A Blessing In Disguise

Okay, so I have debated on where I should start my Blog History. I have finally decided that I will take you back to July 17th 2009 when I lost my job of 3 and 1/2 years. It's funny the things you can remember on days when bad things seem to happen to you, and how little you can recall details when something good happens. For me, I guess I knew what I was walking into that day, it honestly came as no surprise to me. I remember I had on a black dress and I can remember the horrible gut feeling I had as soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work. It was one of those feelings that you get when you know your about to hear/get the most horrific news. I guess it was God's way of preparing me for what was to follow that day. I walked in, clocked in as usual and begin my daily chat with the girls to catch up on the last's nights happenings. Boy did we ever have some stories to tell...Most of the conversations started as "So last night" or "OMG your so not going to believe this" or my favorite from my friend (we'll call her H), "I am sooooooooooooo EXCITED" that one never got old. After chatting with the girls and checking the billion(s) of emails I had and beginning my daily work rountine, I finally turned to the girls and said and I quote "I think they are going to let me go today" I can remember the CrAzY looks I got from my co workers, and them saying over and over again, "Dallas you are crazy" "Why would they let you go?" When I started to pack up my things on and around my desk before lunch time, I think that's when they finally realized just how serious I was being. I literally stuffed garbage bags full of my belongings and carried them downstairs during my lunch break. I can still remember the call I made to my hubby and telling him I wanted him to be prepared because I thought I might lose my job that day. To my surprise he remained calm and reassured me everything would be okay no matter what the outcome. Those were the words I needed to hear.
After lunch, I clocked back in and again my co-workers all told me I was crazy and that I needed to un-pack my stuff because I wasn't going anywhere. Around 3:30ish that day, I finally decided to get up and go tell others that I was close too that I thought this might be my last day. Again the comments came. I can remember one of them coming by with a note (which I still have today) and it simply saying "Stay Positive" with a huge smiley face on it.
Finally at 4:30 I got the dreaded email from my Supervisor stating to please come see her before I clocked out for the day. Right then and there I knew exactlty what was about to happen, but at the same time, I had wonderful peace come over me and I heard a small voice telling me "Everything will be just fine" I grabbed some of my things and made my way down the hall to my supervisor's desk. That walk seemed like it took an eternity! From there we made our way in the Human Resource office and of course here came the horrific news. I remember I didn't cry, which for me is very unusual. I did get a little teary eyed, but I never cried. I can recall being so proud of myself for that. Why I don't know, I guess it was just a feeling of satisfaction for me. After "talking" I walked back over to my desk and packed up the rest of my belongings. I had some help from one of the IT guys, and in case you are reading this ( thanks), you don't know how much I appreciate that. I remember getting in my car and leaving. I remember thinking over and over again, What am I going to do? Where is the money going to come from? Why am I so stupid? Why did this have to happen to me? What is the purpose of this? Well, some of that I am still trying to figure out. I may not have all the answers, but one thing I do know is that God has a plan for me. I have always said that when one door closes, another one opens and I still believe in that saying today. Whether the purpose of me losing my job was so that I could spend time with my son and actually get to enjoy watching him grow up, or just to open my eyes to other opportunities, this truly has been a blessing in disguise. I was approved for Unemployment, and even though it's not much, God has provided and continues to provide! Sure there have been days that I have struggled and thought, "okay God, what is to become of this"? Sure there have been plently of days that I have thought "Will I EVER find a job"? And even though I have literally applied for 200+ jobs now, I know that something awesome is out there and waiting for me. I know this because I have faith in God. One of my good friends, Jason, that I talk to often via chat on facebook reminded me of Matthews 6:28-34. It simply states this: "And why do you worry about your clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you not even Soloman in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, What shall we eat, or what shall we drink? Or what shall we wear? For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." So, I have told myself not to stress and not to worry, for I know that God will take care of me, for I am a child of his. Yes, I get tired of sitting at my house most weeks, but the end result will be something great, I just know it!