Today I Write

Today I sit behind this key board and I write. I pray that the emotions that I am feeling will somehow make it to this page. In this moment, my heart is shattered. Shattered becasue there is NOTHING I can do to fix the current circumstances. My heart, broken for family members and broken for a little boy that will now only have memories of his Father. You are too young. I cannot sit here and pretend that I had a close relationship with you becasuse that would be a down right lie. My fondest memories of you are when you were a young child. My sister and I would often babysit you. I took photos of you for many of my High School photography projects. Everyone would always ask "who's that cute little boy?" I recall one photo I took of you. I processed in our school's dark room. The lighting was oh so right and your cute smile won everyone over. Your photo was hung on the outside wall and for once my work had been featured. You were an easy subject and made photography fun for me. I only wish I knew where that photo was now. The news this morning came as a complete and utter shock to me, and I think I am still trying to process. I think about your Mom (my Aunt) and I cannot fathom her pain. Burrying a child is something I pray I never have to endure. That's not the order of things and it doesn't seem fair to me. I think about your Dad (my uncle) and a billion questions run through my mind. More pain and more tears flood my eyes. I think about your sister (my cousin) and my heart breaks a little more. Mostly, I think about your son and I pray that he always has fond memories of you. And lastly, I think about your relationhsip with the Lord. I know after your accident you questioned your purpose and your place in this world. I pray that you found your answer. I must admit I pulled up your facebook page, and after scrolling for a little while, I burst out laughing. It's a clip of you from Judge Judy. You know that time you were "skpping rocks". I needed that reminder and that laugh. It was like I was there all over again. Hard to believe that was twenty years ago. I know these next few days, months and potentially years will be hard on those who loved you. It's going to take some time to process. I hope you found what you were looking for. Your purpose has been fullfilled.