Life

Is it just me or has LIFE just really been hard these past few weeks? I am not one to share much in regards to my PERSONAL life. Yes, I am the type to ask for prayers and I am not afraid to let people know that I am hurting. However, there are certain things that I keep to myself. If I confide in you, you best know that I trust you. These past few weeks LIFE has really hit me. I have faced many challenges and at the current moment I still am. My comfort level, my safe zone and my bubble have completely been in an uproar. I have always looked at life as the glass is half full. It takes A LOT to bring my spirits down. I am not one who is easily angered and I have always been one to wear a smile on my face. These past weeks my emotions have been ALL over the place. One minute I am fine and the next I am balling my eyes out. My place of work has experienced a lot of changes and I have lost several co-workers who mean the world to me. I get that it's just a business, but when someone has been a part of your every day life for nearly seven years, YES it affects you. These people were my go to people. The people who always showed kindness, love, grace, mercy and were always there to lend a helping hand. The kind of people who pray for you...no questions asked. If I am being honest, I really feel like I have been attending a non-stop funeral. I am not saying I will never see these people again, our bonds of friendship are much stronger than that. It's the fact that they were "my" people. I know in this life I will experience many challenges and change is almost always certain. I am always open to change and I can easily adapt, it's just the getting there part that makes it hard. I try to remind myself that things could be much worse. I know that EVERYONE deals with certain storms. I am just hopeful that mine will soon come to end. Work is just one of a million things that I am emotionally dealing with. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I praise God for it! So today, I extend a prayer for all those who are dealing with LIFE at the current moment. I ask that God grant you wisdom and knowledge. I pray for peace for all those hurting. I pray for an abundance of strength. I pray for understanding. I pray for comfort and that the healing process would quickly begin. I pray that we always see beauty in all of life's many storms and I pray that we always come out stronger, bolder and more beautiful because of it. Please God hear our prayer. You already know our hearts. Today and always I pray that we let our FAITH be BIGGER than our fear.

Laughter

We have all heard the saying "Laughter is the best medicine." This saying couldn't be more true. This week I have been busy cleaning out and getting rid of things that are no longer of use to me. It is AMAZING what you find while cleaning! Things that you totally and completely forgot about. Things that you purchased years ago and you contemplate...What the heck was I thinking? This was me the other evening as I was cleaning out the Master bedroom closet. I found so many things that I had purchased and it was like Christmas Day all over again. Many items still had tags on them...which tells me...I have a HUGE shopping addiction. Ha! While busy cleaning, I came across a Halloween costume that I had purchased for my son, James. It was a clearance item and it seems I had failed to give it to my son when he had asked for it. I wondered if it would even fit him, but much to my surprise, it did. The costume was made to reflect one of those inflatable advertisement blow ups. My son put this thing on and I tell you what...I laughed and I laughed. It was a sight for sore eyes to say the least. I thought for sure he would grow tired of it, but boy was I wrong. Last night after work, James anxiously ran inside and put this costume on. He went back outside and stood near the end of our driveway. Please note that we live off the main road and it's a high traffic area, especially between 5 and 6 at night. Never in my life have I seen so many people smiling and laughing as they drove on by. So many people honked their horns. I was able to catch this all on video. I barrel rolled with laughter as I stood and watched. My son was definitely putting on a show. It was amazing to me seeing all these people pass by with huge smiles on their face. Something as simple as a costume and my son were able to make the world a little bit brighter for a moment. This is something I will never forget. I posted the live feed video to my facebook page an so many people have already commented on it. It definitely was a pick me up. I needed that reminder...a reminder that it's okay to have fun and make others laugh. Life is meant to be celebrated. We don't have to be so serious all the time. I know it sure put a smile on my face. It just proves once more, that laughter really is the best medicine. It was good for my soul and it sure blessed my heart. Thankful for little things, but even more thankful for my son and his willingness to spread laughter to others.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom, I want you to know today and always how much you mean to me. I hope my actions and my words show you just how much I love and appreciate you. I am forever grateful that God choose me to be your daughter. I am so very blessed. From day one you have showed me what true love looks like. You have showered me with your prayers and always want the very best for me. You never give up and are always there to put a smile on my face when I am feeling down. You are my biggest fan. You make the worst of days seem like they are nothing and remind me that better days are coming. You have always put your girls first and made sacrifices so that we may have. You support me. You are my biggest cheerleader. I remember how you would sneak into my room when I was much younger and offer me midnight snacks...mainly pizza...and for that my stomach and I are very thankful. You were there to wipe my tears and tell me that my heartache would soon be replaced by something even better. You make the BEST grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. You are my biggest and best role model. There is no replacing you. I want you to know that you have gone above and beyond your duties when it comes to being my Mother. Your love for God inspires me to be a better person. I love how you let your light shine and aren't afraid to speak your mind. I love that people say I have the cool Mom. That one never gets old. I love that you are a woman of morals. You have never changed who you are to benefit from someone or something. You are a woman of integrity. You show compassion on a daily basis. You are kind, gentle and easy spoken, but you also know how to put your foot down. I love to see you laugh because that means you are happy and you are here with me. I love how the simplest of things relax you...like a pedicure or someone rubbing your back. I love that every year you still give us gifts from Santa. You have always spoiled us...in a good way. You also taught me that I have to work in order to have nice things. You don't accept laziness and for that I am extremely grateful. You are one of the best cooks I know, and I'm not jus saying that because you are my Mom. Speaking of...Country Style Steak sounds REAL good. Maybe when I'm not doing the dieting thing. :) My only hope is that I can be half the Mom to James that you are to me. Always know that you did and are still doing a GREAT job. God sure knows what he is doing. You are more than just my Mom...you are one of my closet friends. For you, I will always be grateful. I pray I never take you for granted. I love you Mom, today and always. Love, O'Malley

Love Is

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 No matter how you look at it, love truly is one of life's greatest gifts. Valentines Day has and probably always will be one of my favorite times of year. Even when I was single, I still looked forward to the holiday. I greatly enjoy sitting back and watching others as they show their love and compassion toward another. Love is a beautiful thing, if you just open your eyes and pay attention to it. There is no other stronger force between two beings. Love can also either make you or break you. Either way, in my eyes, its always better to have loved. One of my favorite activities is people watching. I enjoy sitting back and watching elderly couples. I love seeing how fragile hands intertwine with one another. Love is a spectacular thing, and I am blessed in the fact that my heart belongs to another. Love can be found in the simplest of things...a smile, a look, a touch. It's not something that can ever be bought and to me is more precious than anything in this world. Love is powerful. Love will make you do things you never thought you would do before. Love has no limits or boundaries. Love is a bond like no other. It is an unconditional commitment to another. Love isn't just a decision, it's a promise. Love doesn't judge you, but instead chooses to embrace the mess we really are. Love is wanting wants best for someone, even if it doesn't include you. It's looking into another's eyes and feeling completely safe. Love is acceptance. Love is hopeful. Love is a friend. Love is an encourager. Love is kindness. Love is gentleness. Love is patient. Love truly is a blessing. Love is being there for someone, even when they have let you down time and time again. Love is forgiveness. Love is holding each others hands, back rubs, and wiping away tears. Love is laughter. Love is faithful. Love is magical. Love is safety. Love is comfort. Love is emotional. Love is affectionate. Love is fearless. Love is... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Songs That Take You Back

Tonight while leaving work, I had my radio on like usual. Windows were down and I was slowly making my way home. I was excited to get home this evening, as I had put a chuck roast in the crock pot the night before. My house smelt amazing this morning and my mouth was literally watering all day long. On my drive home, my mind drifted off like it always does. This time was different though. The radio was still playing and as the next song came on, memories of a past relationship came flooding inside my mind. This was a time in my life that I thought I would never move on from. My heart had been broken into a million pieces and I had no clue as to where and begin to start picking them up. I was 19 years old and the day was February 19, 2001. At that point in time, I could not see my future without this person in it. In my mind, I was going to marry this person. I hated the fact that my parents, especially my Dad had it right all along. He's not for you Dallas...that's all I could hear. My Mom, being the supportive one, was there with me for months as I cried my eyes out. I recall sleeping in the bed with my Mom, while my Dad went in slept in my room. She held me as I just cried. Numerous days and nights were spent on the couch, as I didn't want to go in my room. Too many photos and memories to see. What hurt even more was knowing that my now ex was interested in one of my best friends. I felt like I had wasted nearly 3 years of my life...and for what? What was the point of all of this? Why was my heart breaking? Why me? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Pretty enough? I remember the night of the "break up" my younger sister and I drove to Northside Baptist church of Concord. They had what was called P63. Basically praise and worship for high school and college students. I had to get out of my house and I basically knew that "he" would be there. I wanted to see him, talk to him, smell him, just be near him. Whatever it took. I kept staring at the entry way just waiting to see him. He never showed. I learned later, that he did show, he was with my friend and when he saw me, they left because he didn't want to see my cry all night. I don't know if I would consider this sympathy or not? I know none of this matters now, but then my hurt was real. My heart and my feelings shattered. My future? What future? Now fast forward 17 years later...yes 17! I did make it past that point in my life. My heart mended, I moved on, I picked up the pieces and my heart loves again. I have been married for almost 13 years now, I have a beautiful son, who is now 9 years old. I am so blessed and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Looking back, I know that I was just a teenager, but I was a teenager who was in love. I know some say teenagers really don't know what love is, but trust me...that hurt in my heart, at that point in time, I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was miserable and it showed. Funny how a simple song that plays on the radio can take you back. All those memories and that hurt came flooding back...maybe not in the same sense or meaning as before, but still that reminder was there. I sat and listened to the words of that song and I realized just had far I had come. You see...God had a plan all along. Even though, I couldn't see past that difficult point in my life...the Master of the Universe could. Months after the "break up" my ex and I actually became really good fiends. We even went on double dates and he was the best man in mine and Jeremy's wedding. People tell me I am crazy, and when I tell people that...the looks I get are priceless. Truth is...I wouldn't have it any other way. I am grateful for the heart ache and the lessons learned. I am grateful that God allowed me to have this experience. Though it was a bad one at the time, I see now how God was moving in my life. He has provided all that I have needed and still continues to provide. I became a stronger person because of it.

As I get Older

As I get older, the more and more I realize, just how fast this life of mine truly goes by. I sit here and stare at the calendar and it is hard for me to believe that Christmas will be here in two days. I look at pictures and find myself starring in awe. I feel like I just had my son yesterday and yet here we are...eight years later. Where did the time go? Was I simply oblivious to it all? I see and feel how my body is now changing...this growing old thing is catching up to me fast. Every day is a new ache or pain. I look in the mirror and what do I see? Gray hair and skin that is starting to wrinkle. I use to actually have some what of a body...a size nine. Geesh to be that size again. In five years I will turn forty. FORTY!!! HOLY CRAP! With all that being said, I have had a blessed life, thus far. Sure, I have faced many storms, but looking back, they were just stepping stones to get to me where I am now. So yes, I might wake up with a new ache, but boy am I blessed beyond measure. Not only has time changed me, but it has changed who I am as a person. I can honestly say that I am proud of the person I am today. I stand up for myself and no longer allow others to run over me. I have learned to walk away from toxic relationships and I now speak my mind. Yes, I do all of it tactfully and for that, I am proud. I may not ever see the size nine in my clothing tags again, but I am happy. Sure, I would like to make a few changes, but for the most part I am a pretty happy person. I have a husband who loves me and adores me and has been there for me since day one. He has supported me and loved me through many of life's storms. He has listened and not judged. He loves me for me and I am thankful that at the end of the day, I get to snuggle up close to him. I truly believe that love is the greatest gift that anyone could give us. The older I get, the more I love my parents and the guidance they showed me. My Mom has and will always be my biggest fan. When the good Lord calls them home, I may be lost for awhile, but I can do it with a smile on my face because I know they are both Christians and for that reason, there will be many crowns. I only hope that I can be half the mother to James as my Mom has been to me. As time moves on, I pray that my son stays strong in the Lord. I pray God pours out his blessings upon him and leads, directs and guides him. I pray that the temptation for drugs never crosses his mind. I hope that he will always be proud to call me his Mom. If others could only see what I see, when I look at him. They might have a small inkling as to how much I love him. In my eyes, you are perfect. As I get older, the days and the years may seem to go even quicker than those before, but one thing is for sure.. I am strong. I am proud. I am happy. I am resilient. I am blessed. I am LOVED.

People Watching

Have you ever just sat and really watched the world around us? People Watching can be so intriguing and honestly is one of my favorite things to do. You can learn so much just by paying attention to the people around you. Tonight my son and I were having dinner at our local Zaxbys. I couldn't help but to stop and stare, to sit back and take it all in. People are some of the funniest and strangest creatures around. I watched as the elderly couple across from our booth sat and chatted with one another. I couldn't help but to notice the BRIGHT BLUE finger nail polish her delicate hands were rockin. I wondered if she was that hip Granny that everyone hopes for. I wondered what her life was like when she was younger. I noticed that her outfit matched perfectly and her husband followed suit. I wondered what their life had been like and how long they had been together? Did they have kids? Grandchildren? How did they manage to make their marriage last? So many questions I pondered upon. Her husband seemed like a true gentlemen. He got up from the table to refill her drink and opened the door as they left the restaurant. I wondered where they were going? To our right were two teenage girls. They had actually placed their order before us. You could tell they were close friends as they laughed and got lost in conversation with one another. I sat and wondered what they were talking about? A boy friend perhaps? Maybe they were scheming and plotting away. The possibilities are endless. They both had long brown hair and perfect tan bodies. If they only knew how much I missed my best friend and how I longed for that conversation. A conversation that I know in the back of my mind will probably never happen again. My eyes skimmed to the young lady behind them. She sat alone with phone in her hand. In fact, she never put it down. I sat and wondered what had her focused and so attentive? Was she texting or was she getting lost in our never ending social media world? Did she even care that she was sitting alone? Was someone planning to meet her there? Then there was the family directly in front of me. I could tell that the woman's husband had become annoyed by the story she was telling. From what I could gather it had something to do with a fighter pilot. Her husband tried to jump in and retell the story, but the wife became agitated. Their son was older and sat and listened to his Mom while she spoke. I don't recall him ever saying a word. I wondered why the husband seemed so annoyed? Will I be like this when I am older? To the foreign family of three...I wondered what was so special about Zaxbys that you had to take so many selfies? Perhaps this is your daughter's favorite place to eat? Maybe you were celebrating? Maybe you just felt like taking pictures? Who knows? Whatever the reason, I do know that Zaxbys has good food. Then there were the two young teenage boys that came in together. One was a little person and I watched as the friend was willing to help with items that couldn't be reached. Was this guys night? I have always wondered what guys talk about when they get together? Do you gossip just as much as women do? So many questions. I sat and looked at my son while he ate his kids meal. I hope he knows how much I enjoy his company. I wondered how long I will have until eating dinner with Mom just isn't cool anymore. My little boy is growing up right before my very eyes. I looked into those magically colored blue eyes and I wondered what his thoughts were. Oh to be a child again. I wonder how many people watched me with my son this evening? What did they see in me? Did I intrigue them the way they had intrigued me? Did they wonder what my son and I were doing there? Could they see how much I loved my son? Did they know how much I was enjoying my evening just being there with him? Do they even care? People Watching at it's finest. You can get lost in a world of your own creativity. Sometimes we just need to sit back and pay attention to the world around us. The possibilities are endless.