Songs That Take You Back

Tonight while leaving work, I had my radio on like usual. Windows were down and I was slowly making my way home. I was excited to get home this evening, as I had put a chuck roast in the crock pot the night before. My house smelt amazing this morning and my mouth was literally watering all day long. On my drive home, my mind drifted off like it always does. This time was different though. The radio was still playing and as the next song came on, memories of a past relationship came flooding inside my mind. This was a time in my life that I thought I would never move on from. My heart had been broken into a million pieces and I had no clue as to where and begin to start picking them up. I was 19 years old and the day was February 19, 2001. At that point in time, I could not see my future without this person in it. In my mind, I was going to marry this person. I hated the fact that my parents, especially my Dad had it right all along. He's not for you Dallas...that's all I could hear. My Mom, being the supportive one, was there with me for months as I cried my eyes out. I recall sleeping in the bed with my Mom, while my Dad went in slept in my room. She held me as I just cried. Numerous days and nights were spent on the couch, as I didn't want to go in my room. Too many photos and memories to see. What hurt even more was knowing that my now ex was interested in one of my best friends. I felt like I had wasted nearly 3 years of my life...and for what? What was the point of all of this? Why was my heart breaking? Why me? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Pretty enough? I remember the night of the "break up" my younger sister and I drove to Northside Baptist church of Concord. They had what was called P63. Basically praise and worship for high school and college students. I had to get out of my house and I basically knew that "he" would be there. I wanted to see him, talk to him, smell him, just be near him. Whatever it took. I kept staring at the entry way just waiting to see him. He never showed. I learned later, that he did show, he was with my friend and when he saw me, they left because he didn't want to see my cry all night. I don't know if I would consider this sympathy or not? I know none of this matters now, but then my hurt was real. My heart and my feelings shattered. My future? What future? Now fast forward 17 years later...yes 17! I did make it past that point in my life. My heart mended, I moved on, I picked up the pieces and my heart loves again. I have been married for almost 13 years now, I have a beautiful son, who is now 9 years old. I am so blessed and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Looking back, I know that I was just a teenager, but I was a teenager who was in love. I know some say teenagers really don't know what love is, but trust me...that hurt in my heart, at that point in time, I wouldn't wish on anyone. I was miserable and it showed. Funny how a simple song that plays on the radio can take you back. All those memories and that hurt came flooding back...maybe not in the same sense or meaning as before, but still that reminder was there. I sat and listened to the words of that song and I realized just had far I had come. You see...God had a plan all along. Even though, I couldn't see past that difficult point in my life...the Master of the Universe could. Months after the "break up" my ex and I actually became really good fiends. We even went on double dates and he was the best man in mine and Jeremy's wedding. People tell me I am crazy, and when I tell people that...the looks I get are priceless. Truth is...I wouldn't have it any other way. I am grateful for the heart ache and the lessons learned. I am grateful that God allowed me to have this experience. Though it was a bad one at the time, I see now how God was moving in my life. He has provided all that I have needed and still continues to provide. I became a stronger person because of it.