easy spoken, but you also know how to put your foot down. I love to see you laugh because that means you are happy and you are here with me. I love how the simplest of things relax you...like a pedicure or someone rubbing your back. I love that every year you still give us gifts from Santa. You have always spoiled us...in a good way. You also taught me that I have to work in order to have nice things. You don't accept laziness and for that I am extremely grateful. You are one of the best cooks I know, and I'm not jus saying that because you are my Mom. Speaking of...Country Style Steak sounds REAL good. Maybe when I'm not doing the dieting thing. :) My only hope is that I can be half the Mom to James that you are to me. Always know that you did and are still doing a GREAT job. God sure knows what he is doing. You are more than just my Mom...you are one of my closet friends. For you, I will always be grateful. I pray I never take you for granted. I love you Mom, today and always. Love, O'Malley

Love Is

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 No matter how you look at it, love truly is one of life's greatest gifts. Valentines Day has and probably always will be one of my favorite times of year. Even when I was single, I still looked forward to the holiday. I greatly enjoy sitting back and watching others as they show their love and compassion toward another. Love is a beautiful thing, if you just open your eyes and pay attention to it. There is no other stronger force between two beings. Love can also either make you or break you. Either way, in my eyes, its always better to have loved. One of my favorite activities is people watching. I enjoy sitting back and watching elderly couples. I love seeing how fragile hands intertwine with one another. Love is a spectacular thing, and I am blessed in the fact that my heart belongs to another. Love can be found in the simplest of things...a smile, a look, a touch. It's not something that can ever be bought and to me is more precious than anything in this world. Love is powerful. Love will make you do things you never thought you would do before. Love has no limits or boundaries. Love is a bond like no other. It is an unconditional commitment to another. Love isn't just a decision, it's a promise. Love doesn't judge you, but instead chooses to embrace the mess we really are. Love is wanting wants best for someone, even if it doesn't include you. It's looking into another's eyes and feeling completely safe. Love is acceptance. Love is hopeful. Love is a friend. Love is an encourager. Love is kindness. Love is gentleness. Love is patient. Love truly is a blessing. Love is being there for someone, even when they have let you down time and time again. Love is forgiveness. Love is holding each others hands, back rubs, and wiping away tears. Love is laughter. Love is faithful. Love is magical. Love is safety. Love is comfort. Love is emotional. Love is affectionate. Love is fearless. Love is... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.