Two years ago today Jeremy and I made one of the most difficult decisions of our life. We decided we needed to put our dog, Gunnar down. This was by no means an easy decision and to this day our decision still haunts me. I find myself asking was there more that we could have done? I often think of Gunnar and to this day I still miss him like crazy! Those wet little kisses are mostly missed and sometimes I think I can still hear him. I know some people think that I am crazy to miss a dog so much, but unless you have had a pet that is/has been very near and dear to your heart, then there is no understanding this. Gunnar was much more then a pet, he was a part of our family. He was my campion and someone who loved me unconditionally.
Today I had to take our dog, Ferb to the vet to have him checked for mites. I wish I could explain the feeling that came over me as I was driving him down the road. My mind mostly drifted off to how I was feeling that day exactly two years ago. I can still remember laying in the floor with Gunnar as he took his last breathe and became lifeless. I will NEVER forget the light that left his eyes as I laid there and held his little paw. He was a good boy...that is what I kept saying over and over again. I remember leaving there feeling so empty inside. This was the week of Thanksgiving and I was supposed to be thankful? Boy was I far from it.
Today I am thankful I was just taking Ferb for a rountine check up. Luckily he didn't have mites and it is just allergies. The bill I could do without, but at least this time I wasn't leaving empty handed and heart broken. I still have my Ferb. He might be one the CrAzIeSt dogs I have ever had, but Lord knows I love him! Ferbmister...that is just one of many nicknames. He is one of the most hyper active dogs-there is simply no denying that! I wish I could say that Jeremy and I have opened our hearts to love Ferb like we loved our Gunnar, but honeslty I cannot. I don't know if it is becasuse I am scared to love that much again or if my heart can never fully mend from losing Gunnar. They say time heals all wounds, but when you really love something/someone like I loved my Gunnar, I am not sure if that saying is actually true.
I have always pictured Gunnar up in Dog Heaven running around and playing catch like he used too. I can see that little bobbed tail just a waggin! Momma misses you Gunnar, but I know I will see you one day soon! Until then, know that you are loved and missed beyond measure!
Mi Familia
Jeremy, Dallas and James
Monday, November 19, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Caught Up in the Moment
Nothing can describe how I feel when my three year old son, James snuggles up close to me. I get lost in the moment. I think about when he was a newborn and how at times I would hold him up close in my arms and imagine the little boy he might grow into. He is everything I thought he would be and more. I hope the day never comes when those precious snuggles go away. For a moment all the stress of the world seems to disappear and I am at peace with myself. I pull my son close and cling to him. I can feel the warmth of his little body up against mine and it simply puts a smile on my face. I catch a little tickle from his hair and the smell of baby shampoo seems to fill the air. I wish I could somehow save all these little moments. I gently wrap my arms around him and take hold of those innocent hands, I squeeze his little fingers. I am caught up in the moment.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Thankful
With the holiday season quickly approaching, I am reminded of all that I am thankful for. So many times I forget just how truly I am blessed. It is not until I lay my head down at night, that I realize just how much God has given me. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. For starters my family, for without them I don't know what I would do. They love and support me despise all my faults and weaknesses. My husband is a God send, and I could not have asked for a better father to my son. He provides for our family and does it all without complaining. Even when I did not have a job, he was there to back me up 100%. I am truly thankful to God for bringing him into my life and I cannot ever imagine him not being there.
I am thankful for my wonderful and precious son, James, who ALWAYS knows how to brighten my day. One look into those BIG BLUE BEAUTIFUL eyes of his and your heart just melts. I am thankful for all the hugs and kisses that he gives me and I hope and pray that as the years go by, those never go away. I love my little Butterbean!
I am thankful for my job as a nanny and God allowing me this opportunity to help provide for my family. I am thankful for four wonderful and crazy kids named Sierra, Jax, Wyatt and Ivy. I am thankful for my boss, Carolyn. I am thankful for two puppies named Ruby and Jade. There is never a dull moment working as a nanny!
I am thankful that God has provided shelter, food and warm clothes. I think about that a lot each night as I lay in my warm, cozy bed. How many times do we take this forgranted? There are so many out there much less fortunate then I. Thank you God for all that you have bestowed upon me and thank you Lord for your un-failing love. You give me so much more then I could ever deserve! I am truly THANKFUL!
I am thankful for my wonderful and precious son, James, who ALWAYS knows how to brighten my day. One look into those BIG BLUE BEAUTIFUL eyes of his and your heart just melts. I am thankful for all the hugs and kisses that he gives me and I hope and pray that as the years go by, those never go away. I love my little Butterbean!
I am thankful for my job as a nanny and God allowing me this opportunity to help provide for my family. I am thankful for four wonderful and crazy kids named Sierra, Jax, Wyatt and Ivy. I am thankful for my boss, Carolyn. I am thankful for two puppies named Ruby and Jade. There is never a dull moment working as a nanny!
I am thankful that God has provided shelter, food and warm clothes. I think about that a lot each night as I lay in my warm, cozy bed. How many times do we take this forgranted? There are so many out there much less fortunate then I. Thank you God for all that you have bestowed upon me and thank you Lord for your un-failing love. You give me so much more then I could ever deserve! I am truly THANKFUL!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Ode to My Mom
I don't think I could use just one word to describe my Mom, but if I had a whole list to choose from, my answers might look a little something like this...
Loving, Caring, Affectionite, Christian, Giving, Friend, Intelligent, Beautiful, Kind...the list would forever go on. My Mom is my hero, someone I have always looked up and admired. I can't thank her enough for all she has done in my life. She has seen me through life's up and downs. I would not be the woman I am today without her. She has seen me through heartaches and disappointments. She has been there through all the glorious occasions in my life. My Mom is an inspiration to all she comes in contact with, but especially me. I am so grateful and thankful that God choose her to be my Mother, I could not have asked for better. I am thankful to have been raised in a loving and Christian home. My Mom taught me and instilled upon the true meaning of life. She showed me what it means to love and I can only hope that I can show my son as much love and care. My Mom and I have always been close and I am so grateful that I can pick up the phone and tell her exactly how my day is going. Not too many people can say they have that kind of relationship. I know our time here on Earth is short lived, so it is my prayer that my Mom knows how much she means to me and how much she is loved and appreciated. I cannot thank her enough for all the things she has done in my life. It does not matter how many times I may disappoint or let her down, at the end of the day, she will always be my biggest fan.
When I was younger I remember her coming into my room and singing songs, but the one that sticks out the most in my mind is "You are My Sunshine." I often sing this to my son and when I do and I am taken back to those youthful nights.I hope she knows every time I hear this song that I think of her and all those nights she came into my room and tucked me in. This is something I will never forget and I hope my son will always remember this to. There are also specials moments and occasions that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I remember when I was still living at home and waking up at 3 in the morning just to go outside and stand in the driveway with my Mom and watch a meteor shower. It was like nothing I have ever seen and it is a little something special that I got to do with my Mom and something that I will ALWAYS remember. My Mom is not always perfect, and yes we do have our moments, but I will always love her no matter what. I wouldn't trade having Laura Dulin as my Mom for anything in the world. I only hope that others can see how much she means to me, for I am truly blessed! Thank you God for trusting her to raise me and take care of me here on Earth. She definitely deserves an A+.
Mom...if you are reading this, then please know that I love you VERY much and I am so very grateful that I get to call you my Mother. You are appreciated and I am sorry for the times that I take all you have done forgranted. I hope that you can forgive me. My only hope is that I can be half the mother to James that you have been to me. I love you!
-Dallas-
Loving, Caring, Affectionite, Christian, Giving, Friend, Intelligent, Beautiful, Kind...the list would forever go on. My Mom is my hero, someone I have always looked up and admired. I can't thank her enough for all she has done in my life. She has seen me through life's up and downs. I would not be the woman I am today without her. She has seen me through heartaches and disappointments. She has been there through all the glorious occasions in my life. My Mom is an inspiration to all she comes in contact with, but especially me. I am so grateful and thankful that God choose her to be my Mother, I could not have asked for better. I am thankful to have been raised in a loving and Christian home. My Mom taught me and instilled upon the true meaning of life. She showed me what it means to love and I can only hope that I can show my son as much love and care. My Mom and I have always been close and I am so grateful that I can pick up the phone and tell her exactly how my day is going. Not too many people can say they have that kind of relationship. I know our time here on Earth is short lived, so it is my prayer that my Mom knows how much she means to me and how much she is loved and appreciated. I cannot thank her enough for all the things she has done in my life. It does not matter how many times I may disappoint or let her down, at the end of the day, she will always be my biggest fan.
When I was younger I remember her coming into my room and singing songs, but the one that sticks out the most in my mind is "You are My Sunshine." I often sing this to my son and when I do and I am taken back to those youthful nights.I hope she knows every time I hear this song that I think of her and all those nights she came into my room and tucked me in. This is something I will never forget and I hope my son will always remember this to. There are also specials moments and occasions that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I remember when I was still living at home and waking up at 3 in the morning just to go outside and stand in the driveway with my Mom and watch a meteor shower. It was like nothing I have ever seen and it is a little something special that I got to do with my Mom and something that I will ALWAYS remember. My Mom is not always perfect, and yes we do have our moments, but I will always love her no matter what. I wouldn't trade having Laura Dulin as my Mom for anything in the world. I only hope that others can see how much she means to me, for I am truly blessed! Thank you God for trusting her to raise me and take care of me here on Earth. She definitely deserves an A+.
Mom...if you are reading this, then please know that I love you VERY much and I am so very grateful that I get to call you my Mother. You are appreciated and I am sorry for the times that I take all you have done forgranted. I hope that you can forgive me. My only hope is that I can be half the mother to James that you have been to me. I love you!
-Dallas-
Monday, October 29, 2012
Feeling of self-worth...what does this mean to you? Was is your purpose in life? So many times I have asked myself these very questions. There are days when I struggle with who I am as a person and what my sole purpose in life is? Today I received an email from a person very near and dear to me. I could tell this person was hurting. She had lost her feeling of self worth and purpose. I think everyone goes through this at least one point in their life. You feel unappreciated or unloved, sometimes you may even feel unwanted by anyone. We lose sight of who we are and what we mean to others. We get wrapped up in titles and find ourself asking those very questions. After losing a job that I had worked at for over three years, I too found myself asking these very questions. I forgot who I was. I was so focused on asking "why" that I lost sight of God's plan and purpose for my life. I felt so alone and scared. I lost sight of who Dallas was.
I know there are many people out there right now feeling unappreciated and trying so hard to figure out their true purpose in life. So you may not have all the answers, it doesn't mean you are any less valuable. We were all created in God's image, thats how valuable you are. God didn't say oh there is Dallas, I will just put her on this Earth to clean and cook. We are all loved and wanted in God's eyes. Sure there are days when I feel unappreciated. I have my moments just like any other human on Earth. I have found myself asking...okay is this it? Is this all I have to offer? I am now 30 years old and thought I would have accomplished so much more by now. I struggle with this. I find myself using titles, like wife, mother and nanny. I have to remind myself that I am so much more then this. A few weeks ago I was at work cleaning like I do on a daily basis and was thinking..."is this really it?" "Is my sole purpose in life to go to work every day as a nanny?" I say things don't happen by chance and this is just one of many reasons why. In the moment when I was only thinking of myself, I received a phone call from my sister in law. We got to talking and she told me about a lady she had met that day. She found her on One's Man Junk. This lady was looking for a microwave and it just so happened that my sister in law was looking to sale hers. She has gone to drop off the microwave and found out that this lady was now caring for 11 children in her household. Only two of the eleven were hers. She had taken them in b/c the childrens parents had both lost their jobs and now they were losing their house. This lady is a stay at home Mom and her husband works for Papa Johns. I am no genius, but I am guessing this job does not pay much. Yet, they were willing to take in 9 children, give them food and clothes and most of all love. In that moment I thought about how selfesh I was being. Here I am wondering is this all life has to offer when people are much worse off then I. I am blessed to have a job, food to put in my mouth, clothes to dress myself, and a roof over my head. What do I have to complain about?
I try to remind myself of this when those wondering thoughts seem to pop into my head. Overall I do know that God has a plan for me. I am a work in progress. In Gods eyes I know I am appreciated and loved and always wanted. I know this is hard to explain to those that don't believe. I just say look at the things around you. Do you think this all happened by chance? Some people even say how can you believe in someone or something you can't even see? My answer to that...Can you see the wind? No,but you can see the effects of it. Just like I see the effects of God on a daily basis. If you have been feeling unappreciated or unloved or have even lost your feeling of self worth...just know that you are loved and appreciated and wanted. You are loved, wanted and appreciated by the one who made you. That person is God.
I know there are many people out there right now feeling unappreciated and trying so hard to figure out their true purpose in life. So you may not have all the answers, it doesn't mean you are any less valuable. We were all created in God's image, thats how valuable you are. God didn't say oh there is Dallas, I will just put her on this Earth to clean and cook. We are all loved and wanted in God's eyes. Sure there are days when I feel unappreciated. I have my moments just like any other human on Earth. I have found myself asking...okay is this it? Is this all I have to offer? I am now 30 years old and thought I would have accomplished so much more by now. I struggle with this. I find myself using titles, like wife, mother and nanny. I have to remind myself that I am so much more then this. A few weeks ago I was at work cleaning like I do on a daily basis and was thinking..."is this really it?" "Is my sole purpose in life to go to work every day as a nanny?" I say things don't happen by chance and this is just one of many reasons why. In the moment when I was only thinking of myself, I received a phone call from my sister in law. We got to talking and she told me about a lady she had met that day. She found her on One's Man Junk. This lady was looking for a microwave and it just so happened that my sister in law was looking to sale hers. She has gone to drop off the microwave and found out that this lady was now caring for 11 children in her household. Only two of the eleven were hers. She had taken them in b/c the childrens parents had both lost their jobs and now they were losing their house. This lady is a stay at home Mom and her husband works for Papa Johns. I am no genius, but I am guessing this job does not pay much. Yet, they were willing to take in 9 children, give them food and clothes and most of all love. In that moment I thought about how selfesh I was being. Here I am wondering is this all life has to offer when people are much worse off then I. I am blessed to have a job, food to put in my mouth, clothes to dress myself, and a roof over my head. What do I have to complain about?
I try to remind myself of this when those wondering thoughts seem to pop into my head. Overall I do know that God has a plan for me. I am a work in progress. In Gods eyes I know I am appreciated and loved and always wanted. I know this is hard to explain to those that don't believe. I just say look at the things around you. Do you think this all happened by chance? Some people even say how can you believe in someone or something you can't even see? My answer to that...Can you see the wind? No,but you can see the effects of it. Just like I see the effects of God on a daily basis. If you have been feeling unappreciated or unloved or have even lost your feeling of self worth...just know that you are loved and appreciated and wanted. You are loved, wanted and appreciated by the one who made you. That person is God.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Dear Diary,
Okay, so this past weekend (Sunday to be exact) my Dad gave me a box full of some belongings of mine. In this box were all kinds of things, mostly old photos and Christmas decorations. Things of that nature. There was also an old Bible that my friend, Crystal Butler gave me and an Old Diary of mine. I looked at the Bible first. I was surprised at some of the things I found in it. Mostly old church bulletins. Most dated back to the year 1999. There were a few writings on each. Mostly between me and my best friend Amy. We were preparing to go on a youth trip from what I could tell. There were also some silly notes wrote back and forth. One went a little something like this...
"Busta, when we get out of here do you want to go and grab a bite to eat?" Or my personal fav. "Umm you stink, I can seriously smell you all the way back here" I also found a few notes from an old boyfriend, Jason. Some, I had to laugh at reading. I also came across an old booklet that belonged to Jason. It was from our youth mission trip taken to Orlando, FL. The conference was called Kingdom 1999. There were some conversational pieces written in there from one of the worship leaders, Dana Russell. I was immediatley taken back. I remember her ladies only sessions and will never forget the following words "Sex is great in the bonds of Holy Matrimony" if you were there, then I am sure you will recall those words. My younger sister, Michelle and I literally said this at the same time and bust out laughing. It is funny the things you can remember in a blink of an eye and how easily you can forget others. Looking at the booklet I also came across names that my bestfriend was trying to decide on for her child. Some listed were Brittany Elizabeth and Brandon Micheal. I suppose those names were a no go, as she decided on Bailey.
Next I picked up the old diary. I opened it and had to laugh...who knew what this was going to say. The first page simply states my name, the year and what my interests/hobbies are. Wow how quickly things have changed in 12 years! The diary is dated from May of 2000 to May of 2001. Things were about to get interesting. I turn the page and come to the offical first entry. Mind you I was 17 going on 18 at the time.
Dear Diary, today is May 10th, 2000. I go on to talk about school (Vance High) and I am praying that I will pass my math test. May 12th...It's a Friday night and it's Midnight. I should be asleep, but unfortunatley my stomach is killing me b/c I ate way too much pizza! I am trying to decide what I should purchase my bestfriend, Amy for her 18th birthday. Tomorrow I have an interview with Barbizon Modeling. I also talked with Jennifer Klemp and she asked that I join her at the YMCA to work out, but I don't have a membership yet. I am in the process of getting this.
May 14th, 2000-it's Mother's Day and Michelle and I have bought my Mom some new glasses. (Big spenders) The following night was Amy's birthday party. This was held at her older sisters apartment. We ate pizza, sang karoke, played card games and then went bowling. May 17th-I am worried about upcoming exams, but happy that I have Jason to help me study. I also find out I need to have my wisdom teeth yanked.
June 8th, 2000-It's 11:49 PM and I am laying in my bed wide awake. I have finally graduated school and I am hoping all my friends will keep in touch. I just got home from the beach on Sunday, after my older sister took me and Amy. I am happy that my ex, David is now dating my good friend, Katie, even though others seem to disagree. June 11th-I just got home from Katie and Ashley Nance house . Some of the youth were over and we watched Blue Streak. I apparently find this movie halarious. I am disappointed in myself for not attending my older sisters Bachlorette party. I am praying she will not be upset with me. I didn't go b/c I felt out of place. June 13th-I am happy b/c Jason came over on his lunch break and I made him pizza. Wishing we could spend some more time together. I also went off with my cousin, Kristin and her boyfriend, Jeremy Ferris at the time. I am shocked that they are dating.
June 18th-it's Father's Day and my older sister got married the day before. I am upset b/c I think I will never get to see and spend time with her again. I can't believe it is now 1:00 in the morning. I just got home from watching the Green Mile with the youth group at David Teagues house. July 4th, 2000-I slept in until 11:00 and when I finally got up, I made a batch of brownies for the 4th of July gathering at Barbara and Arthur Wilson's house. I also have a terrible headache and keep telling Jason that I feel like I am going to be sick. I suck it up, b/c I am excited to go on a boat ride. While on the lake it starts pouring. This will be a 4th of July I will never forget. July 7th-Kristin stayed the night with me b/c she didn't have to be at work until late. We were up all night talking and laughing our heads off. We also went to dinner with Jason at Macado's.
July 14th- I didn't really do much, but clean all day. Michelle is excited to get her permit. She will be leaving for Jamaica soon, so I drop her off at Ashley's house so they can prepare for their trip.
July 16th-I am boasting about how long Jason and I have dated. It has been 1 year and 9 months. No one thought we would make it this long. (I really laughed reading this-how cheesy was I?)
July 27th-I am preparing to take college courses at CPCC's north campus. I am not excited about taking placement tests esp. in math. I am also worried about my dog, Oscar. He has not been doing so good here lately.
August 6th-I just got back from a youth mission trip to centrifuge. It was so awesome. The whole theme was face to face and it means having encounters with God. Some of the subjects were risk takers, integrity, perserverance and teachability. Ashley Nance rededicated her life. Oscar is waiting patiently for me to hit the sack.
August 19th-I got home from Jason's house about 30 minutes ago. We had friends over and grilled out hamburgers and hotdogs. Jesse and Jeremy Welch never made it and we are wondering where they are at. Someone left the grill on and burnt the burgers down to a crisp.
Oct. 10th-I went off with Amy and Bailey to the mall. I finally bought Jason something for our two year anniversary. I am happy that I got to spend some time with my bestie. I know it most be hard being a single mother at 18.
October 25th-I am sitting in bed. I just got done writing a thesis statement for my English class. I was told my Math teacher, Mr. Tran had a stroke. I am praying he is okay. I have never had anyone teach me like he did. Jason is considering taking a counsleing job in Sailsbury and I am worried he will meet some older girl and forget all about me. I convince myself I am just being silly.
Nov. 6th-Today has been a pretty good day. I had a presentation to do in English, but it was not hard. Jason came over for lunch and then my Aunt Sue called and asked if I could watch my cousin Dylon. I don't mind.
Nov. 16th-I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I need to drop some film off at Wally World for my photography class and I seriously need to get my nails did.
Nov. 26th-I am worried about something. I don't know who to turn to and I am afraid to talk to Jason b/c I am scared he won't understand. (Wishing I had wrote was it is that was bothering me)
Dec. 12th-I got to sleep in b/c I had my English exam. I am thinking about Jason and his grandmother. I know that he misses her. Tomorrow I am going to Amy's house to prepare for the songs we will be singing at church. I am happy to spend the day with her.
Dec. 15th-Tomorrow, Michelle and I have hair appointment and I super excited about this. I am thinking of going with a new look. (Haha)
Dec. 20th-Five days until Christmas and I cannot wait. We had our youth Christmas party and Jason and I got into an argument. Later we apologized to one another. I am still trying to find the perfect Christmas gifts for Dad and Jason. Men are so much harder to buy for, I say.
Dec. 28th-I am sitting in bed with Oscar, the day has gone by slow, but I got to spend some time with Mom. Michelle spent the night at the Nance house and Mom and I went to Max and Ermas. Michelle thinks we had leftover turkey sandwiches. Little does she know.
Jan. 13th, 2001-I am finding it hard to believe that it's already the start of a new year. Praying it will be a great one! Jason, Michelle and Danny Kennedy all went to the movies together to see Family Guy. I think we all had a really great time. Tomorrow I have to teach Sunday School for the 4&5 year old's-I better get some sleep now.
Jan. 25th-I have to babysit for Kim Yandle. I am praying the kiddos will all be good. Wishing I could spend some time with Jason, but he is now working 3rd shift and starting to act strange. I have music appreciation and psychology tomorrow morning, I better get some sleep.
Feb. 1st 2001-I ran into my cousin, Jimmy and his girlfriend, Laura. I am happy to finally meet her. Jimmy was registering for classes at CPCC. When I got home from school I really didn't do much, but clean.
Feb. 4th-Last night Ashley Nance stayed over. We were up until 2 in the morning chatting about all kinds of things. I plan to go to the YMCA tomorrow to work out...trying to get into that bikini for the summer. I barely got to talk with Jason. I am thinking something is up.
Feb. 12th-I looked all day to find Jason goodies for Valentines Day. I finally went to Wally World and racked up. I ran into Gary Nance and he and I chatted for a little while. I am praying Jason will like all his gifts. I wonder what he has for me? Jason finally called tonight, but we only talked for maybe two minutes. I feel like he is always busy with something. I love him so much and it would kill me if something ever happened to him. Ready for Valentines Day.
Feb. 14th-Yay Valentines Day is here! I love this day! I honestly don't know if Jason particuarlly cared for all his gifts. He didn't say much and kind of blew me off. He says he was just tired. He got me a dozen red roses and a candle. I think the candle stinks, but suppose it will do. Hoping the flowers will last awhile, but they already appear to be dried up. I am hoping Jason will take me ice skating like he promised. I love ice skating!
Feb. 15th-Today has been okay. I woke up with a headache. After going to class, I came home and let Oscar out, talked to Jason for a few minutes and then cleaned. Let's just say all the laundry is done. Jason is starting to really upset me. I don't feel right about something. Praying all will be okay.
Feb. 17th-I am babysitting again tonight. I am happy to earn the money, but wishing I was with Jason instead. Praying the night goes by fast. I get scared after everyone goes to bed. I called Jason again, but he was over at the Nances house playing guitar. I miss not getting to talk with him. I am wondering if he likes someone else?
May 14th of the year 2001-Boy it sure is funny how fast time goes by. It has been nearly 3 months since I last wrote. A million things have happened. To start, Jason and I officially broke up on Feb. 19th. I feel like I can't trust anyone with my feelings. I have been struggling to keep a smile on my face. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy.
May 15th 2001-Today is Amy's birthday. I have been gone all day trying to find her the perfect gift. I don't feel like myself and praying this pain will go away. I don't want to hear the name Jason, but then again I do.
May 16th-I don't think anyone understands the pain I am going through. Praying God will bring me through this. It takes forever for me to fall asleep. All I do is cry. Praying for happiness and peace.
That was my last entry. It's hard to believe that this is the year 2012. 12 years have passed since I wrote in that little white book. I was brought back to time of innocence and youth. I again was reminded how much God works. It was fun going back in time and recalling all that happened. It brought back many good memories and many sad. Happy to know that I survived what I thought was the end of my life! Some might find it cheesy that I being 17/18 years of age had a diary, but I am actually happy that I did this. Now I have something to remember and from time to time I can open it and recall all those memories made. So happy for where God has brought me and where he will continue to take me. Who knows what's in store for the next 12? Praising God he brought me through all those hardships and I look forward to him molding me even more.
Dear Diary,
Today is September 12th of the year 2012...
"Busta, when we get out of here do you want to go and grab a bite to eat?" Or my personal fav. "Umm you stink, I can seriously smell you all the way back here" I also found a few notes from an old boyfriend, Jason. Some, I had to laugh at reading. I also came across an old booklet that belonged to Jason. It was from our youth mission trip taken to Orlando, FL. The conference was called Kingdom 1999. There were some conversational pieces written in there from one of the worship leaders, Dana Russell. I was immediatley taken back. I remember her ladies only sessions and will never forget the following words "Sex is great in the bonds of Holy Matrimony" if you were there, then I am sure you will recall those words. My younger sister, Michelle and I literally said this at the same time and bust out laughing. It is funny the things you can remember in a blink of an eye and how easily you can forget others. Looking at the booklet I also came across names that my bestfriend was trying to decide on for her child. Some listed were Brittany Elizabeth and Brandon Micheal. I suppose those names were a no go, as she decided on Bailey.
Next I picked up the old diary. I opened it and had to laugh...who knew what this was going to say. The first page simply states my name, the year and what my interests/hobbies are. Wow how quickly things have changed in 12 years! The diary is dated from May of 2000 to May of 2001. Things were about to get interesting. I turn the page and come to the offical first entry. Mind you I was 17 going on 18 at the time.
Dear Diary, today is May 10th, 2000. I go on to talk about school (Vance High) and I am praying that I will pass my math test. May 12th...It's a Friday night and it's Midnight. I should be asleep, but unfortunatley my stomach is killing me b/c I ate way too much pizza! I am trying to decide what I should purchase my bestfriend, Amy for her 18th birthday. Tomorrow I have an interview with Barbizon Modeling. I also talked with Jennifer Klemp and she asked that I join her at the YMCA to work out, but I don't have a membership yet. I am in the process of getting this.
May 14th, 2000-it's Mother's Day and Michelle and I have bought my Mom some new glasses. (Big spenders) The following night was Amy's birthday party. This was held at her older sisters apartment. We ate pizza, sang karoke, played card games and then went bowling. May 17th-I am worried about upcoming exams, but happy that I have Jason to help me study. I also find out I need to have my wisdom teeth yanked.
June 8th, 2000-It's 11:49 PM and I am laying in my bed wide awake. I have finally graduated school and I am hoping all my friends will keep in touch. I just got home from the beach on Sunday, after my older sister took me and Amy. I am happy that my ex, David is now dating my good friend, Katie, even though others seem to disagree. June 11th-I just got home from Katie and Ashley Nance house . Some of the youth were over and we watched Blue Streak. I apparently find this movie halarious. I am disappointed in myself for not attending my older sisters Bachlorette party. I am praying she will not be upset with me. I didn't go b/c I felt out of place. June 13th-I am happy b/c Jason came over on his lunch break and I made him pizza. Wishing we could spend some more time together. I also went off with my cousin, Kristin and her boyfriend, Jeremy Ferris at the time. I am shocked that they are dating.
June 18th-it's Father's Day and my older sister got married the day before. I am upset b/c I think I will never get to see and spend time with her again. I can't believe it is now 1:00 in the morning. I just got home from watching the Green Mile with the youth group at David Teagues house. July 4th, 2000-I slept in until 11:00 and when I finally got up, I made a batch of brownies for the 4th of July gathering at Barbara and Arthur Wilson's house. I also have a terrible headache and keep telling Jason that I feel like I am going to be sick. I suck it up, b/c I am excited to go on a boat ride. While on the lake it starts pouring. This will be a 4th of July I will never forget. July 7th-Kristin stayed the night with me b/c she didn't have to be at work until late. We were up all night talking and laughing our heads off. We also went to dinner with Jason at Macado's.
July 14th- I didn't really do much, but clean all day. Michelle is excited to get her permit. She will be leaving for Jamaica soon, so I drop her off at Ashley's house so they can prepare for their trip.
July 16th-I am boasting about how long Jason and I have dated. It has been 1 year and 9 months. No one thought we would make it this long. (I really laughed reading this-how cheesy was I?)
July 27th-I am preparing to take college courses at CPCC's north campus. I am not excited about taking placement tests esp. in math. I am also worried about my dog, Oscar. He has not been doing so good here lately.
August 6th-I just got back from a youth mission trip to centrifuge. It was so awesome. The whole theme was face to face and it means having encounters with God. Some of the subjects were risk takers, integrity, perserverance and teachability. Ashley Nance rededicated her life. Oscar is waiting patiently for me to hit the sack.
August 19th-I got home from Jason's house about 30 minutes ago. We had friends over and grilled out hamburgers and hotdogs. Jesse and Jeremy Welch never made it and we are wondering where they are at. Someone left the grill on and burnt the burgers down to a crisp.
Oct. 10th-I went off with Amy and Bailey to the mall. I finally bought Jason something for our two year anniversary. I am happy that I got to spend some time with my bestie. I know it most be hard being a single mother at 18.
October 25th-I am sitting in bed. I just got done writing a thesis statement for my English class. I was told my Math teacher, Mr. Tran had a stroke. I am praying he is okay. I have never had anyone teach me like he did. Jason is considering taking a counsleing job in Sailsbury and I am worried he will meet some older girl and forget all about me. I convince myself I am just being silly.
Nov. 6th-Today has been a pretty good day. I had a presentation to do in English, but it was not hard. Jason came over for lunch and then my Aunt Sue called and asked if I could watch my cousin Dylon. I don't mind.
Nov. 16th-I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I need to drop some film off at Wally World for my photography class and I seriously need to get my nails did.
Nov. 26th-I am worried about something. I don't know who to turn to and I am afraid to talk to Jason b/c I am scared he won't understand. (Wishing I had wrote was it is that was bothering me)
Dec. 12th-I got to sleep in b/c I had my English exam. I am thinking about Jason and his grandmother. I know that he misses her. Tomorrow I am going to Amy's house to prepare for the songs we will be singing at church. I am happy to spend the day with her.
Dec. 15th-Tomorrow, Michelle and I have hair appointment and I super excited about this. I am thinking of going with a new look. (Haha)
Dec. 20th-Five days until Christmas and I cannot wait. We had our youth Christmas party and Jason and I got into an argument. Later we apologized to one another. I am still trying to find the perfect Christmas gifts for Dad and Jason. Men are so much harder to buy for, I say.
Dec. 28th-I am sitting in bed with Oscar, the day has gone by slow, but I got to spend some time with Mom. Michelle spent the night at the Nance house and Mom and I went to Max and Ermas. Michelle thinks we had leftover turkey sandwiches. Little does she know.
Jan. 13th, 2001-I am finding it hard to believe that it's already the start of a new year. Praying it will be a great one! Jason, Michelle and Danny Kennedy all went to the movies together to see Family Guy. I think we all had a really great time. Tomorrow I have to teach Sunday School for the 4&5 year old's-I better get some sleep now.
Jan. 25th-I have to babysit for Kim Yandle. I am praying the kiddos will all be good. Wishing I could spend some time with Jason, but he is now working 3rd shift and starting to act strange. I have music appreciation and psychology tomorrow morning, I better get some sleep.
Feb. 1st 2001-I ran into my cousin, Jimmy and his girlfriend, Laura. I am happy to finally meet her. Jimmy was registering for classes at CPCC. When I got home from school I really didn't do much, but clean.
Feb. 4th-Last night Ashley Nance stayed over. We were up until 2 in the morning chatting about all kinds of things. I plan to go to the YMCA tomorrow to work out...trying to get into that bikini for the summer. I barely got to talk with Jason. I am thinking something is up.
Feb. 12th-I looked all day to find Jason goodies for Valentines Day. I finally went to Wally World and racked up. I ran into Gary Nance and he and I chatted for a little while. I am praying Jason will like all his gifts. I wonder what he has for me? Jason finally called tonight, but we only talked for maybe two minutes. I feel like he is always busy with something. I love him so much and it would kill me if something ever happened to him. Ready for Valentines Day.
Feb. 14th-Yay Valentines Day is here! I love this day! I honestly don't know if Jason particuarlly cared for all his gifts. He didn't say much and kind of blew me off. He says he was just tired. He got me a dozen red roses and a candle. I think the candle stinks, but suppose it will do. Hoping the flowers will last awhile, but they already appear to be dried up. I am hoping Jason will take me ice skating like he promised. I love ice skating!
Feb. 15th-Today has been okay. I woke up with a headache. After going to class, I came home and let Oscar out, talked to Jason for a few minutes and then cleaned. Let's just say all the laundry is done. Jason is starting to really upset me. I don't feel right about something. Praying all will be okay.
Feb. 17th-I am babysitting again tonight. I am happy to earn the money, but wishing I was with Jason instead. Praying the night goes by fast. I get scared after everyone goes to bed. I called Jason again, but he was over at the Nances house playing guitar. I miss not getting to talk with him. I am wondering if he likes someone else?
May 14th of the year 2001-Boy it sure is funny how fast time goes by. It has been nearly 3 months since I last wrote. A million things have happened. To start, Jason and I officially broke up on Feb. 19th. I feel like I can't trust anyone with my feelings. I have been struggling to keep a smile on my face. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy.
May 15th 2001-Today is Amy's birthday. I have been gone all day trying to find her the perfect gift. I don't feel like myself and praying this pain will go away. I don't want to hear the name Jason, but then again I do.
May 16th-I don't think anyone understands the pain I am going through. Praying God will bring me through this. It takes forever for me to fall asleep. All I do is cry. Praying for happiness and peace.
That was my last entry. It's hard to believe that this is the year 2012. 12 years have passed since I wrote in that little white book. I was brought back to time of innocence and youth. I again was reminded how much God works. It was fun going back in time and recalling all that happened. It brought back many good memories and many sad. Happy to know that I survived what I thought was the end of my life! Some might find it cheesy that I being 17/18 years of age had a diary, but I am actually happy that I did this. Now I have something to remember and from time to time I can open it and recall all those memories made. So happy for where God has brought me and where he will continue to take me. Who knows what's in store for the next 12? Praising God he brought me through all those hardships and I look forward to him molding me even more.
Dear Diary,
Today is September 12th of the year 2012...
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I Remember...
Do you ever find yourself wondering about things of the past? Sometimes when I am alone, or just riding in the car on my way home from work, my mind tends to dwell on past memories. I recall good times and bad times. Sometimes I find myself laughing out loud and sometimes I catch a few tears every now and then rolling down my cheek. These are things I remember...
I remember when New Kids on the Block was the hottest boys band around. I remember days hanging out with our church youth group. I remember youth mission trips. I remember trips to Long Beach with my best friend. I remember the day my Gramps died like it was yesterday. I also remember the smell of butterscotch and how it still makes me sick to this day. I remember my first tape set. I remember my first crush. I remember the first time a boy ever asked me out. I remember staying up and watching the meteor showers with Mom out in the middle of our drive way. I remember Christmas Eve at my Great Grandmas house. I remember my first airplane ride to Mexico! I remember playing softball for Northside Baptist Church. I remember roller blading and the first time I busted my butt. I remember Look Up Lodge and the concrete water slide. I remember Awanas. I remember Vacation Bible School. I remember breaking my arm and what it felt like. I remember watching Ghost Busters over and over again all while eating hotdogs. I remember the Caterpillar tree on Ashford Drive. I remember our first cat, Snowball. I remember my first job. I remember 9/11. I remember my first break up. I remember having sleep overs and the pool at Davis Lake. I remember singing in God's Kids. I remember marker fights with my younger sister, Michelle. I remember when playing Nintendo was the bomb! I remember days riding on the cheese wagon. I remember when I got my license. I remember how I hated my first car! I remember my first turtle, given to me by Brian Holland. I remember Valentines Day in Elementary School. I remember writing little love notes. I remember when Kiss 95.1 was 95.1 the Edge. I remember Coach Allen from Ranson Middle School. I remember pep rallies. I remember Dare Camp with Allison Almond. I remember my first trip to Ikea in Maryland with my older sister, Nichole. I remember playing with Barbies. I remember my first date. I remember races at the Metrolina Expo. I remember my first roller coaster ride at Carowinds. I remember my first concert. I remember making silly videos with my best friend. I remember poofy bangs. I remember slap bracelets. I remember moon shoes. I remember my first trip to Disney World. I remember when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzhiemers. I remember my first ride in my Mustang. I remember Dad's softball games at Hornet's Nest Park. I remember my first day of college. I remember when doing the right thing was the norm, not so true these days. I remember when my husband said I love you for the first time. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant and how excited I was. I remember the day I heard his heart beat for the first time. I remember my ultrasound and how happy I was when they told me I was having a little boy. I remember when I got to lay eyes on my son for the first time. I remember how blessed I felt when I got to hold him for the first time. I remember our dog Gunnar and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I remember having sock hops at Statesville Road Elementary. I remember going shopping at Eastland Mall with Rose Miller. I remember when phone numbers didn't include area codes when you dialed someone. I remember when tie-dyed and splatter paint t-shirts were the hottest fashions. I remember watching Full House, Boy Meets World, Family Matters and Step By Step on Friday Nights. I remember when going to the movies didn't cost an arm and a leg. I remember when University Place actually had a movie place. I rememeber going Ice Skating at Eastland Mall with family and friends. I rememeber the day we had to put our beloved Oscar down because he had cancer. I remember when I saw my Dad cry for the first time. I remember school nights and Mom sneaking us girls pizza from Pizza Hut. I remember when Pizza Hut and Dominos where the only pizza places avaliable. I remember plays at church and the day my older sister came to accept the Lord. I remember when there were no such things as lap tops. I remember when all you had was dial up internet. I rememeber watching episodes of Saved By the Bell over and over again. I remember playing hide and go seek with all my friends. I rememeber making indoor tents and using clothes pins to hold them together. I remember...
I remember when New Kids on the Block was the hottest boys band around. I remember days hanging out with our church youth group. I remember youth mission trips. I remember trips to Long Beach with my best friend. I remember the day my Gramps died like it was yesterday. I also remember the smell of butterscotch and how it still makes me sick to this day. I remember my first tape set. I remember my first crush. I remember the first time a boy ever asked me out. I remember staying up and watching the meteor showers with Mom out in the middle of our drive way. I remember Christmas Eve at my Great Grandmas house. I remember my first airplane ride to Mexico! I remember playing softball for Northside Baptist Church. I remember roller blading and the first time I busted my butt. I remember Look Up Lodge and the concrete water slide. I remember Awanas. I remember Vacation Bible School. I remember breaking my arm and what it felt like. I remember watching Ghost Busters over and over again all while eating hotdogs. I remember the Caterpillar tree on Ashford Drive. I remember our first cat, Snowball. I remember my first job. I remember 9/11. I remember my first break up. I remember having sleep overs and the pool at Davis Lake. I remember singing in God's Kids. I remember marker fights with my younger sister, Michelle. I remember when playing Nintendo was the bomb! I remember days riding on the cheese wagon. I remember when I got my license. I remember how I hated my first car! I remember my first turtle, given to me by Brian Holland. I remember Valentines Day in Elementary School. I remember writing little love notes. I remember when Kiss 95.1 was 95.1 the Edge. I remember Coach Allen from Ranson Middle School. I remember pep rallies. I remember Dare Camp with Allison Almond. I remember my first trip to Ikea in Maryland with my older sister, Nichole. I remember playing with Barbies. I remember my first date. I remember races at the Metrolina Expo. I remember my first roller coaster ride at Carowinds. I remember my first concert. I remember making silly videos with my best friend. I remember poofy bangs. I remember slap bracelets. I remember moon shoes. I remember my first trip to Disney World. I remember when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzhiemers. I remember my first ride in my Mustang. I remember Dad's softball games at Hornet's Nest Park. I remember my first day of college. I remember when doing the right thing was the norm, not so true these days. I remember when my husband said I love you for the first time. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant and how excited I was. I remember the day I heard his heart beat for the first time. I remember my ultrasound and how happy I was when they told me I was having a little boy. I remember when I got to lay eyes on my son for the first time. I remember how blessed I felt when I got to hold him for the first time. I remember our dog Gunnar and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I remember having sock hops at Statesville Road Elementary. I remember going shopping at Eastland Mall with Rose Miller. I remember when phone numbers didn't include area codes when you dialed someone. I remember when tie-dyed and splatter paint t-shirts were the hottest fashions. I remember watching Full House, Boy Meets World, Family Matters and Step By Step on Friday Nights. I remember when going to the movies didn't cost an arm and a leg. I remember when University Place actually had a movie place. I rememeber going Ice Skating at Eastland Mall with family and friends. I rememeber the day we had to put our beloved Oscar down because he had cancer. I remember when I saw my Dad cry for the first time. I remember school nights and Mom sneaking us girls pizza from Pizza Hut. I remember when Pizza Hut and Dominos where the only pizza places avaliable. I remember plays at church and the day my older sister came to accept the Lord. I remember when there were no such things as lap tops. I remember when all you had was dial up internet. I rememeber watching episodes of Saved By the Bell over and over again. I remember playing hide and go seek with all my friends. I rememeber making indoor tents and using clothes pins to hold them together. I remember...
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