My Pink Elephant Bracelet

Last night while at Walmart I purchased a Pink Elephant Bracelet. I had been eye balling these $0.99 bracelets for quite sometime now and last night, I finally jumped the gun and made the inexpensive purchase. So what is the signifigance behind all of this? When I was younger my Great Grandmother had made a Pink Elephant pillow for me. At the time, I didn't see the importance behind this, but now, as an adult, I most definitely do. My Great Grandmother has gone on to pass since then. For years, I clung to this pillow. Every where I went, my proud pillow went too. Ellie, that was the name I had given this pillow. This pillow had seen happiness, tears and some of the best and worst moments of my life. Every vacation I took, Ellie was with me. If ever I spent the night at a friends house, Ellie was with me. No one seemed to mind and I didn't care how old, Ellie was going with me. Ellie even experienced her first plane ride to Mexico with me. We were best buds, my pillow and me. Because I had Ellie for so long, of course she slowly began to fall apart. This didn't bother me though, Ellie had seen me at my worst, who was I to judge? One day, I left Ellie on top of the washing machine, and my sister, not knowing any better accidentially threw her away. You would think something as simple as a pillow being tossed away wouldn't really have an impact on me right? Wrong! Ellie had been with me through thick and thin. Ellie was much, much more than just some ordinary pillow. This pillow had meaning...this pillow, my Ellie; had sentimental value. For years on end, I tried to find material that matched what Ellie looked like. At craft shows I constantly looked to see if anyone had any hand stiched Elephant pillows, and for years on end I was left with nothing, but pure disappointment. That is until last Christmas. As I sat and opened my gifts, I noticed that my Mom had hand stiched not, one, but two small elephant pillows. One looking exactly like my Ellie. As I pulled this pillow out of the perfectly gift wrapped package, I began to cry. All those wonderful memories of me and my Ellie pillow all came rushing back to me at once. Some people may think this is childish, but for me this is a moment in my life that I was always hold near. My Mom was able to see just how important this pillow had been to me through all these years. And it's timing was perfect. Don't you know I sleep with these two elephant pillows every night? I say all this to explain the purchase of the inexpensive Elephant Bracelet. For awhile now I have been struggling with the fact that Jeremy and I may or may not have another child. I hear the question on a daily basis..."Do you think you and Jeremy will have another?." Truth is, I don't know the answer to this question. Sometimes I think, yes, I would LOVE to have another child and then there are times when I am perfectly content. I think about the what if's? I think about how I am not getting any younger. I think about the changes as a woman I will soon be facing. I look at James and think about the wonderful big brother he would be. Emotion, after emotion hits me. Jeremy and I have had several discussions regarding this. He looks more at the financial aspect of it. Not that I don't. I also think about my health, my weight and my age. Those are of high importance to me. I don't want to put my life or the babies life at risk. So I have decided that I will no longer let all these thoughts consume my mind. Whatever is God's will is what will happen. Just like Ellie came came back into my life, I know what if it is God's will for Jeremy and I to have another child, then we will. And it will all be in his timing...perfect timing. I will wear my Pink Elephant Bracelet as a reminder that God is in control. I need not worry about tomorrow, or the day after, or the next week because He is Lord over all. It is not my decision, but his. I pray that every time I look down at this bracelet that I am reminded of this. My pink, Elephant Bracelet...not my will, but his be done!