Two years ago today Jeremy and I made one of the most difficult decisions of our life. We decided we needed to put our dog, Gunnar down. This was by no means an easy decision and to this day our decision still haunts me. I find myself asking was there more that we could have done? I often think of Gunnar and to this day I still miss him like crazy! Those wet little kisses are mostly missed and sometimes I think I can still hear him. I know some people think that I am crazy to miss a dog so much, but unless you have had a pet that is/has been very near and dear to your heart, then there is no understanding this. Gunnar was much more then a pet, he was a part of our family. He was my campion and someone who loved me unconditionally.
Today I had to take our dog, Ferb to the vet to have him checked for mites. I wish I could explain the feeling that came over me as I was driving him down the road. My mind mostly drifted off to how I was feeling that day exactly two years ago. I can still remember laying in the floor with Gunnar as he took his last breathe and became lifeless. I will NEVER forget the light that left his eyes as I laid there and held his little paw. He was a good boy...that is what I kept saying over and over again. I remember leaving there feeling so empty inside. This was the week of Thanksgiving and I was supposed to be thankful? Boy was I far from it.
Today I am thankful I was just taking Ferb for a rountine check up. Luckily he didn't have mites and it is just allergies. The bill I could do without, but at least this time I wasn't leaving empty handed and heart broken. I still have my Ferb. He might be one the CrAzIeSt dogs I have ever had, but Lord knows I love him! Ferbmister...that is just one of many nicknames. He is one of the most hyper active dogs-there is simply no denying that! I wish I could say that Jeremy and I have opened our hearts to love Ferb like we loved our Gunnar, but honeslty I cannot. I don't know if it is becasuse I am scared to love that much again or if my heart can never fully mend from losing Gunnar. They say time heals all wounds, but when you really love something/someone like I loved my Gunnar, I am not sure if that saying is actually true.
I have always pictured Gunnar up in Dog Heaven running around and playing catch like he used too. I can see that little bobbed tail just a waggin! Momma misses you Gunnar, but I know I will see you one day soon! Until then, know that you are loved and missed beyond measure!
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