To My Mammaw

Today I said my final earthly goodbye to my 85 year old Mammaw, Margaret Anne Dulin. She was reunited with her love, Larry Dulin Senior and her son, John Banks Dulin. A reunion which I am sure was a glorious one. My Mammaw had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and these past few months have been nothing but a battle for her. Not only with her memory, but her health. She dealt with many blood clots which caused her to be in and out of the hospital. On Friday, October 25th, 2019 that battle came to end, as the good Lord called her home. No more Alzheimer's, no more clouded judgement. This Christmas Eve will mark seven years since my Pawpaw was also called home. I can only imagine the look on her face as my Pawpaw embraced her, pulled her close, and called her his "Shug". Today as family and friends filled the church that she and my Pawpaw once attended, lots of emotions were felt. As I peered in the casket where she lay, I couldn't help but think the person laying there looked nothing like her. My Mammaw was always proper and very well dressed. There wasn't much that she would let anyone get away with. Even as her grandchild, you best know that she was watching your every move. You knew you had better be on your best behavior when around her, or I assure you, the rath of Mammaw would rain down upon you. My Mammaw may have been a petite woman, but she didn't take any crap off anyone. TRUST me, you did not cross this woman. Nor did you sit in "her" chair. It's typical for the man of the house to have their own recliner or spot, but in the Dulin household, Mammaw ran the roost! Though a strict disciplinary, my Mammaw also showed compassion and love. I remember her picking me up and placing me in her lap and reading story books. I will never forget the look on her face when she held my son, James in her arms. Her great grandchild. I remember in the seventh grade, after my appendectomy, I was only allowed to take 1/2 days at school. My Mammaw took on the responsibility of picking me up. She would take me back to her house where we would watch soaps together. She let me lay on the couch and rest, which if you knew my Mammaw, you didn't do. Children were to sleep at night, not during the day. During those days at her house, I got to drink sweet tea and eat pimento cheese sandwiches. Nobody makes sweet tea and pimento cheese like my Mammaw! And don't get me started on her fudge! Ummmm, I can taste it now! This evening, after we lay her to rest and made the drive home, tears streamed down my face. Yes, I cried during the service, but these tears were different. These were tears of worry and fear. Worry that the traditions passed down through the years would somehow disappear. Fear that our family, the Dulin family, would simply fall through the cracks. For years and for as long as I can remember it has always been tradition that we join together for lunch on Thanksgiving. On Christmas Eve, we all know we are going to Mammaw and Pawpaw's house for snack foods and presents. It's a given. Now what will become of our family? Our traditions? My heart is saddened. So many questions. My Pawpaw and my Mammaw were the glue that held us together. I don't want those traditions to simply fade away. I don't want to be that family that only sees one another at weddings or a funeral. I want those traditions to continue. I want my Mammaw and Pawpaw to know that they have instilled values in us and that we will continue to take pride in the Dulin name. I want my son and his cousins to remember where those traditions started, so that they too can have traditions of their own. I don't want my family to disappear. We already have so many things that we take for granted. Family shouldn't be one. I keep asking God to send me a sign that all will be okay. I kept looking today at the grave site...just show me a deer Lord...just one deer. I have yet to see any, but I know God will not disappoint. He never does. While its tempting for me to ask for a sign, I know that my Mammaw and Pawpaw are looking down upon us. I know that they love us and they know that we love them. There presence will be greatly missed in the days ahead. I pray that their memory lives on within each of us. I pray for my Dad and my Aunts. I pray that God grants them strength, wisdom and understanding. I pray that God would mend their broken hearts. I pray that our family would only grow closer together. I pray that I always cherish having Anne as my middle name. I pray that I never forget time spent at the beach surrounded by my loved ones and the memories are forever etched in my mind. The beach house at Oak Island will always hold a special place in my heart. When I walk the beach, I will remember the fishing boat "Lady D", I will remember the sea shells we gathered and placed on the front porch. I will remember the ocean air that blew through my hair in the front bedroom and how we fault over who would sleep in that room. I will remember the hard work poured into that house and how our family built it with their own hands. I will look for your foot prints in the sand, and I will know that you are watching over me. And someday, if it be God's will, I pray that funds be provided, so that house that is so dear to me, will once again be a part of our family. May you know that you are loved and greatly missed. You will always be our Mom, Mammaw, Memaw and Nana...Until we meet again!