Growing Up

It occured to me the other day, just how fast my my son, James is growing up. He turned four the end of March, and apparently he now has been made aware of this. I lay in bed the other morning and James comes walking in with a smile upon his face. I ask for my morning love which consists of a quick hug and kiss and sometimes some snuggle time with my little buddy. Nothing in the world can compare to this. I love it when he just lays there and talks to me. I never know where his conversations will take us. He has a vivid imagination and sometimes I am amazed at the topics he brings up. This morning was different however. He did give me my morning love, but then quickly said "hold on Mommy, I'll be right back." He comes running back in with pen and paper in hand. He looks at me bright eyed and says "Mommy I'm gonna draw something for you." He grabs the pen and paper and immediately his creation is brought to life. He says "look Mommy, I drawed you a baby." I say "A baby?" James again looks at me and says "yes a baby". I tell him thank you and he then slowly makes his way into the kitchen where Jeremy is cooking breakfast for us.
I can hear their voices over the crackle and sizzle of bacon frying on the griddle. James in an excited voice says "Look, Look Daddy, look at what I drawed Mommy." Jeremy takes the picture and I hear James say "I drawed her a little baby" Jeremy asks "Why a baby?" Expecting James to say something like because I want a baby sister or brother, I hear him say "so Mommy will quit calling me her baby." While my husband found this to be hysterical, I on the other hand, did not. I lay in bed and thought about these words for a minute. I know my son was speaking the truth, but somehow those words had hurt my spirit. To me it doesn't matter how old my son gets, he will ALWAYS be my baby. Nothing could ever change that in my eyes. To my son though, he is now four years old which makes him a BIG Boy, one of the guys, I suppose. Now that he is four, I guess he feels it's now time to take on the world.
I know my son must grow, and with each year another birthday will come. It is inevitable. I guess I just somehow want to cling to all these moments. My husband says I shouldn't "baby him" so much and I suppose my husband is right (even though I hate admitting this). I just look at my son and I can still see the innocence in his big blue eyes. I just don't want that to go away. That means everything to me. I just want to call a "stop time" but I know that is not how life works. I know that seasons will come and seasons will go, and just like the hands on a clock, time is of the essence.
Pretty soon my son will be in school and doing things that I would normally do for him. I just pray that James will always know just how very special he is to me. I suppose I should start letting him take on the world, but for me it will take baby steps. He will and forever will be my baby though. I made a deal with him (yes a deal with my four year old) that I will stop calling him my baby, as long as he allows me to continue to calling him Butterbean. This he didn't seem to mind, and I too was happy. I suppose it takes a Mother to truly understand how I feel and where I am coming from. It is hard letting him go. But I guess that is what we as parents must do. We come into this world as a baby and slowly make our decent into adulthood. We eventually must leave our nests and make homes of our own.
I pray that God is with my son as he grows and that he will help me along the way to let go. Until then, I will always and forever cherish these moments. In my heart, my son will forever be My Baby, My Butterbean, My Life.