One Last Christmas Gift...A Tribute To My Pawpaw

 I must admit that it has been a bittersweet Chirstmas for my family and I. As many of you may or may not know, my Pawpaw, Larry Dulin Sr. went home to be with our Lord on Christmas Eve. It has been a week of preparing ourselves for the difficult news and events to follow. I wish I could put into words all the emotions that have been felt these past couple of days. It has been a time of sorrow and joy all wrapped up in one long roller coaster ride. You see, we first got news of my Pawpaw being diagnosed with cancer last Monday night, and within a weeks time, he is now gone. I have spent most of my time thinking of my Mammaw and the pain she must endure within the upcoming weeks. Jeremy and I will have been married for seven years this upcoming February. I can only imagine the pain she must feel to no longer have her husband and best friend right by her side. This literally breaks my heart and it is my prayer that God will give her the strength to make it through this. My Pawpaw always called my Mammaw shug. I can hear him right now..."I love you Shug". I have recalled stories that my Pappaw would tell over and over again and can hear his laughter and little snort that he always had. No one could tell stories quite like my Pawpaw. He has a way of drawing you in and I am blessed in the fact that my son, James, inherited some of those traits. I think about the 30 years I have had to spend with my Pawpaw and getting to know him. What an honor it has been. He is a humble man, and never in my life have I ever met someone as hardworking and knowledgable as he. He would bend over backwords for his family and friends. There is no denying that. As the days pass, his presence will be missed. My family has cried and laughed and laughed and cried. There is no replacing him, but we can all rejoice in fact that he is in Heaven and no longer suffering. He was reunited with his son, John, on Christmas Eve and I can only imagine what Christmas must have been like for the both of them. Ohh what a birthday party that must have been! To see our Savior and Lord face to face! We can also rejoice in the fact, that as believers ourself, we will get to see our Pawpaw's sweet face again!
My pawpaw was a jokestar and as we gathered down at our Pawpaw and Mammaws house on Christmas Eve, like we do every year, he was going to make his presence known. Yes, this was hard, and yes our family fought back the tears, but it was good getting to spend time with my family as we paid tribute to my Pawpaw's life. There were no presents wrapped under the tree that said to Anne from Larry or vice versa. I guess my grandparents had told one another not to get any gifts for themselves, but if you know my Pawpaw, he would do anything to make his Shug happy. After our family filled up on food and the gifts were passed out to the grandkids...there was one last gift. It was a gift from my Pawpaw to my Mammaw. My Mammaw took the gift and the tears imediately filled her eyes and she read the gift tag. The room became silent and all eyes were fixed upon her. She slowly started un wrapping and before you know it she finally made her way to her prized pocession. Nope...thats not like my Pawpaw. It was a gift inside of another gift. There was more unwapping to be done. My Mammaws hands were fragile as she handled the perfectly wrapped gift and she slowly started to open the next. She had to have a little help from my Aunt Cindi. They both cut into the paper and what we all thought was going to be her gift was another gift wrapped box inside the other. You couldn't help but laugh and cry all at the same time. My Pawpaw had made his presence known. Finally my Mammaw made her way through the final gift wrap and as she slowly opened what would be her final Chirtsmas gift from my Pawpaw, her heart was filled with joy. It was a BEAUTIFUL gold diamond ring. My Mammaw slipped onto her small and fragile finger and gazed upon it for awhile. It was simply perfect, just like his love for her.
Pawpaw you will be missed, but never forgotten! You are loved more then you could possibly know and I am blessed to have had you in my life.

Prayers are with you Newtown, CT

In light of yesterday's tragic events in CT, I kept coming back to the following song by Tenth Avenue North. They are a Christian band and I thought the lyrics were very fitting. I don't know what causes a person to act out in so much anger and hate, much less take the lives of innocent children. I know there a lot of people asking why? The truth of the matter is, I don't have an explantion, nor an answer. The only thing I can say is that God is still on his thrown. He still reigns and if anyone can understand our hurt and pain it is him.
Yesterday will forever be a day that impacted our lives. Whether you live in Newtown CT, live in NC, have children or your own, or do not, we were all impacted. I first got the news when I sat down to check my email. My son, James was standing right there beside me, and as the tears slowly began to run down my face, I heard his sweet voice say "What's wrong Mommy?" How do you explain this to your three year old? I grabbed him, pulled him in thight and slowly whispered "I just don't know why people are so mean sometimes." I sat there for a minute clinching to my son and as I stared at him, I thought to myself, what if it were us? What if our lives had been turned upside down in literally one day? What if I no longer had my son? I cannot even begin to imgaine the pain these families, friends and loved ones are feeling and I will not sit here and pretend that I do. I wouldn't even know where to begin. You might as well dig a grave for me too. There were many emotions felt yesterday and still are being felt at this very moment.
I keep looking at my son and praising the Lord over and over again that he is with me today and I get to hold and squeeze his little hands one more time. I keep thinking about the gunman and what must have been going through his mind. What could make a person do something like this? I keep thinking about all the students and faculty on staff yesterday morning and how their lives will be forever changed. How can they ever get this horrific event out of their minds? I think about the families and what it must have been like to get that call, or to turn the news on and see that your childs school is under attack. I can't help but to feel scared myself. Is there anywhere safe now?
My heart is truly broken. It is my prayer that forgiveness can overcome evil. I pray that hearts can mend and that all those affected can find peace in knowing that God is right there with them. My heart is with you Newtown, Connecticut.

"Losing"

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love, this is hate...
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Oh, no!

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

[x2]
Oh, Father won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
Yeah, I feel like I've been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losin'

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losing

Wishing I Could Stop Time

Had a sentimental moment while cleaning James room. I was reminded of good times...I remember picking out the paint colors for his room and how Jeremy and I painted this. I looked at his stuffed animals and photo frames and was reminded of his baby showers. I looked at his stroller and his car seat tucked away in the corner and it hit me just how fast he has grown up. I cannot believe my little Butterbean will be 4 years old in March! Where does the time go? I was saddened to think that Jeremy and I may not ever have another. Wishing financial circumstances could be different and that I was where I wanted to be health wise. I thank God for that precious MIRACLE and I hope and pray that each time I enter his room that I am reminded of his love. I hope those memories never go away. I hope that God will continue to allow me to have these little moments, moments that I ponder and treasure in my heart. James you are growing up WAY too fast! If only I could stop time!

I look at you and I see the spunky little three year old that you are and I cannot help, but to stop and thank God for all that he has done. You are so precious to me, and I pray that I never take that forgranted. I remember my Mom always telling me that you don't know what it is like to love someone until you have a child of your own. Boy was she right. Sometimes I sneak into his room at night just before going to bed myself and I see that sweet innocent face...and I think to myself..."Is he really mine?" I don't know why God choose me, Dallas, to bring this sweet, precious and loving child into the world, but I will be forever grateful. I cannot imagine my life without him, nor do I want to. God gave me much much more then a son. He gave me a precious MIRACLE! I never imagined having a little boy. I always pictured myself raising a little girl, I even had her name picked out, Savannah Nichole. That is what we would call her. Much to my surprise, I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was having a little boy. Forget the pink, it's time to start thinking BLUE!

I remember thinking about what he would like look, what his little personality would be, what might his first word be. All those things seem to gather in your mind. He is everything I thought and much more. He gets his wits from his Daddy and well, his good looks of course come from me! Haha! One things is for sure, when he bats those BIG BLUE eyes at you, your heart just melts. Little stinker has conned his way with things, that's for sure. I guess I am a sucker for blue eyes and puckered little lips.

Don't let Jeremy fool you either, James has his way of conning him into saying yes too. Maybe I should start doing that myself...I wonder if that would work for Jeremy? Hummm...I am thinking back rub right about now. (Insert lip pucker right here) LOL

I hope my son knows just how much his Mommy and Daddy love him! James, I promise to love you as long as God lets me. You my Angel, Butterbean, Stinkbug, Peanut Butter Cup, Snicker Doodle and Snuggle Buddy all wrapped up in one! Never forget to let your light shine! You are loved and adored!

-Mommy-

 

Two Years Ago Today...

Two years ago today Jeremy and I made one of the most difficult decisions of our life. We decided we needed to put our dog, Gunnar down. This was by no means an easy decision and to this day our decision still haunts me. I find myself asking was there more that we could have done? I often think of Gunnar and to this day I still miss him like crazy! Those wet little kisses are mostly missed and sometimes I think I can still hear him. I know some people think that I am crazy to miss a dog so much, but unless you have had a pet that is/has been very near and dear to your heart, then there is no understanding this. Gunnar was much more then a pet, he was a part of our family. He was my campion and someone who loved me unconditionally.
Today I had to take our dog, Ferb to the vet to have him checked for mites. I wish I could explain the feeling that came over me as I was driving him down the road. My mind mostly drifted off to how I was feeling that day exactly two years ago. I can still remember laying in the floor with Gunnar as he took his last breathe and became lifeless. I will NEVER forget the light that left his eyes as I laid there and held his little paw. He was a good boy...that is what I kept saying over and over again. I remember leaving there feeling so empty inside. This was the week of Thanksgiving and I was supposed to be thankful? Boy was I far from it.
Today I am thankful I was just taking Ferb for a rountine check up. Luckily he didn't have mites and it is just allergies. The bill I could do without, but at least this time I wasn't leaving empty handed and heart broken. I still have my Ferb. He might be one the CrAzIeSt dogs I have ever had, but Lord knows I love him! Ferbmister...that is just one of many nicknames. He is one of the most hyper active dogs-there is simply no denying that! I wish I could say that Jeremy and I have opened our hearts to love Ferb like we loved our Gunnar, but honeslty I cannot. I don't know if it is becasuse I am scared to love that much again or if my heart can never fully mend from losing Gunnar. They say time heals all wounds, but when you really love something/someone like I loved my Gunnar, I am not sure if that saying is actually true.
I have always pictured Gunnar up in Dog Heaven running around and playing catch like he used too. I can see that little bobbed tail just a waggin! Momma misses you Gunnar, but I know I will see you one day soon! Until then, know that you are loved and missed beyond measure!

Caught Up in the Moment

Nothing can describe how I feel when my three year old son, James snuggles up close to me. I get lost in the moment. I think about when he was a newborn and how at times I would hold him up close in my arms and imagine the little boy he might grow into. He is everything I thought he would be and more. I hope the day never comes when those precious snuggles go away. For a moment all the stress of the world seems to disappear and I am at peace with myself. I pull my son close and cling to him. I can feel the warmth of his little body up against mine and it simply puts a smile on my face. I catch a little tickle from his hair and the smell of baby shampoo seems to fill the air. I wish I could somehow save all these little moments. I gently wrap my arms around him and take hold of those innocent hands, I squeeze his little fingers. I am caught up in the moment.

Thankful

With the holiday season quickly approaching, I am reminded of all that I am thankful for. So many times I forget just how truly I am blessed. It is not until I lay my head down at night, that I realize just how much God has given me. I have a lot to be thankful for this year. For starters my family, for without them I don't know what I would do. They love and support me despise all my faults and weaknesses. My husband is a God send, and I could not have asked for a better father to my son. He provides for our family and does it all without complaining. Even when I did not have a job, he was there to back me up 100%. I am truly thankful to God for bringing him into my life and I cannot ever imagine him not being there.
I am thankful for my wonderful and precious son, James, who ALWAYS knows how to brighten my day. One look into those BIG BLUE BEAUTIFUL eyes of his and your heart just melts. I am thankful for all the hugs and kisses that he gives me and I hope and pray that as the years go by, those never go away. I love my little Butterbean!
I am thankful for my job as a nanny and God allowing me this opportunity to help provide for my family. I am thankful for four wonderful and crazy kids named Sierra, Jax, Wyatt and Ivy. I am thankful for my boss, Carolyn. I am thankful for two puppies named Ruby and Jade. There is never a dull moment working as a nanny!
I am thankful that God has provided shelter, food and warm clothes. I think about that a lot each night as I lay in my warm, cozy bed. How many times do we take this forgranted? There are so many out there much less fortunate then I. Thank you God for all that you have bestowed upon me and thank you Lord for your un-failing love. You give me so much more then I could ever deserve! I am truly THANKFUL!

Ode to My Mom

I don't think I could use just one word to describe my Mom, but if I had a whole list to choose from, my answers might look a little something like this...
Loving, Caring, Affectionite, Christian, Giving, Friend, Intelligent, Beautiful, Kind...the list would forever go on. My Mom is my hero, someone I have always looked up and admired. I can't thank her enough for all she has done in my life. She has seen me through life's up and downs. I would not be the woman I am today without her. She has seen me through heartaches and disappointments. She has been there through all the glorious occasions in my life. My Mom is an inspiration to all she comes in contact with, but especially me. I am so grateful and thankful that God choose her to be my Mother, I could not have asked for better. I am thankful to have been raised in a loving and Christian home. My Mom taught me and instilled upon the true meaning of life. She showed me what it means to love and I can only hope that I can show my son as much love and care. My Mom and I have always been close and I am so grateful that I can pick up the phone and tell her exactly how my day is going. Not too many people can say they have that kind of relationship. I know our time here on Earth is short lived, so it is my prayer that my Mom knows how much she means to me and how much she is loved and appreciated. I cannot thank her enough for all the things she has done in my life. It does not matter how many times I may disappoint or let her down, at the end of the day, she will always be my biggest fan.
When I was younger I remember her coming into my room and singing songs, but the one that sticks out the most in my mind is "You are My Sunshine." I often sing this to my son and when I do and I am taken back to those youthful nights.I hope she knows every time I hear this song that I think of her and all those nights she came into my room and tucked me in. This is something I will never forget and I hope my son will always remember this to. There are also specials moments and occasions that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I remember when I was still living at home and waking up at 3 in the morning just to go outside and stand in the driveway with my Mom and watch a meteor shower. It was like nothing I have ever seen and it is a little something special that I got to do with my Mom and something that I will ALWAYS remember. My Mom is not always perfect, and yes we do have our moments, but I will always love her no matter what. I wouldn't trade having Laura Dulin as my Mom for anything in the world. I only hope that others can see how much she means to me, for I am truly blessed! Thank you God for trusting her to raise me and take care of me here on Earth. She definitely deserves an A+.
Mom...if you are reading this, then please know that I love you VERY much and I am so very grateful that I get to call you my Mother. You are appreciated and I am sorry for the times that I take all you have done forgranted. I hope that you can forgive me. My only hope is that I can be half the mother to James that you have been to me. I love you!
-Dallas-

Feeling of self-worth...what does this mean to you? Was is your purpose in life? So many times I have asked myself these very questions. There are days when I struggle with who I am as a person and what my sole purpose in life is? Today I received an email from a person very near and dear to me. I could tell this person was hurting. She had lost her feeling of self worth and purpose. I think everyone goes through this at least one point in their life. You feel unappreciated or unloved, sometimes you may even feel unwanted by anyone. We lose sight of who we are and what we mean to others. We get wrapped up in titles and find ourself asking those very questions. After losing a job that I had worked at for over three years, I too found myself asking these very questions. I forgot who I was. I was so focused on asking "why" that I lost sight of God's plan and purpose for my life. I felt so alone and scared. I lost sight of who Dallas was.
I know there are many people out there right now feeling unappreciated and trying so hard to figure out their true purpose in life. So you may not have all the answers, it doesn't mean you are any less valuable. We were all created in God's image, thats how valuable you are. God didn't say oh there is Dallas, I will just put her on this Earth to clean and cook. We are all loved and wanted in God's eyes. Sure there are days when I feel unappreciated. I have my moments just like any other human on Earth. I have found myself asking...okay is this it? Is this all I have to offer? I am now 30 years old and thought I would have accomplished so much more by now. I struggle with this. I find myself using titles, like wife, mother and nanny. I have to remind myself that I am so much more then this. A few weeks ago I was at work cleaning like I do on a daily basis and was thinking..."is this really it?" "Is my sole purpose in life to go to work every day as a nanny?" I say things don't happen by chance and this is just one of many reasons why. In the moment when I was only thinking of myself, I received a phone call from my sister in law. We got to talking and she told me about a lady she had met that day. She found her on One's Man Junk. This lady was looking for a microwave and it just so happened that my sister in law was looking to sale hers. She has gone to drop off the microwave and found out that this lady was now caring for 11 children in her household. Only two of the eleven were hers. She had taken them in b/c the childrens parents had both lost their jobs and now they were losing their house. This lady is a stay at home Mom and her husband works for Papa Johns. I am no genius, but I am guessing this job does not pay much. Yet, they were willing to take in 9 children, give them food and clothes and most of all love. In that moment I thought about how selfesh I was being. Here I am wondering is this all life has to offer when people are much worse off then I. I am blessed to have a job, food to put in my mouth, clothes to dress myself, and a roof over my head. What do I have to complain about?
I try to remind myself of this when those wondering thoughts seem to pop into my head. Overall I do know that God has a plan for me. I am a work in progress. In Gods eyes I know I am appreciated and loved and always wanted. I know this is hard to explain to those that don't believe. I just say look at the things around you. Do you think this all happened by chance? Some people even say how can you believe in someone or something you can't even see? My answer to that...Can you see the wind? No,but you can see the effects of it. Just like I see the effects of God on a daily basis. If you have been feeling unappreciated or unloved or have even lost your feeling of self worth...just know that you are loved and appreciated and wanted. You are loved, wanted and appreciated by the one who made you. That person is God.

Dear Diary,

Okay, so this past weekend (Sunday to be exact) my Dad gave me a box full of some belongings of mine. In this box were all kinds of things, mostly old photos and Christmas decorations. Things of that nature. There was also an old Bible that my friend, Crystal Butler gave me and an Old Diary of mine. I looked at the Bible first. I was surprised at some of the things I found in it. Mostly old church bulletins. Most dated back to the year 1999. There were a few writings on each. Mostly between me and my best friend Amy. We were preparing to go on a youth trip from what I could tell. There were also some silly notes wrote back and forth. One went a little something like this...
"Busta, when we get out of here do you want to go and grab a bite to eat?" Or my personal fav. "Umm you stink, I can seriously smell you all the way back here" I also found a few notes from an old boyfriend, Jason. Some, I had to laugh at reading. I also came across an old booklet that belonged to Jason. It was from our youth mission trip taken to Orlando, FL. The conference was called Kingdom 1999. There were some conversational pieces written in there from one of the worship leaders, Dana Russell. I was immediatley taken back. I remember her ladies only sessions and will never forget the following words "Sex is great in the bonds of Holy Matrimony" if you were there, then I am sure you will recall those words. My younger sister, Michelle and I literally said this at the same time and bust out laughing. It is funny the things you can remember in a blink of an eye and how easily you can forget others. Looking at the booklet I also came across names that my bestfriend was trying to decide on for her child. Some listed were Brittany Elizabeth and Brandon Micheal. I suppose those names were a no go, as she decided on Bailey.
Next I picked up the old diary. I opened it and had to laugh...who knew what this was going to say. The first page simply states my name, the year and what my interests/hobbies are. Wow how quickly things have changed in 12 years! The diary is dated from May of 2000 to May of 2001. Things were about to get interesting. I turn the page and come to the offical first entry. Mind you I was 17 going on 18 at the time.
Dear Diary, today is May 10th, 2000. I go on to talk about school (Vance High) and I am praying that I will pass my math test. May 12th...It's a Friday night and it's Midnight. I should be asleep, but unfortunatley my stomach is killing me b/c I ate way too much pizza! I am trying to decide what I should purchase my bestfriend, Amy for her 18th birthday. Tomorrow I have an interview with Barbizon Modeling. I also talked with Jennifer Klemp and she asked that I join her at the YMCA to work out, but I don't have a membership yet. I am in the process of getting this.
May 14th, 2000-it's Mother's Day and Michelle and I have bought my Mom some new glasses. (Big spenders) The following night was Amy's birthday party. This was held at her older sisters apartment. We ate pizza, sang karoke, played card games and then went bowling. May 17th-I am worried about upcoming exams, but happy that I have Jason to help me study. I also find out I need to have my wisdom teeth yanked.
June 8th, 2000-It's 11:49 PM and I am laying in my bed wide awake. I have finally graduated school and I am hoping all  my friends will keep in touch. I just got home from the beach on Sunday, after my older sister took me and Amy. I am happy that my ex, David is now dating my good friend, Katie, even though others seem to disagree. June 11th-I just got home from Katie and Ashley Nance house . Some of the youth were over and we watched Blue Streak. I apparently find this movie halarious. I am disappointed in myself for not attending my older sisters Bachlorette party. I am praying she will not be upset with me. I didn't go b/c I felt out of place. June 13th-I am happy b/c Jason came over on his lunch break and I made him pizza. Wishing we could spend some more time together. I also went off with my cousin, Kristin and her boyfriend, Jeremy Ferris at the time. I am shocked that they are dating.
June 18th-it's Father's Day and my older sister got married the day before. I am upset b/c I think I will never get to see and spend time with her again. I can't believe it is now 1:00 in the morning. I just got home from watching the Green Mile with the youth group at David Teagues house. July 4th, 2000-I slept in until 11:00 and when I finally got up, I made a batch of brownies for the 4th of July gathering at Barbara and Arthur Wilson's house. I also have a terrible headache and keep telling Jason that I feel like I am going to be sick. I suck it up, b/c I am excited to go on a boat ride. While on the lake it starts pouring. This will be a 4th of July I will never forget. July 7th-Kristin stayed the night with me b/c she didn't have to be at work until late. We were up all night talking and laughing our heads off. We also went to dinner with Jason at Macado's.
July 14th- I didn't really do much, but clean all day. Michelle is excited to get her permit. She will be leaving for Jamaica soon, so I drop her off at Ashley's house so they can prepare for their trip.
July 16th-I am boasting about how long Jason and I have dated. It has been 1 year and 9 months. No one thought we would make it this long. (I really laughed reading this-how cheesy was I?)
July 27th-I am preparing to take college courses at CPCC's north campus. I am not excited about taking placement tests esp. in math. I am also worried about my dog, Oscar. He has not been doing so good here lately.
August 6th-I just got back from a youth mission trip to centrifuge. It was so awesome. The whole theme was face to face and it means having encounters with God. Some of the subjects were risk takers, integrity, perserverance and teachability. Ashley Nance rededicated her life. Oscar is waiting patiently for me to hit the sack.
August 19th-I got home from Jason's house about 30 minutes ago. We had friends over and grilled out hamburgers and hotdogs. Jesse and Jeremy Welch never made it and we are wondering where they are at. Someone left the grill on and burnt the burgers down to a crisp.
Oct. 10th-I went off with Amy and Bailey to the mall. I finally bought Jason something for our two year anniversary. I am happy that I got to spend some time with my bestie. I know it most be hard being a single mother at 18.
October 25th-I am sitting in bed. I just got done writing a thesis statement for my English class. I was told my Math teacher, Mr. Tran had a stroke. I am praying he is okay. I have never had anyone teach me like he did. Jason is considering taking a counsleing job in Sailsbury and I am worried he will meet some older girl and forget all about me. I convince myself I am just being silly.
Nov. 6th-Today has been a pretty good day. I had a presentation to do in English, but it was not hard. Jason came over for lunch and then my Aunt Sue called and asked if I could watch my cousin Dylon. I don't mind.
Nov. 16th-I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I need to drop some film off at Wally World for my photography class and I seriously need to get my nails did.
Nov. 26th-I am worried about something. I don't know who to turn to and I am afraid to talk to Jason b/c I am scared he won't understand. (Wishing I had wrote was it is that was bothering me)
Dec. 12th-I got to sleep in b/c I had my English exam. I am thinking about Jason and his grandmother. I know that he misses her. Tomorrow I am going to Amy's house to prepare for the songs we will be singing at church. I am happy to spend the day with her.
Dec. 15th-Tomorrow, Michelle and I have hair appointment and I super excited about this. I am thinking of going with a new look. (Haha)
Dec. 20th-Five days until Christmas and I cannot wait. We had our youth Christmas party and Jason and I got into an argument. Later we apologized to one another. I am still trying to find the perfect Christmas gifts for Dad and Jason. Men are so much harder to buy for, I say.
Dec. 28th-I am sitting in bed with Oscar, the day has gone by slow, but I got to spend some time with Mom. Michelle spent the night at the Nance house and Mom and I went to Max and Ermas. Michelle thinks we had leftover turkey sandwiches. Little does she know.
Jan. 13th, 2001-I am finding it hard to believe that it's already the start of a new year. Praying it will be a great one! Jason, Michelle and Danny Kennedy all went to the movies together to see Family Guy. I think we all had a really great time. Tomorrow I have to teach Sunday School for the 4&5 year old's-I better get some sleep now.
Jan. 25th-I have to babysit for Kim Yandle. I am praying the kiddos will all be good. Wishing I could spend some time with Jason, but he is now working 3rd shift and starting to act strange. I have music appreciation and psychology tomorrow morning, I better get some sleep.
Feb. 1st 2001-I ran into my cousin, Jimmy and his girlfriend, Laura. I am happy to finally meet her. Jimmy was registering for classes at CPCC. When I got home from school I really didn't do much, but clean.
Feb. 4th-Last night Ashley Nance stayed over. We were up until 2 in the morning chatting about all kinds of things. I plan to go to the YMCA tomorrow to work out...trying to get into that bikini for the summer. I barely got to talk with Jason. I am thinking something is up.
Feb. 12th-I looked all day to find Jason goodies for Valentines Day. I finally went to Wally World and racked up. I ran into Gary Nance and he and I chatted for a little while. I am praying Jason will like all his gifts. I wonder what he has for me? Jason finally called tonight, but we only talked for maybe two minutes. I feel like he is always busy with something. I love him so much and it would kill me if something ever happened to him. Ready for Valentines Day.
Feb. 14th-Yay Valentines Day is here! I love this day! I honestly don't know if Jason particuarlly cared for all his gifts. He didn't say much and kind of blew me off. He says he was just tired. He got me a dozen red roses and a candle. I think the candle stinks, but suppose it will do. Hoping the flowers will last awhile, but they already appear to be dried up. I am hoping Jason will take me ice skating like he promised. I love ice skating!
Feb. 15th-Today has been okay. I woke up with a headache. After going to class, I came home and let Oscar out, talked to Jason for a few minutes and then cleaned. Let's just say all the laundry is done. Jason is starting to really upset me. I don't feel right about something. Praying all will be okay.
Feb. 17th-I am babysitting again tonight. I am happy to earn the money, but wishing I was with Jason instead. Praying the night goes by fast. I get scared after everyone goes to bed. I called Jason again, but he was over at the Nances house playing guitar. I miss not getting to talk with him. I am wondering if he likes someone else?
May 14th of the year 2001-Boy it sure is funny how fast time goes by. It has been nearly 3 months since I last wrote. A million things have happened. To start, Jason and I officially broke up on Feb. 19th. I feel like I can't trust anyone with my feelings. I have been struggling to keep a smile on my face. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy.
May 15th 2001-Today is Amy's birthday. I have been gone all day trying to find her the perfect gift. I don't feel like myself and praying this pain will go away. I don't want to hear the name Jason, but then again I do.
May 16th-I don't think anyone understands the pain I am going through. Praying God will bring me through this. It takes forever for me to fall asleep. All I do is cry. Praying for happiness and peace.

That was my last entry. It's hard to believe that this is the year 2012. 12 years have passed since I wrote in that little white book. I was brought back to time of innocence and youth. I again was reminded how much God works. It was fun going back in time and recalling all that happened. It brought back many good memories and many sad. Happy to know that I survived what I thought was the end of my life! Some might find it cheesy that I being 17/18 years of age had a diary, but I am actually happy that I did this. Now I have something to remember and from time to time I can open it and recall all those memories made. So happy for where God has brought me and where he will continue to take me. Who knows what's in store for the next 12? Praising God he brought me through all those hardships and I look forward to him molding me even more.

Dear Diary,
Today is September 12th of the year 2012...

I Remember...

Do you ever find yourself wondering about things of the past? Sometimes when I am alone, or just riding in the car on my way home from work, my mind tends to dwell on past memories. I recall good times and bad times. Sometimes I find myself laughing out loud and sometimes I catch a few tears every now and then rolling down my cheek. These are things I remember...
I remember when New Kids on the Block was the hottest boys band around. I remember days hanging out with our church youth group. I remember youth mission trips. I remember trips to Long Beach with my best friend. I remember the day my Gramps died like it was yesterday. I also remember the smell of butterscotch and how it still makes me sick to this day. I remember my first tape set. I remember my first crush. I remember the first time a boy ever asked me out. I remember staying up and watching the meteor showers with Mom out in the middle of our drive way. I remember Christmas Eve at my Great Grandmas house. I remember my first airplane ride to Mexico! I remember playing softball for Northside Baptist Church. I remember roller blading and the first time I busted my butt. I remember Look Up Lodge and the concrete water slide. I remember Awanas. I remember Vacation Bible School. I remember breaking my arm and what it felt like. I remember watching Ghost Busters over and over again all while eating hotdogs. I remember the Caterpillar tree on Ashford Drive. I remember our first cat, Snowball. I remember my first job. I remember 9/11. I remember my first break up. I remember having sleep overs and the pool at Davis Lake. I remember singing in God's Kids. I remember marker fights with my younger sister, Michelle. I remember when playing Nintendo was the bomb! I remember days riding on the cheese wagon. I remember when I got my license. I remember how I hated my first car! I remember my first turtle, given to me by Brian Holland. I remember Valentines Day in Elementary School. I remember writing little love notes. I remember when Kiss 95.1 was 95.1 the Edge. I remember Coach Allen from Ranson Middle School. I remember pep rallies. I remember Dare Camp with Allison Almond. I remember my first trip to Ikea in Maryland with my older sister, Nichole. I remember playing with Barbies. I remember my first date. I remember races at the Metrolina Expo. I remember my first roller coaster ride at Carowinds. I remember my first concert. I remember making silly videos with my best friend. I remember poofy bangs. I remember slap bracelets. I remember moon shoes. I remember my first trip to Disney World. I remember when my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzhiemers. I remember my first ride in my Mustang. I remember Dad's softball games at Hornet's Nest Park. I remember my first day of college. I remember when doing the right thing was the norm, not so true these days. I remember when my husband said I love you for the first time. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant and how excited I was. I remember the day I heard his heart beat for the first time. I remember my ultrasound and how happy I was when they told me I was having a little boy. I remember when I got to lay eyes on my son for the first time. I remember how blessed I felt when I got to hold him for the first time. I remember our dog Gunnar and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I remember having sock hops at Statesville Road Elementary. I remember going shopping at Eastland Mall with Rose Miller. I remember when phone numbers didn't include area codes when you dialed someone. I remember when tie-dyed and splatter paint t-shirts were the hottest fashions. I remember watching Full House, Boy Meets World, Family Matters and Step By Step on Friday Nights. I remember when going to the movies didn't cost an arm and a leg. I remember when University Place actually had a movie place. I rememeber going Ice Skating at Eastland Mall with family and friends. I rememeber the day we had to put our beloved Oscar down because he had cancer. I remember when I saw my Dad cry for the first time. I remember school nights and Mom sneaking us girls pizza from Pizza Hut. I remember when Pizza Hut and Dominos where the only pizza places avaliable. I remember plays at church and the day my older sister came to accept the Lord. I remember when there were no such things as lap tops. I remember when all you had was dial up internet. I rememeber watching episodes of Saved By the Bell over and over again. I remember playing hide and go seek with all my friends. I rememeber making indoor tents and using clothes pins to hold them together. I remember...

SNOW

I know it may seem crazy that I am already thinking about snow, especially since it is now the middle of July. I just cannot help it. Something about the ground blanketed with fresh white powder. Makes the world seem not so terrible, if even just for a moment. I never have been a fan of Summer. Most people think I am crazy. Winter has always been my favorite season. There is just something about drinking hot chocolate and snuggling up close to the people you love. Makes me feel all warm and cozy inside. When I think about snow, I think about how each individual snow flake is different. No two are alike. I think about snow angels and snow men and snow ball fights. I recall snow days from when I was just a little kid and how Mom would always make snow cream. I think about chicken noodle soup and warming up by the fire. I love seeing children and their little rosey red cheeks. Night is always when I love snow fall the best. I love peering out the window and looking at God's beauty all around me. Most of all I love walking in the snow, something about all that crunching underneath my feet. Makes me feel like a little kid all over again. Sometimes I just lay back, stick my tongue out and see how many snow flakes I can catch. I think about sleding and all the good times I had growing up in Crater Park. There was never a dull moment. I think about snow days from school and how excited we would be when Mom would come in and say "there is no school today".
I think about the Christmas season and how it is always my prayer for a White Christmas. I got to experience this for the first time ever two years ago. God had heard my prayers. It was so peaceful. There is just something so surreal about it. I remember times in Blowing Rock, NC with family and how every first weekend in December we drive up and get our Christmas Tree. It is so much more fun when it snows. Nothing like picking out the perfect tree in falling snow. It is the BEST! So yes, it may be July, but my mind is already thinking of December. Praying for the powdery white stuff again this year. Let it SNOW, let it SNOW, let it SNOW!

To Get Me To You...Continued

I remember the night he proposed just like it was yesterday. I remember being so excited and overcome with joy. I was so happy and was bursting at the seams to tell everyone. Jeremy and I make our way back to the beach house hand and hand. My cousin, Josh is outside with some of his friends and I immediately make the big announcement. I start showing off my beautiful and prized ring. I could literally stare at this all night! I make my way upstairs and into the house. Kristin and her Mom are sitting on the couch. Kristin looks at me and says with a huge smile on her face..."so did you say yes?" No fair...I wanted to surprise her. Her Mom, Betty just laughs. I proceed once again to show off my new BLING. I pick up the phone to call my parents so I can give them the good news. My Mom picks up and so I say "guess what?" she says "I know" Seriously...can I please surprise someone! Turns out Jeremy had asked for permission from my parents before hand. I heard all about that story later from my Mom. Turns out everyone that I tried calling that night already knew the BIG news. It is amazing how fast word gets out! 

That night Jeremy and I decide to take a little walk together. We start thinking about dates and Jeremy tells me that he would like a long engagement. He wants to save some more money so we can start planning our lives together. I wanted a Christmas Wedding. This has always been my most favorite time of year. It always seems so magical to me...like anything can happen. We decide we better hold off on a Christmas Wedding, as this wouldn't be fair for most of his family. Most of his relatives live in Utah or Arkansas. Most of my family is here. We soon decide on February 4th 2006. Mind you this was July of 2004 when he proposed. I was ready now! I already knew what colors and flowers I wanted. I was super excited to start dress shopping even though the wedding was nearly two years away! Our vacation quickly comes to an end and it is now time to go home. Yay...I can finally show off my ring to everyone! 

The months go by and the wedding plans begin. Jeremy tells me I can do whatever I want. That it is my day. I tried to have him be more involved. It wasn't that he didn't care, I guess it's just called being a guy. Jeremy never has been much of a shopper...even though he is more picky then I. He probably wouldn't admit this, but trust me, he is. Jeremy likes plain things and well I tend to like things that pop and shine. BLING is an essential color (I think). I have already picked out my dress by this point. I wasn't the type to sit around and wait. My younger sister, Michelle is actually the one who picked my dress out. We purchased this from David's Bridal. I remember trying this on and I knew it was the one. My Mom starts crying of course. I am in love and I can't wait for our BIG DAY. It seems like the next months wanted to drag on, but then before I knew it, our BIG day had finally arrived. It is February 3rd. The night before our wedding. My stomach is in knots as we run through the dress rehearsal. Jeremy is just as calm as he can be. We have our dress rehearsal dinner at the church. Afterwards I make my way back upstairs to help with decorating the sanctuary. I want everything to be perfect. My Mom is into bows...always has been. Me...not so much. Everything seems perfect until I look up and what do I see hanging from the Baptismal? A BIG UGLY BOW smack dab in the middle. I make a little fuss over this...hoping someone will take this down. I didn't want to be Bridezilla...after all it was just a bow. I did hate it though. I take a few more looks around and realize we need more candle holders and candles. Our wedding was to start at 5:30 the next evening. My best friend, Amy and I decide we had better make a trip to Wally World. We were there for literally 3 hours. We finally make it back to the church and make the last minute arrangements. I still can't get that BIG bow out of my mind. I just want the thing down. It does not match! My mom assures me we will take this down before tomorrow. That night I stayed at my parents house and my younger sister, Michelle asks if I want to have a sleep over in her room. We talked and laughed for a little while and she asks if I am nervous. By this point I am fine and just looking forward to what tomorrow has to bring. She nods off and I am laying there wide awake. Too much on mind as I wonder what the next months and years will be like. I start to cry, not because I am sad, but simply because I will miss these conversations and moments spent with my sister and parents. Jeremy and I had purchased a house in October of 2005, but Jeremy and I did not move in together. He was living there by himself. So that night would officially be the last night at my parents house. I thought about this for awhile and wondered how different this would be. I would now be responsible for my own mortgage. I was growing up, getting married and leaving my parents nest. 

Morning comes and I cannot believe that I am getting married. I will be Mrs. Jeremy Welch. I remember how weird it felt telling everyone that Jeremy was my fiancé. How much more weird would it be saying this is my husband? It took awhile to sink in. It's funny all the stages you go through in one's life. baby, child, teenager, young adult, adult, girlfriend/boyfriend...you catch my drift. I go for my hair appointment and make all the necessary preparations like any Bride would do. My girls are right there with me. My older sister, Nichole, My younger sister, Michelle, My cousin Kristin and my best friend, Amy. We take our pictures and now we are down to the last five minutes. Everyone is acting goofy. I guess they were trying to keep me from being nervous. I was fine. 5:30 is now here and it is time to get this party started! My Dad meets me at the front of the church. He too asks if I am nervous and I tell him no. I am more excited then anything. The wedding party is now all in place and the doors open for me to come in. Everyone stands up, but all I can see is that BIG DAMN BOW! Finally I fixate my eyes on Jeremy. Does he seriously have tears in his eyes? Dad and I make our way up the aisle. Everyone with the exception of my cousin Kristin and the Groomsmen are all crying. This includes Jeremy. I am whispering to everyone under my breathe "stop it" Pastor Dale asks who gives this woman? My Dad answers and now Jeremy and I are hand in hand. I again mumble under my breathe "Stop it" this was all while gritting my teeth. How is it that I was a wreck the night before and now I am fine? Jeremy was the one who was a mess. He wasn't balling or anything like that. I guess he realized how fast his life was quickly coming to an end...haha! 

We go throughout the ceremony and Jeremy finally has clear eyes. It is times for our vows. We each repeat after our Pastor, Dale. Dale looks out into the crowd and says he now pronounces us husband and wife. Holy Crap! I am now married! Yahoooooooo! Jeremy may kiss his bride! We make our way slowly back down the aisle. Our life as Mr. and Mrs. Welch has just begun. 

To Get Me To You

Many people have asked how me and my husband, Jeremy have met. It is a LONG story, but I have plenty of time. You see if someone would have told me 16 years ago that he and I would be married someday, I would have laughed in their face. We are total opposites, and for that matter I thought he was a total and complete jerk. I will not use the word he choose to describe me, but I am sure with a little bit of imagination, one can guess. Jeremy and I actually met at Ranson Middle School (Go Raiders) when he and I were in the 7th grade. He and his family moved here from Alabama, but he is orginally from Utah. His family also started visiting our church, Statesville Road Baptist of Charlotte, NC. He and I rarely spoke. He says I was too clickish, but I say he never took the time to get to know me. I knew him as a stubborn, hot headed, skinny, red headed kid who was very blunt in how he spoke to you. As far as I could tell, we were not going to be friends, much less anything else.
It wasn't until our High School years that we actually "talked" to one another. He and I actually had one class together our sophmore year. It was Geometry and we had CrAzY old Mrs. Clemmons. He and I actually sat in the same row. Too this day he claims he didn't deserve to be in her class and that his only purpose for being there was to help others cheat. He and Tre Murray (or so he claims). Yes, I will admit that he is smart (maybe even a little brighter then me), but then again, he always did have a BIG HEAD. Haha...
I recall one day (my senior year) when I had a POUNDING headache. I just so happened to run into Jeremy out in the halls. I guess he saw me from a distance and knew that something was wrong from the way I looked. He was actually leaving early that day. He was taking a few college courses and was also working at the time (Big hot shot that he is). He asked if I wanted him to drive me home. I think I was in shock, b/c like I said, he and I rarely spoke. Anyhow, I immediately said yes and he offered to drive from the student parking lot to the front of the school. If you know anything about Vance High School, then you know to get from the school, to the student parking lot, that you literally have to climb a MOUNTAIN of stairs. I thought it was sweet that he offered, but then was even more floored when he offered to drive around to the front for me. He had an old blue mustang at the time. He came around front and off we went. He drove me home and then drove off. Okay...so that wasn't so bad. That was my first thoughts. After that, he and I would talk from time to time, but nothing too in depth. For some reason, I always found myself sticking up for his younger brother, Jesse. OMG could he be annoying! Jesse...if you are reading this, then sorry, but let's face it. You were...still can be as a matter of fact! Bet you never thought I would be your sister in law huh?
My friends and boyfriend at the time were never pleased that I always took up for him either. It may not have been the most popular thing to do, but it was the right thing to do. Maybe that is why Jeremy offered to drive me home that day?
It wasn't until February of 2001 that Jeremy and I officially started hanging out and what would be the beginning of something much more then that. You see I had a boyfriend at the time. I was in love, but little did I know, my heart was about to be crushed into a million little pieces. I guess I should have seen it coming...all the little signs were there. But being young and in love, sometimes we choose not to see those things. My boyfriend and I broke up on Feb. 19th 2001. I was a hot mess to say the least. I cried for what seemed like an eternity. At that age you don't ever think your heart can or will ever mend. In my mindset this was the end of the world. I remember feeling completey and utterly alone. It didn't matter what anyone said. I was heart broken and there was no fixing that. Just when I thought I was doing better, something else would happen. A song on the radio, pictures, you name it, it was a NIGHTMARE! Or was it?
Two weeks had gone by and my parents house phone rings. I had been asleep on the couch. There was no going into my room...way to many pictures and other things that reminded me of my now ex. I pick it up and say"hello" the voice of the other end doesn't sound familiar, as I hear "Hey Dallas, it's Jeremy" My reply "Umm Jeremy who?" Poor guy! "Jeremy from church" Me "OOOOO, I am sorry" Jeremy speaks up and says "I heard you were down in the dumps, so I just wanted to call and get you out of the house. What do you say to lunch and a movie"? Me "Okay, but this is not a date" Man...maybe I was the word Jeremy used to describe me!
Jeremy shows up in his little white S-10 pickup truck. I look a mess, not that I was trying to impress anyone. After all, I had made it very clear that this was NOT a date. We ended up going to O'Charleys for lunch. I ordered a salad and maybe took 2 bites. That was the only good thing about a break up for me...no appetite. To this day I still don't remember what in the world we talked about. After lunch we headed to Concord Mills Mall to watch a movie. I can't even recall what movie we watched. I just remember going into the bathroom afterwards and seeing my reflection in the mirror. Did I seriously just go out in public like this? I walk out of the bathroom and smack Jeremy on his arm. He looks at me like "what was that for" I say to him "I cannot believe you didn't tell me I looked terrible" He says "I am sorry, but you look fine to me" He was seriously just trying to be nice at this point. I had the worse bags under my eyes and if you could have seen my hair...I looked like a fashion disaster, but worse. After our "Not a date outing" Jeremy drove me home. Maybe he is not such a jerk after all.
After that Jeremy and I would talk from to time while at church, but again, nothing too serious. After a few months, he had started dating someone. I was still hung up on my ex anyway. It wasn't until one day (at church) that I was sitting out in my car. I see Jeremy and his girlfriend come walking out. They are holding hands and I notice that Jeremy now has a new haircut. Man did this make him look totally and completely different (thanks Liz). Jeremy and his girlfriend slowly walk past. We don't talk, just wave. I look out my side window and see him open the passenger door. His girlfriend hops into the seat and he gives her a little peck on the lips. Great...now I am thinking of my ex again! They drive off. Did I seriously just notice that Jeremy got a hair cut? What is up with that? A few months goes by and we are all at church again. Some of us are talking and I hear Jeremy say that he, his girlfriend and some friends are going to the movies. For some reason he asks if I would like to come along. Me with no life now...agrees. So off me, him and his girlfriend go riding in his brand new Dodge Ram truck...ummm akward! After that Jeremy and I started hanging out. Needless to say his girlfriend is not to happy about this.
Now for whatever reason, my ex has now decided that he too, will start hanging out with Jeremy. We all of the sudden become the three musketeers. Can you say even more awkward??? We literally go and do everything together. Jeremy's girlfriend again...not so happy. She calls while Jeremy, My ex and I are out. I could tell she was not pleased by the answer Jeremy gave when he told her who he was out with. They eventually break up. Now moving on to an even more awkard moment...
Jeremy and I are at my parents house. We are both in my bedroom just carrying on casual conversation. Nothing too serious right? Wrong! For some odd reason we start talking about people in our youth group and who we think likes one another. Jeremy says, "well I kind of like someone" Me being the idiot that I am says "ohh really who?" He says "Really Dallas"? Me...well at this point I am totally clueless. I start naming off people and Jeremy continues to shake his head no. I finally say (in a joking voice) "then who, me?" Jeremy "Yes you" Ohh snap...did he really just say that out loud? That is one of those moments when you wish their was a rewind button. He was not going to like what I had to say next. I must have been 50 shades of red, but I somehow spoke these words "I am sorry, but I just don't feel the same" Jeremy is also now 50 shades of red. He proceeds to get up and leave and I grab his arm...how can I fix this now horribly awkward moment? I say to him "but that doesn't mean that those feelings can't change." He sits back down and we pretend this how conversation never happened.
A few weeks go by and we are at this parents house. We are sitting on the couch watching whatever we can find on tv. I guess you could say we were flirting. Jeremy kept poking me in my side. With every poke I got a little closer to his face. He finally just grabbed me and kisses me. Wow...not what I was expecting. Not that the kiss was bad. I guess I was just taken away by the moment. We sat there in slience for a little while. I was trying to think of something to say. Then finally, I open my mouth and say "Jeremy, if we start dating and you break my heart, I will seriously become a lesbian." I could not take another heart break. Of course I was only joking about the lesbian thing. It was an ice breaker at the time.
Needless to say the weeks go by and before I know it, Jeremy and I are now dating. I don't know exactly when this happened. I guess you could say Valentines of 2002 was our first official date. I was working as a waitress at Macado's of Concord Mills Mall. He had a dozen long stem red roses sent to work. I am totally shocked! Not at all the Valentines day I was expecting. He calls and tells me to get ready and that he is taking me out for dinner. It's off to Mickey and Mooch for us. Can we say YUMMY? From that moment own we were with each other pretty much every weekend. At the time, Jeremy traveled a lot with his job. So the time that we did get together meant the world to me. I was finally happy again and was starting to feel whole once more. God had an amazing plan all along. I just couldn't see it at the time.
I rememeber the first time we said those three little words "I Love You" we were standing out on my parents front porch. Jeremy leans in for a good night kiss and says "well I am just going to be the first to say it, I love you" Me and my dorky self, looks at him and says "I love you too, Jeremy Ray Welch" We laughed about this for sometime and then again Jeremy says "I love you Dallas Anne Dulin" Why I had to state his full name is beyond me. We still jokingly say this from time to time to one another. Brings back good memories. Jeremy and I had been dating for sometime when he decided it was time to pop the BIG QUESTION. I was at Holden Beach with my cousin, Kristin at the time and Jeremy was currently in Utah. We had made plans for him to drive down and join us later in the week once he finally arrived back home. I was so excited to see him. I remember when he pulled in the drive at the beach house. I ran down stairs and jumped into his arms. Back then I was skinny, so he was actually able to do this. LOL
I was happy to see him. The next day Kristin, Jeremy and I all rode to Myrtle Beach together. We spent the day going in and out little shops and had lunch at Dicks. If you have ever been to Dicks at Myrtle Beach, then you know what type of restaurant this is. Needless to say is was a lunch we will never forget. After spending most of the day at Myrtle, we decided to head back to Holden. I remember wanting to stop for cookies and cream ice cream and Jeremy had promised me that we could. On the way back, those afternoon Thunderstorms started to roll in. I remember thinking of the movie, Sweet Home Alabama. On our way back, Jeremy asks if I want to go and take a walk with him on the beach. I look at Kristin and ask if she would like to come too. Kristin just says no. Little did I know the plans that Jeremy had up his sleeve. We pull in the drive way to our beach house and all get out. I again ask Kristin if she would like to come with us. Again, I am such a DORK. By this point it is starting to drizzle, but this wasn't going to ruin Jeremy's plans. We make our way to the beach access. It has now started lightening. I look at Jeremy and ask if he just wants to do this later. He immediately says no and off we go on our walk. It wasn't too long before Jeremy asks if we can sit down. So I do, and he sits behind me with his arms wrapped around. We sit in silence for a minute or two and then Jeremy starts asking me all these questions. I can't recall what they all were, but you can guess what is coming next. Before I know it, there is a box in front of my face and he says "Will you marry me?" I am now crying by this point and excitedly open the box. He went to Jared...just FYI. Haha...I open the box and see the BEAUTIFUL ring that is about to be placed on my finger. He slips it on my ring finger. We are now engaged! I see another couple walking towards us. I just so happen to have my camera on me. I ask if they will take our picture. I cannot believe I am now engaged! I can't wait to start making plans for us to spend the rest of our lives together.

To Be Continued

I Touched a Snake!

Rocky, that is the name of the snake that I "briefly" touched today. First let me say that if you know me on a personal level, then you know I HATE snakes. Not only are snakes one of my biggest fears, besides flying, but I am deathly afraid of them. When I was younger, I stepped on a Copperhead while bare foot in my parents back yard, thus the fear for snakes began. I have always looked at them as evil creatures...nothing I would ever want to be near. I have always had nightmares about them and often check my bed (like a little kid) making sure nothing creepy and crawly is in bed with me. I can't even stand to see a snake on a television screen, much less be in the same room with one. You want to see someone scream like a little kid? Show me a snake. My husband knows better to say the least. He did get me pretty good one day though. It was while attending a beach trip. We all know the goofy little shops that you can purchase little nick nacks and things of that nature. Well, this store just so happened to have fake snakes. Needless to say, Jeremy got me pretty good. I come around the corner, and all I see are snake eyes! Thus the shreking began and the barrel of laughter from Jeremy. That is also the same day he proposed (but that is another story)....
Rocky is some sort of pyhton snake ( I think) his owner is a little boy by the name of Jax. Jax is the oldest of the kids that I am now nannying for. I must admit I have taken a liking to him. Jax is a spunky 9 year old and he is full of life. I love watching him with James and I can tell that James looks up to him. Jax tends to take him under his wing and treats him like he is a brother. I get a kick out of them from time to time. Jax tells James he is a mini version of him. Today Jax took Rocky out of his crate. Needless to say I didn't want to get to close. Jax just holds him like it's no big deal. Of course this always interests James and since boys will be boys James wants to be around Rocky too. "Let me touch him" that is what he says. In response Jax says "You can hold him if you want" Me "No, that's okay" Again Jax speaks up "no really it's okay, he can hold him" I can see the light in James eyes by this point, but again being a mother (and someone deathly afraid of snakes) I speak up and simply say "no" again. James takes his little hands and gently strokes Rocky's back. I am just praying he doesn't get into striking position...even if I am at the other end of the room. I can tell that both Jax and James are intrigued. They continue to pet him for awhile and all I can think about is Rocky's little tongue...I am sure the looks on my face are priceless. Jax assures me that there is nothing to be afraid of, but I can't seem to get this out of my mind. I am trying my best to get a little closer. My three year old is much more brave then I. By this point, Jax decides to let the snake slither across the office desk and computer key board, I am looking to see just how fast he moves. I am actually intrigued myself at this point. I decide to come a little closer...baby steps Dallas, baby steps. After slithering accross the desk, Jax decides to pick Rocky back up and he slowly curls up his little arm. I am about 5 feet away at this point. I myself am finding it hard to believe that I am actually in the same room, much less 5 feet away. I decide its time to be brave and face my fear head on. I tell Jax "I think I want to touch him" I can see the surprised look on Jax face. I tell him to have Rocky's head face the opposite way. If he is going to strike, I sure don't want to see this. I slowly ease my hand over, but then jolt back, as I see Rocky's little head and eyes turn my way. I will admit, I had goose bumps at this point and I shrek a little bit. Jax just laughs at me. I again reach my hand out and slowly but surely touch Rocky. I did it! I actually did it! I faced my fear and touched a snake! I immediatley go and wash my hands. It was not at all what I was expecting. I was expecting something slimmy and gross, but honestly it was nothing like that. I can't say that my fear for snakes is completely gone, but at least I was able to somewhat face my fear. Rocky's not too bad. I guess if a three and nine year old can enjoy a snakes company, I can at least try. Maybe next time I will try holding him...until then baby steps...that is what I will take.

Ohh The Things My Three Year Old Says...

 There have been many a times when I have literally laughed out loud at the things my son, James says. Boy is he a HOOT! I have a million and one examples that I could share, but that might take all night. My Mom is forever telling me "You better write that down" Now I wish I would have listened! I wish I could explain how much it blesses my heart to hear my son speak in his sweet, soft spoken voice. It melts my heart to hear him say "Mommy I love you" It's even better when I hear him say something silly. For the longest time, I told my husband his first word would most likey be "whatever" that seems to be number one in my husbands vocabulary. Praise God his first word was actually Mommy. Ohh how it melted my heart...out of all the words he said "Mommy" first! Although the "whatever" word has been said a many a times by my three year old. The first time he said this, I merely turned around, looked at my husband stern in the eye and said "you get to deal with this one" His reply "whatever". These are the moments when you have to bite your tongue and try not to laugh.
There have been many times when laughing is all I can do...for instance Jeremy, James and I are driving home from church. We are at the intersection of Gilead Rd. and the off ramp. James looks up and says "Mom, where are we at?" while explaining this to him his reply is merely "whatever you say dude" Seriously? Did my son really just say this? Another Laugh out Loud moment! My thought is where did he hear this? You have to be VERY careful what you say around a three year old...their ears are ALWAYS wide open.
To add to some more funny things that my son has said I must first explain that when he goes to the bathroom, he likes to look in the toliet after he is done...must be a guy thing...anyhow...after taking care of business...he yells from the bathroom..."Hey Mom, I just dropped a BIG JUICE...not one, but two BIG juices" Hummm....I wonder where he got this one from? Another thanks to my husband! DEUCE = JUICE in my three year olds eyes! There was also a time when James looks in the toliet, comes running out and says "Is that the Lion King?" Sure didn't look like the Lion King to me! Haha!
Enough bathroom stories for now though! I am sure I will have many more to tell! Just ask me about the "wings wings" story...that one always gets major laughs! I think from now on I will take my Mom's advice and write down all these precious moments...plus it will be a GREAT opportunity to embarass him when he is much older! Ohhh the things my three year old says!

Give it to the Lord and he will NEVER disappoint!

So it has been nearly 8 months since my last entry. That is a LONG time! I have to admit that A LOT of stuff has happened within the past 8 months. Let's see ...where to begin? Well, I no longer work for Symbeo Healthcare Communications. Due to the economy, we had to close our doors, so it is back to the drawing board in regards to finding another job. Thank God I was able to collect unemployment. It has been though, but God continues to see my family through this. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful, loving and understanding husband. I don't know how I would have made it without him and the Love of my Saviour. So many questions run through my head everyday, but like I have said before and will always say, My God is a good and gracious God and he will always take care of me. These past couple of months I have had to really trust in him. I can't say that it has been easy because Lord knows that would be a lie. I have had my share of moments when I have cried, gotten angry and doubted what the Lord has planned for my life. It wasn't until this week actually that I had to take a step back and say okay Lord, I give it all to you. I am no longer going to worry about what my next job will be and how I am going to help provide for my family. Well, wouldn't you know it, the good Lord seems to have really been movin this week! I was messaged by a fellow photographer and friend, Kia, on Facebook in regards to being a 2nd shooter for an upcoming wedding in June. I cannot explain how SUPER EXCITED I am about this. Everyone who knows me and knows me well, knows I have a great passion for photography and I am always snapping pictures here, there and everywhere. This week I was also contacted about a possible nanny positon, and then today I was actually contacted for an Administrative position and have an interview set up for this Thursday. Isn't it amazing when you finally give it all to God and the doors that he opens? The good news doesn't stop there either, I was messaged by several people and was asked how much I would charge to clean their house and I also had a lady contact me out of Statesville in regards to taking photos for her child's upcoming Birthday party! God is SO GOOD!
My little Monkey Butt also turned three on March 21st! I cannot believe how fast time flies! I keep telling him to slow down, but he tells me he can't. Sometimes I just want to take little moments and freeze time forever. He is the most wonderful and precious child a mother could ever ask for. I don't know what I would do without him. He has brought Jeremy and I so much joy! I never thought it possible to love so much! Sometimes I often wonder if I love my son this much, then how much more does my heavenly father love us? That is something I cannot even begin to fathom. Thank you Lord for never giving up on me no matter how many times I fail you! I look forward to the things to come and I will continue to give it ALL to you! You never disappoint me!