On An Adventure

Tonight on my drive home from work, I had one of the most humbling experiences. It all started today when I went to the Dollar Tree in Lincolnton on my lunch break. On my way back into work, I saw a man sitting on the side of the road tucked in next to the woods. You could tell that the man was homeless from the clothing he wore and make shift home laying in the back ground. At first I didn't think twice about this, but it was tonight that that still small voice spoke to me. We had a Krispy Kreme donut fundraiser at work on Thursday and there were 3 left over boxes sitting in the front office about to go bad. Knowing good and well that I don't want nor need these (as I am dieting), I gave one of the boxes to my co-worker and then left the other boxes sitting there. Tonight as I clocked out, I heard something telling me to go back in and get those boxes. That is when the Lord spoke to me clear as day. He told me to take those donuts to the man I had seen earlier in the day. So, I hopped in my car and off I went. I was wondering if the man would even be there? Sure enough as I made the turn into the gravel drive, there he was. I got out of my car, walked around to the other side and opened my car door. I took the two boxes and asked the gentleman how he was doing? With a big smile he said, "I am good" I then asked if he would like to take the donuts? He smiled at me and then said "honestly, I have more then enough food, but if you want me to take the box, then I will" He took the box, and then I asked what his name was? He told me his name was JC Wright. I then asked where he was from and he told me Charleston, SC. I told him how much I love it there and then we proceeded to talk about Folly Beach and Isle of Palms. He then looked at me and said "the spirit of the Lord lead you here" With tears in my eyes, I managed to utter the words "yes" He looked at me and then said, "you know how I can tell it was the Spirit that led you here?" I said "how?" He said "it's in your eyes". I then started crying and he told me not to worry about him, that he had been blessed and that he choose to be this way. He said he was on an Adventure. I stood outside in the cold with this man for nearly 30 minutes. He told me how he choose to live like this because of Hurricane Katrina. He said he watched the news day after day and then thought to himself what he would do, should something like that happen to him. He said he decided to pack up, and take only what he could carry on his back. He told me this was his second adventure and that he had been as far as Washington, DC. He said he wanted to travel and live in different environments so he would know how to survive in any type of situation. I asked if he needed anything along the way and he said water resistant shoes would be nice. I asked him what size he wore and he said a size 9 wide. He also asked me to take food to the people who lived under the bridge. He said he didn't know their names, but that it was a couple that lived there and he had offered them food earlier, but they wouldn't take it. We then started talking about money and how much Americans waste and how they will go into debt for anything. We talked about Christmas and he mentioned the fact that people will nearly max out their credit cards just because of one day. He then said..."If they only knew what Christmas was about." What was even more humbling, was the fact that within those 30 minutes of standing there and talking with this man, that three other people stopped. The first came with a hot cup of coffee. The second, a lady with some hot home made beef stew, and another gentleman came as I was telling JC good bye. He opened his wallet and wanted to give JC money, but he wouldn't accept. I wish I could explain the feeling that over came me, as I drove off. I knew the Lord was with me. I burst into tears and thought about all that I had to be thankful for. Just earlier that day, I was complaining and wishing that my job paid more. I then drove down a ways and remembered another man that I saw on the side of the road. I believe his actual name is Todd, as I have heard of this man before. I walked up to him while he was fiddling with his grocery cart. I asked if he too, would like the donuts, but he said he would have to decline because of his teeth. He told me thank you and I went on my way. While leaving, again the flood gates opened. I simply said "thank you Lord, thank you." We have so much to be grateful for and I pray that as we approach the holiday season that we remember this. I thank the Lord for all those people who stopped and I wondered if the Spirit of the Lord had spoke to them too? One way or another, I know that I was led to this man, JC Wright for a reason. And for that I am truly humbled and grateful. Thank you Lord for all you give and take away and thank you Lord for leading me to JC Wright. Tonight I pray that you will keep him safe and warm and may I never forget this man who touched my heart.

Of Sound, Mind and Body

Today I was once again reminded of all that I have to be thankful for. Today, I am most thankful for a clear mind and the ability to remember things. I work in a place where many are in the early and late stages of dementia. I sit here and think about just how blessed I am. I have the ability to recall things that just happened five minutes ago. I am not scared because I know where I am at and I know the people around me. And to my amazement, I can even remember what I had for dinner last night. To some that may not seem like much, but for me, it means everything. It means life is still some what "normal" for me. It means I still have my independence and don't have to rely on someone telling me where I am at every 15 minutes. I have seen many struggle with this terrible desease and trust me, I would not wish dementia on my worst enemy. I will admit dementia is something that truly scares me. My Grandmother suffered from Alzheimers for years, until she was finally laid to rest. At first, it was the little things she couldn't seem to remember. Like forgetting to take her meds, mispacing things etc. But then as the years went on and her memory got worse, she forget those who she loved. She couldn't remember names and faces. I watched as those who loved her dearly suffered from her loss of memory. It is my prayer that this disease never again affects those that I hold so dearly to my heart. While at work today, I heard the faint voice of one of our residents yelling for help. I stood up, opened my office door and made my way down the hall to our dining room. One of the residents was sitting in the kitchen area and had forgotten where she was at. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "Please, please, please help me!" You could see the frustration as her eyes met mine. I took her by the hand, as I asked her what was wrong? She again looked at me and said "I am lost and I don't know where I am at, can you please help me?" I asked if she wanted to go back to her room and this seemed to frustrate her even more. She said, "I am not sure if I have a room here" I assured her that she did and told her I would take her there. Her face lit up, as if all the worries in the world had disappeared. We made our way down the hall and just past the Entertainment room. As we passed by, we saw her room mate sitting there. They immediately recognized one another, and it was if she had found her place. She then remembered where she was at, and as I turned to walk away, she grabbed my arm and said "thank you". As I made my way back to the front office, I couldn't help, but to recall memories of my grandmother. That is when it hit me...what if I no longer had those memories? Life is so very precious, and I pray that as I get older the memories I have will never fade away. I pray for those who are suffering from dementia at this very moment, that today would be a good day. I pray for their families and friends and most of all, I pray for a cure! I, Dallas Welch, being of sound, mind and body have a lot to be thankful for.

My Friend, Margie

I have walked these halls for nearly eight months now. I see familiar faces and some new. I say hello, and it is followed by "How are you?" I pass by doors that are opened and closed never knowing what or who I might see. Each day is different. I try not to get attached, but it is hard not too. All anyone wants is to be loved and feel needed. I round the corner and I finally hear that familiar voice. I must admit it makes me smile.
There she sits, wheel chair and all. Her deep voice alone is enough to make even the toughest of men crack a smile. Her name is Margie, and I have taken a liking to her. Her favorite song is Old McDonald and we sing this from time to time. She likes to tell me stories and I too do the same. Her favorite drink is Coca Cola and she always tries to con me into buying one for her. I can hear her now..."I want 4 cents ($1.00 that is)."
Most of the time she makes her way up to the front office just to sit and look at the birds or go outside. She loves the birds. She would sit for hours if you let her, and just stare in awe. You can tell she is an animal lover. I love our conversations, I never know where they will take us. Most times, it is hard for me to make out what she is saying, but honestly Margie doesn't seem to mind. She will just keep right on talking. Her laughter is contagious. I am not sure how old Margie is, but even with her age, she is in a state of innocence. I am always up for one of her funny stories.
Miss. Margie also likes her cars. She could go on for days talking about them. She likes the classic cars and one of her favorites is the Chevy Bell Air. She says she will take this in red, as this is also her favorite color. From time to time I bring some of the residents in the office with me and I will paint their finger nails. They love this, and I enjoy doing this for them. After all, everyone deserves a little pampering from time to time. Margie always enjoys this, and I never know what color she will tell me to paint them next. This week she would like yellow and midnight blue. So this weekend, that is what I intend to do.
I came into this job wondering how much I was going to like it, as my grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's. The truth of the matter is, I love my job. No, it might not be the highest paying job in the world, but it makes all the difference when you can wake up in the morning and feel good about going into work. I love the residents here. There is never a dull moment.
This past week Margie has not been feeling her best, so this evening I wheeled her into the front office with me. I asked if she was feeling any better and in her deep voice she managed to mutter "a little bit". I then busted out with "Old McDonald had a farm" and once again I got to see that sweet smile. She followed by saying "on that farm there was a horse" I start making the noise a horse would make and Margie immediately burst out laughing. Praise God no one else was around to hear! Margie tells me I am silly. I am sure others would have thought the same or perhaps that I am off my rocker. Either way, I am happy to have made a new friend.

In My Rear View Mirror

In my rear view mirror, there sits my future. In my rear view mirror, there he is, just a smiling. In my rear view mirror, there sits my world. He is my life, my everything. In my rear view mirror, there sits my son, James. I wish I could shout from the roof tops how much I love this sweet child of mine. I catch a glimpse of him and it makes me smile. I love my rear view mirror and all it has to offer. I see smiles, I see tears and I see one sleepy boy that can no longer keep his eyes open. That precious face of his simply melts away the worries of the world and I am at peace with myself. So Lord, I simply want to thank you for this view today and for always. But most of all, I thank you for my rear view mirror.

Where Were You?

I don't know about you, but I can recall the day and events of 9/11/01 just like it happened yesterday. Though 12 years have come and gone since then, I can still envision myself at that very moment those horrific events took place. I was living at home with my parents then and laying in bed when the phone rang. Just like any young adult, I slowly made my way into the kitchen and answered the telephone. It was my Mom on the other end. Her exact words to me "What day did you have circled on your calendar?" Me "the 19th, why?" Mom..."Well IT happened today!" Not knowing exactly what she meant by those words, I could sense the panic in her voice. She then said "Go turn the TV on now!" I run into the living room, phone in hand and immediately do what my Mom said. Still not knowing what is going on, I come to the first channel. They are reporting live from New York state in Manhattan. The camera is zoomed in on a large and tall standing building. I see nothing but smoke and flames. It wasn't until then that I noticed the caption at the bottom of the screen. It simply reads "World Trade Center" This was shortly before 9:00am. My Mom tells me that people believe an airplane has flown into the building. There are reports coming in that an air plane was high jacked, and it is believed that this plane flew into the building, but local authorities have not yet confirmed. I stand in the living room still holding the phone and trying to gather what all my Mom is saying to me. Then at 9:03am, I watch as some sort of air craft flies into the 2nd building. It is hard to believe, but we can now assume this is definitely not an accident, but an act of terror. No words are spoken. Fear has now consumed us. My Mom tells me to go and get my younger sister, Michelle, out of school and bring her home for the day. I get dressed and do exactly what she says. I arrive at Vance High School and go inside. There is literally a line out the door of parents waiting to check their kids out.
From there, my sister and I go home not knowing what could happen next. It didn't seem to matter what state you lived in. No one felt safe. For me, it was un-imaginable that someone could perform these indespicable acts, much less hate someone so much that they felt this was necessary. As my sister and I sit and watch, more and more reports start to come in. By now, both the World Trade towers have now collapsed and New York is in a state of panic. Washington has ordered that all planes be grounded until further notice. An air craft has now crashed into the Pentagon, car bombs have gone off and what was considered to be the 4th plane (Flight 93) speculated to crash into the US Capital, has now crashed into the ground in Shanksville, PA. I wish I could explain all the emotions that were felt that very day. My heart was breaking for all of those who lives had now been taken. The terrorists had gotten what they wanted. Americans lives had now been altered. They had forever changed us. Life in America would never be the same.
I remember the events to follow within the upcoming days. Never before had I ever really paid attention to the President when he came on TV. Now, it was as if I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I wanted to hear what he had to say. America wanted to know what action(s) would take place because of these events that had now happened. America simply wanted answers. I can still see all the flags at half mast. Everywhere you went, there was something to remind you. There was no escaping what had happened. It was because of these acts, however that I have never seen more acts of kindness. I saw people lining up to give blood. I remember everyone thanking there local police and fire departments for all that they do. People seemed to be a little more friendly. Even though someone had taken so much from us, we were still willing to give. It is my prayer that as the years go by, we will remember. I think it is important for our children to know what happened on that day. Some may be to young to understand, but once they are older, I think they should know. May that day never be forgotten.
I said earlier that when my Mom called, her first words to me were "what day did you have circled on your calendar?" Earlier that year, a vision had come to me. I don't know how to explain it or much less put it into words. I just know that I have NEVER had such a feeling come over me like that before. You can ask any of my close friends and family and they will all tell you the same. I was obsessed with the date and number 919. I had the date 9/19/01 circled on my calendar in bright red. I could sense that something horrible was going to happen. I just had no clue as to what. I don't know why this date or number stood out to me, but it did, and I knew it was no good. Perhaps, those things that I saw coming just came a little sooner. They happened on, Tuesday 9/11/01. That day will forever be apart of me.
Today I want to take the time to remember all those who lost their lives on that day. I want to remember all the families that were affected by these events. I also want to take the time to thank those willing to sacrifice their lives so that others could be saved. I pray that Flight 93 will for always be remembered for their acts of courage. May that day never be forgotten.
Like the lyrics of Alan Jackson's song...Where were you when the world stop turning on that September day?

My Gramps and Grand mommy...

My Gramps and Grand mommy...
 They have been gone now for quite sometime. I was only nine years of age when my Grandfather left this world and nineteen when my Grandmother passed. Gramps and Grand mommy, that is what I called them. I often think of them from time to time and wonder what life must really be like in Heaven. I can only imagine...
My Gramps was one of the most gentle and loving people I knew. He would do anything for anyone in need. Even though I was only nine when he passed, I cling tight to the memories I have of him. I can still see him standing in the kitchen at Thanksgiving...he would always carve the turkey. I think most of the time he did more eating then carving and I can still hear my Grand mommy saying "stop that or there won't be anything left to eat." Boy could my Gramps put down some food. One of his favorite "snacks" was a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Ohh and apples...he was always eating an apple. When he wasn't napping or eating, he was gardening. He always had the most beautiful garden and I can still picture it in my mind today. Gramps would always walk around the house in a white v-neck t-shirt and pants. He always wore the same gold necklace. It was a skull necklace, and though most people would find this rather creepy, for whatever reason, my Gramps loved it.
Whenever I think about my Gramps and Grand mommy, I think about their house and the HUGE basement they had. For whatever reason, I was always so scared to even go near the stairs, much less open the basement door. I suppose it is because I was a little kid, but to me, the basement looked more like a dungeon. My Gramps would always take me by my hand and lead me down the stairs. With him, I was safe.
I still remember the day we got the news that he passed. My family, with the exception of my Dad were all at church. I was outside with my bestie at the time, when my Dad pulled into the parking lot. From the moment he opened the door of his truck and our eyes met, I knew that something was up. I may have been only nine at the time, but the look in his eyes said it all. I kept asking what was wrong, as I followed him across the parking lot, down the stairs into the church fellowship hall. He walked up to my Mom with tears in his eyes, and instantly my Mom knew what was wrong. She managed to mutter the words "he is gone." I immediately burst into tears as my Mom sank into my Dad's arms. That moment is forever embedded in my mind. The rest of the evening was mostly a blur. I remember crying so hard that it literally felt as if my lungs could burst. That evening one of my parents friends came to pick me and my older sister, Nichole up. We were to stay at their house for the night. We were all packed like sardines in her mini van. Crying literally all day had given me a migraine headache. The scent of butterscotch filled the air, and I immediately got sick. Too this day, I can still sense that smell and it literally makes me sick to my stomach.
The next few days were kind of fuzzy, as many people came to gather at our house and bring us food and flowers and offer their condolences. I wish I could say what the next few weeks were like, but honestly I don't remember. I would imagine they were filled with much sadness.
When my Grand mommy passed, I must admit it felt more like a relief for our family. Not because she was now gone, but because my Grandmother had what I call one of the worse diseases ever...Alzheimer's. If you don't know what Alzheimer's is allow me to educate you for a minute. Alzheimer's is basically progressive mental deterioration. The things you once could remember, are now gone...your past vanished into thin air. You become incapable of taking care of yourself. You forget family members names and perhaps even your own. I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy. My Grandmother battled this for years. My Grand mommy was a smart woman. She was a nurse anesthetist. She had dedicated her life to helping make people feel better, but for her, there was no cure. She always dressed in the finest of clothes. My Grandmother also liked her liquor. I always remember her sipping on scotch. She always had a glass of this at night right before bed. Two days before she passed my Grandmother actually remembered everyone. I think this was God's way of preparing us for what was about to come. She passed on her birthday, December 5th, 2001. She was 74 years old.
Even tough many years have come to pass, I still think of my Gramps and Grand mommy often. I think about all the things they have missed out on. Sometimes I wonder what they would think about my son, James. I can picture them all smiling right now. But then, I remember, by the Grace of God, that I will see them again one day. Until then, you are loved and missed and I can still hear your words ringing ever near...Good Night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Ta Do Ta Do...for the red, white and blue!
Love,
-Dallas-

If My Life Were A Reality TV Show...

My husband and I were watching the show "Little Couple" the other evening. For those of you who don't know, this show is about the lives of two individuals who are dwarfs (little people) and their journey throughout life. The show basically in tells what challenges little people must face on a daily basis and then goes on to show how they overcome those obstacles. I guess this got my husband thinking because he looks at me and says "what do you have to do to get your own reality TV show?" Well, me being me...this of course got my mind spinning. I wondered would people even be interested if my family and I did have our own reality show? How many people would actually tune in and watch our lives unfold on national TV? What would our show even be called? A day in the life of a Welch? Crazy people who think they are normal? I mean, the possibilities are endless. I thought about my typical day and the things my family and I do. Would a camera guy really want to follow us around all day? I mean, how much does my family really have to offer? My four year old would probably get great reviews, but me? Hummm...
And what about Jeremy? What does he do all day when no one is around? I sure hope he doesn't fart and scratch himself like that at work. Ohh goodness...what does he do when I am not around???
I could just picture us now. The camera guy zooms in on me dancing and singing along in my car, all while busting a move. Now that's what you call ENTERTAINMENT! I wonder how many times I would be caught rolling my eyes at someone because they either said or did something I find rather stupid. How much cleaning would I have to do in order to actually keep my house clean and keep the world from knowing what it really looks like on a daily basis? Lord knows my son can terrorize a room in 30 seconds. It actually amazes me at how fast things can go from spotless to dangerous. This kid deserves a medal! It truly does amaze me. I thought about my days spent at work, and then off. Boy that would be something having a camera watching me get ready every morning. Alarm clock goes off at 7:15am, me looking a hot mess! I shower, get dressed, and then put my makeup on. Even after all that, it's not much better. Would I really want the whole world to see me in my old, stained t-shirts and underwear? I could just hear everyone now..."tell that lady to put some clothes on!" The whole world would probably think we never do laundry around here. James wants to wear the same Angry Birds t-shirt every day and night. I promise the laundry does get done people!
I do think it would be interesting to have the crew do playbacks for us from time to time. That way when Jeremy says 'I didn't say that" I could then say "Ohh yes, you did, and this time I have proof." That would never get old. Maybe I am actually starting to like this thought. I could just see our arguments unfolding before everyone. Man that would be something. Of course we would have to throw something in there to keep the ratings up and the audience watching. Tune in next week to find out if Dallas will ever forgive Jeremy. Haha! That's when those playbacks would really come in handy.
I would actually like to see what Jeremy does all day when I am not around. Does he really "work" like he says he does? Did he do what I asked the first time, or does he wait last minute? Does he talk about James and I with his co-workers? Does he wear his seatbelt when I am not there to remind him for the one hundredth time? Inspiring minds want to know. Would the nation start dressing and acting like me? Would I become the focus on the next fashion trend? Would people start saying and using my own catch phrases? Like I said the possibilities are endless. I mean, if Honey Boo Boo and her family can have their own show, and people actually find this entertaining...then my family and I would ruin her ratings! It does make me wonder...Look out world...the Welch's are coming to national TV. Viewer discretion is advised! If My Life Were A Reality TV Show...

Counting Sheep

Last night, I lay in bed trying my best to relax and fall asleep. But if you are anything like me, then it takes you awhile to turn your mind completely off. Mine just wants to keep on spinning. I tried counting sheep (I seriously believe this to be a myth) and of course, it did not work. I lay there and can hear the sound of my husband slowly breathing in and out. I can hear the blades of our ceiling fan going round and round, as goose bumps slowly appear on my arms. I stare anxiously at the clock, eyes wide open. I feel like I am on some kind of movie set. You know, the one scene where everything gets real quiet and you sit and wait for something to happen. Yeah, that was me. I lay and watch my alarm clock slowly change, minute by minute. I mostly thought about my day and some of the conversations I had with my co-workers. Technically I was alone for most of the day. I turned the radio up and was dancing and singing along. I must admit, I've got mad skills. Haha! Had someone come around the corner and saw me, I would have been completely embarrassed. I was reminded of the time I worked for FIG. It was Halloween and my coworker, Heather and I were blaring Michael Jackson's "Thriller". My boss made her way around the corner just in time to see me busting a move. We all just laughed, but I quickly got back to work there after. Man those were the days. Must have been "Club Thirty" Ladies...if you are reading this, then you know what I am talking about. Great times for sure!
As I lay there, I also think about James and how much he has grown. My little buddy is now four years old. Time sure goes faster then you think. I thought about things he had said earlier that night. Things like "Mom, girls are BORING". Ohh son if you only knew. I know all to well that will quickly change. You see James has a pre-arranged marriage to Katelynn Echerd, so he had better change his mind real fast. Ha...for the most part I am just picking, however that would be pretty awesome if they grew up to be little love birds.
As I lay there and think about James, one by one, the kids that I used to nanny for make their way into my mind. I wonder what they are doing and how they have been? This time last year, we would have been busy running back and fourth to the neighborhood pool. Yes...I got paid to lay out by the pool, can you believe it? I thought about each of them and wondered what their plans were for the upcoming school year? I know this will be starting soon and if I know Jax, he is already dreading this. Jax is a very bright young man, and when it comes to anything dealing with Science, his eyes lite up. He loves anything dealing with geology and breaking things apart. Legos are also some of his favorites. I thought about Sierra (the oldest of the Campbells). I miss our little afternoon chats about boys and the latest fashion trends. I miss her singing to the top of her lungs, head phones on, as if no else in the world exists. I miss finding stashes of chocolate candy in her dresser drawers. I simply miss Sierra! I thought about Ivy and Wyatt too. I miss playing Barbie's and reading Dora the Explorer books over and over again. I miss trying to braid and comb Ivy's hair. She is not a fan of bows, but she is definitely all girl. I have never met someone who changed clothes as many times as she does. She is wide open and I know James sure does miss her. I think about Mr. Wyatt and how I would help out with his homework everyday. Wyatt is also very bright for his age. He could probably beat you at a spelling bee any day. While he is not a big fan of reading, give him a Thomas the Train book and he is occupied for days. I miss watching him count his money over and over again. I even miss taking him to soccer practice. I know he always dreaded going, but once we got there, he was in his element and happy. Truth be told, I miss the family all together. I hope I somehow impacted their lives, as much as they impacted mine.
I lay in bed and also think about how quickly this year seems to be going by. I cannot believe August is already here. In another four months, Christmas will be here. These long summer days will be gone before we know it. The leaves will change and then slowly make their decent to the Earth's ground. The weather will get colder and pretty soon we will ring in another year (God willing that is). As I think about this, I begin to say my prayers. I thank the Lord for all he has done. I ask him to forgive me for falling short of his glory. I pray for my family and the recent loss of a loved one. I pray for the Campbell family and last, but not least, I pray for snow come Christmas. Soon after my prayers, I slowly begin to count sheep again. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...goodnight world.

A Letter to Myself

If you could go back in time, write a letter to yourself and then mail it, ten, twenty, thirty or even forty years later, would you? What advice would you give yourself? I was sitting at my desk, when Brad Paisley's song "If I could write a letter to me" came to mind. I schemed the verses in my head for a minute and then finally decided to do just that. So here goes...a letter to myself.

Dear Dallas,
It is hard to believe that nearly 31 years have come to pass. It makes me wonder where time goes? By now you are married to Jeremy Welch and have been for seven years. You will celebrate your eight year anniversary on February 4th 2014. You also have a spunky, cute, intelligent 4 year old. His name is James and he is the light of your life. You would do anything for him. His first word was Mommy and from that moment on, he hasn't stopped talking, nor melting your heart. Early I said you married Jeremy Welch. Shocked yet? Yes, I know you were not expecting this. You never imagined the two of you would become such great friends, start dating and then get married. But the truth of the matter is, you did. Jeremy is a great guy, and you know he would do anything for you and your family. You truly do love him. Though he is quite stubborn at times, the two of you are a good fit. Divorce is something that has always scared you. Rest assured, as long as you continue to put God first, your marriage and your relationship with one another will remain strong.
I know the past few years have been a real struggle for you. I have seen you struggle with who you are and what you feel God is leading you to do. Being in and out of a job since 2009 had had it's ups and downs. No worries-the Lord continues to provide and pour out his love and blessings upon you. Never lose the faith! Continue to stay strong and remember bigger and better things are yet to come. You are smart Dallas, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. God will open many doors for you, including photography work that you LOVE doing.
In High School, you will take a photography class where you develop your own photos in a dark room. Then in college you will take another photography course at CPCC's North campus. While you may not enjoy your college course as much, please be patient. Again many opportunities to come your way.
By now you have also endured many heartaches. Some from breakups, and some from the loss of family members. Please know that even at times when you think no one else knows what you're going through, that they do. Your life is not over, and your heart will eventually mend. You will see and hear things that you will not understand. You will be mad, you will cry, and you will be furious at times. Your heart may even feel like your it can't take anymore. But know, that you are not alone. One day that phone will ring, though it may not be who you were expecting, just say yes. Trust me, you will thank me for this later.
By now, your Great Grandmother, Gramps, Grand mommy, Uncle John and Pawpaw have all made their way to the pearly gates. Rest assured you will see them again someday. At nine years of age, you came to the Lord and prayed the sinners pray. This is the most important decision you will ever make throughout your lifetime. Your name is now written in the Lambs book of life. By now, you have also said goodbye to Oscar and Gunnar. They were two of the best dogs anyone could have ever asked for. While all these heartaches will bring much sorrow, they will also bring much joy some day. You will be a stronger person because of this.
Some of your favorite holidays are Valentines, the 4th of July and Christmas. Especially Christmas. You are a fan of colder weather and you absolutely love the snow. Winter is your favorite time of year. While you love the beach, you would take snow any day. Every year you pray that it will snow at Christmas. Your prayer will not go unanswered. You also love snowmen. In fact you have so many that Jeremy asks you to please not buy anymore. You simply do not have the room. Every year come December, you take a family trip to the mountains to get your Christmas tree. It usually falls on the 1st weekend of the month. You look forward to this trip every year and again you pray for snow. To you, there is nothing better then picking out your Christmas tree in the snow. If I know you, come July you are already planning and praying away.
Speaking of July, about this time you normally want to plan a trip to the beach. Jeremy is more of a mountains person however. You have been wanting to get away for sometime now. You were thinking Oak Island, as your grandparents used to have a beach house here. It was located on Long Beach and brings back many memories for you. You miss this like crazy. You can still feel the cool summer breeze on your skin. It takes you back and you are at peace with yourself. Ohh just to get your toes in the sand. You don't like the water as much as you used too, but you still enjoy this. You would also like to take another trip to Mexico. You went there with your cousin, Kristin and had the time of your life. The water was crystal clear and you could see for miles. Even though you were scared out of your mind to fly, you made it and it was a trip you will never forget. This was the week Jeremy decided he wanted to propose to you.
By the way, now you have also flown to Florida and Utah.
You flew to Florida on your honeymoon. You and Jeremy took a cruise to the Bahamas and you loved it! The weather was perfect the entire trip. Here you also go parasailing for the first time. While up in the air you spot sand sharks and dolphins. The view is simply breathe taking. You and Jeremy also hope to take another someday. There are tons of places you would like to visit before you die. You tend to let your fear of flying get in the way though. That and your stomach issues. Don't be afraid though, the Lord will see you through. Don't let pesky things stand in your way!
Right now you are also considering going back to school to either become an ultrasound tech or an LPN. If this is something you truly want to do, then I say go for it! Don't let anything stand in your way. I know you are worried about Math, as this was not your best subject in school. However, Jeremy is great with numbers and you know he would be there to support you. You might even surprise yourself.
Enjoy the things that you have now and be grateful for them. Always remember there is someone out there with bigger needs then you, and you what you complain about today, someone is wishing that they had. Never take your son for granted. Tell him how much you love him every day. Make extra to snuggle. Spoil him rotten! Remember that he is obsessed with Angry Birds, so make sure you stock up. Ohh and he loves McDonalds, Chickfila, Subway, and Little Casers. These are just some of his favorites. He is also obsessed with carrots and watermelon. He will take a carrot over a cookie any day. Weird, I know, but it is the truth. You love that little boy like crazy. You have given him many nicknames along the way, but your favorite and most used is Butterbean. Whenever you are feeling down, you just think about him and a smile comes to your face. You love watching he and Jeremy together. You could stare at them for hours on end. You are truly happy!
I pray that the next 30 years is just as great. Remember to be strong, stand up for yourself and the things that matter to you most. Never give up, there is always hope. God does have a plan for you! Until next time, you are loved!

Love,
-Me-

What's in a fingerprint? Just like people, each fingerprint is unique in it's own way. No two are the same. They are an impression of who you are. Even identical twins, though able to have the same DNA, have different fingerprints. I say this to say that just like fingerprints, everyone, unique in their own way, has a story to tell.
This evening while I work, one of my coworkers (and a favorite I might add) came up to the front office and we started to chat. Like usual, my son, James was brought up and I began telling stories of things he has done and happenings through out the week. We then began swapping stories of when we were pregnant and all the wonderful and blissful moments of becoming a new Mom. I went on to tell this person just how much I love my son and I could not, nor would want to imagine my life with out him. He is pure joy in my eyes and I have often said that should anything happen to him, you would have to bury me right along with him. He is my world. I knew from previous conversations that my coworker had lost two of her children shortly after giving birth. I looked at her and I simply said "I don't know how you did it." We then got deep into conversation and she then went on to tell me their names and how old they were at the time of their deaths. This really tugged on my heart strings and as she went on to tell me more of her story, I began to cry. We both had a moment. I was glad that my coworker had opened up to me and shared just some of her story. It made me appreciate my son even more. I wish I could explain all the love I have for him in my heart, but to put into words would simply be an understatement. I honestly never know my heart could love so much.
This evening, on my way home from work, I decided to stop by Little Caesars ( I swear we keep them in business). I decided to stop here because I know it is one of James favorites. I would do anything to see him smile. Pizza Pizza Caesars, that is what he calls it. And sure enough when he and his Dad walked through the door and he saw pizza in my hand, I once again got to see his little face lite up and hear him say in his excited voice "Mom, did you get Pizza Pizza Caesars?" As I sat and ate dinner with my family, I couldn't help but to stare at my son and think about the stories my coworker and I had just shared. Pure sunshine, that is what my son is to me. What would I ever do, if someone took my sunshine away? The truth of the matter is, I don't know what I would do. I would only hope that my faith in God would carry me through.
I know there are many Moms who have had to endure the lost of a child, and for that my heart breaks. I cannot sit here and say that I know what that kind of pain feels like because I don't. I would imagine it is the worse kind of pain and heart ache someone could ever feel. It is my prayer that my son lives a long and prosperous life. I don't believe anyone should have to bury their child before they go. But I also know that God never gives us more then we can handle. I have always believed that everyone has a story to tell. And I also believe that no one comes into your life just by chance. There is a rhyme and reason for everything and God puts different people in our lives for different reasons. I don't know why my coworker had to endure the pain of losing two children, but I do know that she is a stronger person because of it, and her sharing her story with me made me love and appreciate my son even more. Just like a fingerprint, my coworkers story had left an impression on me. I pray that I remember her story and that everyday I will cherish the moments that I have with my son. Who will you make an impression on tomorrow? Looking forward to many more of God's fingerprints.

My Sister, Michelle

My younger sister, Michelle was born on December 31st, 1985. She and I are three years apart. I can't say that I remember the very day that she was born and then brought home, because that would be a lie. I can however recall days from when we were just little kids. Even though my sisters and I were very fortunate to have our own rooms growing up, Michelle and I would often sleep in the same bed with one another. We were close sisters. I remember most nights were spent scratching one another's backs. We would do "Kriss Cross Applesauce". We would also spend many nights laying in bed just talking and laughing. There was never a dull moment. One night always comes to mind. You see when Michelle was much younger she loved to bite people. One night she must have gotten mad about something I either said or did, because before I knew it, I was crying my eye balls out and thus the blood curdling scream began. My Mom quickly entered the room, took my hand and immediately knew what had happened from the teeth marks that were now embedded on my arm. She looks at me and then at Michelle. She grabs Michelle's arm and quickly sinks her teeth into her skin. Michelle immediately burst into tears. I remembering hearing My Mom say "it doesn't feel good, does it?" I then start crying all over again, not because Michelle had bit me, but because my Mom had now bitten Michelle. Needless to say, Michelle had learned her lesson that night and from that day forward she never bit anyone else ever again.
I also remember Christmas Eve and how every hour on the hour, Michelle would wake me up and say "not too much longer". I wanted to take that little digital watch of hers and put it where the sun doesn't shine. 7:00am that was the agreed upon time for everyone to get up. No earlier, or we would have to go back to bed. Trust me every year like clock work, Michelle was the first up. Any other day and the girl would have slept in until 12:00 or later.
That's another thing about Michelle. She sure does LOVE her beauty sleep. She could sleep for days at any given time. Ohh and once she is out, there is no waking her. The girl is like a zombie. I swear she would have literally slept through hurricane Huge of 1989, had it not been for Mom waking her and telling her to get in the hall way. When I say knocked out, I literally mean knocked out. Some people are like that I suppose. Me, well the slightest noise keeps me awake. Give Michelle a box fan and watch her turn a 30 minute nap into a three hour nap. She is out like a light. I wish I could sleep like that!
Growing up, Michelle always had many friends, but her very best friend, Heather lived just across the street. She and Heather were always together. Heather was either at our house or vice verse. We always liked to play games together. We even invented our own game called "Sharks". This was a game played in the hall way with lights out. One person would be the shark. The shark was always blind folded and would crawl around on the ground and try and find the other people playing the game. Once you were tagged, you would then in turn become the shark. Silly, I know, but as kids this kept us pretty entertained. One day while playing, it was my turn to be the shark. I crawled around on the floor for what seemed like forever. I could not find my sister anywhere. I thought for sure she had cheated. Finally I hear giggling and realize she is still in the hall way. I take off my blind fold, look up and my sister is literally standing above me. She had climbed the walls like a monkey with both feet. She thought this was just hysterical. This was one game, I was never going to win.
Michelle and I also played softball when we were younger. I always played slow pitch, but in Middle school, Michelle was introduced to fast pitch. She became the pitcher and let me say, she is quite good. If you have ever been bowling with her, then you know what I am talking about. Men will literally stop what they are doing and stare in amazement. The bowling ball literally makes it half way down the aisle before it drops. I have seen many a man's jaw drop. I always get the biggest kick out of this. To Michelle, this just comes natural.
Michelle is great at many things. Sports, writing, singing-you name it, and she is good at it. She has many God given talents. One is her desire for children. It doesn't matter the age, she is great with all. For whatever reason, kids always seem to cling to her. It's like she is some sort of kid magnet or something. I have never understood it. I cannot wait until the day she has children of her own. I know she will make an excellent Mother and role model. They say children have a sense about them when it comes to these things, and I believe it to be very true. I guess that is why so many children find themselves attached to her. Ask any parent and they will all tell you the same. There have been many occasions when Michelle has been called in to help calm down a child because the parent couldn't get them to. There is just something about her. That's just what they say.
My sister, Michelle has a HUGE heart. I have never met someone so giving. She is the true meaning of beauty both inside and out. Michelle is the whole package. She has always had a place in her heart for missions. She has always said that she feels God is calling her to be a missionary. She has been on many trips across the country doing just that. She has been to Jamaica, Africa, Rome, and Haiti. Currently she is in Capetown, Africa. She left late March and will be there for six months. She is doing what God has called her to do, and for that I am very proud of her. Today she actually left for Johannesburg on an 18 hour bus ride and from there will start missions in Ethopia and Kenya. She will be doing door to door missions, working in the prison ministry and slums. I pray that while she is gone, she is blessed beyond measure. I also pray for the people she encounters, that they too may be blessed and come to know God and his love through this awesome ministry. It is my prayer that many, many lives and hearts will be touched. I pray for safe keeping. I praise the Lord for Michelle and I praise him even more for allowing me to be called her sister.
I could go on for days telling stories about our childhood and how we used to snoop on our older sister, Nichole. I won't get into that though. Instead I ask that everyone please be in prayer for my sister as she embarks on this wonderful and awesome journey. I ask that you pray for safety in all travels and that the Lord will pour out his blessings upon her and the team she is traveling with. I hope Michelle knows how very much she is loved and missed. I hope she also knows that no matter how far apart we may be, we will always be sisters, and no one could ever take her place. I am so very, very proud of you and it brings me much joy to have you as my little sister.
I love you Boogie! Don't ever change. Keep smiling that smile. May God bless you always. He has brought you hope and a future like no other and I cannot wait to see it unfold before your very eyes. You are loved and missed!
-Dally-

6:00 PM

6:00 PM that is the hour I find myself looking forward to. Especially on the days that I am working. Please don't get me wrong, I can honestly say that I love my job. I just think like most people, that if given the option, being at home would win. I enjoy spending time with my family. In the presence of my son is where I want to be. There is not a day that goes by that he doesn't put a smile on my face.
Today seems to be one of those days that is just dragging along while here at work. I got most of everything done in the early morning hours. Its the afternoon that always seems to drag for whatever reason. At least that is how it seems to me. There are times that I find myself looking at the clock in shock. REALLY?!? It's only 3:30? AHHHH! Then there are other days that seem to fly by. Why is that?
Either way, I am happy when 6:00 rolls around. Yep 6:00, time to punch out. Time to head home and cling tight to the ones I love. I love pulling in the drive and knowing that my hubby, son and dog will be there to greet me. I love knowing that as soon as I open the door, my Butterbean will be there, and I will get to hear him yell out "Mommy" once more in his excited little voice. That could never get old.
James went camping this weekend with my in laws. And even though he was only gone for three days, I have missed him like crazy. I always feel like something is missing when he is away. Like a HUGE chunk of my life is just up and gone. That is basically the only way I know how to explain it. While I do enjoy getting to have some alone time with my husband, it also makes me sad at the same time. I miss our little bed time talks and all the stories he has to tell. Last night I find myself laying in bed with James dream light on and his Perry the Platypus stuffed toy cuddled up next to me. My husband just shakes his head. I don't think this surprised him in the least. That alone was enough to bring a smile to my face. I lay there and thank the Lord again for giving me such a blessing. I swear I wouldn't trade being a Mother for anything in the world! The stretch marks could go, but other then that, no complaints. Ohh how I love this little man of mine!
So as I sit here and gaze upon the clock, I am slowly counting down the minutes until 6:00. Tick Tock, Tick Tock...Kenny Chesney's song, Shift Work and Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 has somehow made it's way into my head. It's like it is on instant repeat. Working 9 to 5 what a way to make a living? Talkin bout a bunch of shift work...I can hear the Congo drums clanging away.  One thing is for sure, I will be making my own music once 6:00 finally runs around. I cannot wait! Can I get an AMEN?
Looking forward to giving my little man a long, tight squeeze and of course extra hugs and kisses. I cannot wait to hear all about his first camping adventure with Grandma and Grandpa. Ohh how my Monkey is growing up.
All I can say is come on 6:00!

You Lift Me Up

You lift me up when I am weak, your arms wrap around me, your love carries me, so I'm letting go. You lift me up, when I can't see, your heart's all that I need. These words are from the song, Lift Me Up by The Afters. These are the words that came to me today while watching one of the residents at work.
His wife faithfully comes to visit everyday and most days she is accompanied with a milkshake in hand. Not just any milkshake though, Cookout milkshakes. Only the best for her husband. Today I sat and watched them from my desk. The day was coming to an end for me and I was already finished with what had to be done. Today the residents wife had brought a special treat for him along with an ice cold Mt. Dew (like I said, only the best for her hubby). I watched them make their way out onto the front patio. The resident soon began to chow down and chew on what looked like chocolate yumminess. When finished eating, his wife gently took the napkins she had and washed his mouth clean.
I thought about this and I could feel the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. Think of something else Dallas, anything else and look away, that is what I kept telling myself. But I couldn't turn away, still I sat and watched and thought about this. An action that may seem so small to others had now consumed my mind. I pondered life and what the future holds for me. How well will I be able to take care of myself?
I have always pictured myself as some fiesty old lady. One quick on her feet-old yes, but not incapable of doing things for myself. Especially something as simple as cleaning my own mouth. Am I wrong for thinking that I will go on living my life without any complications? Absolutely not! But, I should also remind myself that it is okay to let others do things for me from time to time. If you know me, and you know me well, then you know just how stubborn I can be. I guess it's that Dulin blood in me. I had to remind myself that life might not always go as planned. I may be incapable of doing things at some point in my life. I may need someone to take care of me. While this saddens me, I also have to know that this is okay. It is okay to let others do for me.
So if that day should ever come when I need someone to simply wipe my mouth off, I pray that my husband will be right by my side to do so. After all he is the one to lift me up when I am weak, he wraps his arms around me, his love catches me, so it is okay to let go and let him do for me. I also need to know that no matter what the future has in store for me, I can also rest assured that God will ultimately do the same. He does lift me up when I am weak, he wraps his arms around me when I need it the most and his love always carries me through. He continues to be with me when I can't see, and to seek his heart is all that I need. I praise him for reminding me that it is okay to let go and allow others to do for me. I can't do it all by myself. Thank you Lord for lifting me up and always carrying me. I know you will do the same when I am old and gray.

Seize the Day!

If you knew the very day, even down to the moment you were doing to die, would you choose to live your life differently? This is a question I have often pondered. To me, death is not something to be taken lightly, as we are NOT promised tomorrow. Just like a theif in the night, death is coming. It is up to us how we choose to live our lives. How differently would you do things tomorrow? Would you in fact even want to know?
I think sometimes we forgot how fragile life can be. Sometimes it takes a tragedy for us to receive a "wake up" call. We tend to go on about our daily rountines and death seems to be the farthest from our minds. I am not saying we should think about death constantly. Who wants to live their life in fear? I just think we need not forgot about it.
So then, how differently would you choose to live out your life? Would you choose to hold your spouse a little longer? Would you call up that old friend you have been meaning to call for weeks now? Would you tell your loved ones how much they mean to you? A billion questions come to mind when I asked myself that very question.
When I do die, I would like to say that I have lived my life to the fullest, that I have loved with all my heart, that I did make those calls, that I told my husband, son and family how much I truly love and care about them. The truth of the matter is, we all have an expiration date. Some may go on to live a lifetime, while others may live only a few seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months or years. We don't know what tomorrow holds. We go about our busy lives making plans and looking forward to what the future has to bring. I don't think this is a bad thing, it just makes me realize more and more the things I take forgranted and just how much God has truly blessed me. I should pick up that phone and make that call, tell my family and friends how much they mean to me, and how much I appreciate them. I should be thankful that the Lord has given me another day to do just that. Don't be afraid to live your life. Go out of your way to make someone else happy, plan a trip to the beach, have ice cream for breakfast, dance in the rain, play hide and seek, sing to the tops of your lungs, laugh till you cry, roll your windows down and let the wind blow through your hair, go skinny dipping, walk bare foot through the grass, love like you have never loved before, live life to the fullest! Sieze the day! These are all things we should do. Do not take your life forgranted, or the life of another. Cling to what is dear to you!
I am not scared of death, I know it to shall come. I can rest assured that I will spend the rest of my days in glory with he that is seated on the thrown! It is my prayer however, that I do make the most of my days here on Earth. I pray that I hold tight to my husband and my son. That they know how much I do love and cherish every day with them. I pray my friends know how much I value them and their friendship. I pray that I live my life to the fullest, and that I never take my life or anyone else's forgranted. I praise the Lord for all of life's blessings, as I know I surely don't deserve them. Thank you Lord for the big and little things. Thank you for reminding me of your almighty power and love.
Thank you for choosing to lay down your life, so that I might spend eternity with you in Heaven. Thank you for giving me another day!

Happy Mother's Day

Being a Mom is one of the most rewarding jobs there is in the world.  I could not have asked for a better son. The Lord has truly blessed me and I could go on and on for days bragging about my four year old, James. I honestly never knew my heart could love so much, and sometimes I am so over filled with joy, that I feel like I could literally burst. Sometimes I just look at him in amazement. I have said it before and I will say it again, my cup runneth over! My son always knows how to lift me up when my spirits are down, he always knows how to put a smile on my face. The sound of his voice alone, brings a huge smile. He is my everything. I love that little Butterbean. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of him laughing, and when he sleeps, there is nothing more precious and content. He is my world, my MIRACLE, and I can never thank God enough for allowing me to be called his Mother.
 I never knew how rewarding being a Mother could be, until I held my little bundle of perfection for the first time. My heart had melted. He had me wrapped from that moment on. The smell of baby lotion, pampers diapers and baby shampoo have forever impacted my life. I never knew little naked butts could be so cute! I am forever grateful to have the opportunity to be called a Mom. I wish I could put into words how much my life has changed. I find myself so madly in love with this little man. I will forever be thankful for God for allowing me the privledge to be a Mom, as I know others aren't as lucky as I. I can't imagine my life without him. When he is away, I feel like something is missing, and I find myself longing to be in his presence.
I thank my Mom for being an example of what a loving Mother should be and it is my prayer that I can live up to her potential. If I can love my son, like my Mother has loved me, then I know I am doing a good job. I pray that I never take being a Mother, forgranted. I pray that I never take my son forgranted and I pray that the Lord blesses me with many days to spend with him. My Monkey, My Butterbean, My Peanut Butter Cup, nothing and no one could ever change the fact how much you mean to me.
I pray that all Moms have a very blessed Mothers Day, and I also pray that we Mom's never take this valueable role forgranted. There are many Moms out there, who have lost sons and daugthers. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain their hearts must feel. It is my prayer that those Mothers remember their loved ones and I pray that there hearts be filled with much joy. I also pray for those who have lost their Mothers. There is no one in the world who could ever take their place. I pray the Lord brings you much needed peace and may you rejoice in their memories. As for me, I will treasure the time I have with my son tomorrow and I pray that these moments will forever be embeded in my heart. Happy Mothers Day to all!

Growing Up

It occured to me the other day, just how fast my my son, James is growing up. He turned four the end of March, and apparently he now has been made aware of this. I lay in bed the other morning and James comes walking in with a smile upon his face. I ask for my morning love which consists of a quick hug and kiss and sometimes some snuggle time with my little buddy. Nothing in the world can compare to this. I love it when he just lays there and talks to me. I never know where his conversations will take us. He has a vivid imagination and sometimes I am amazed at the topics he brings up. This morning was different however. He did give me my morning love, but then quickly said "hold on Mommy, I'll be right back." He comes running back in with pen and paper in hand. He looks at me bright eyed and says "Mommy I'm gonna draw something for you." He grabs the pen and paper and immediately his creation is brought to life. He says "look Mommy, I drawed you a baby." I say "A baby?" James again looks at me and says "yes a baby". I tell him thank you and he then slowly makes his way into the kitchen where Jeremy is cooking breakfast for us.
I can hear their voices over the crackle and sizzle of bacon frying on the griddle. James in an excited voice says "Look, Look Daddy, look at what I drawed Mommy." Jeremy takes the picture and I hear James say "I drawed her a little baby" Jeremy asks "Why a baby?" Expecting James to say something like because I want a baby sister or brother, I hear him say "so Mommy will quit calling me her baby." While my husband found this to be hysterical, I on the other hand, did not. I lay in bed and thought about these words for a minute. I know my son was speaking the truth, but somehow those words had hurt my spirit. To me it doesn't matter how old my son gets, he will ALWAYS be my baby. Nothing could ever change that in my eyes. To my son though, he is now four years old which makes him a BIG Boy, one of the guys, I suppose. Now that he is four, I guess he feels it's now time to take on the world.
I know my son must grow, and with each year another birthday will come. It is inevitable. I guess I just somehow want to cling to all these moments. My husband says I shouldn't "baby him" so much and I suppose my husband is right (even though I hate admitting this). I just look at my son and I can still see the innocence in his big blue eyes. I just don't want that to go away. That means everything to me. I just want to call a "stop time" but I know that is not how life works. I know that seasons will come and seasons will go, and just like the hands on a clock, time is of the essence.
Pretty soon my son will be in school and doing things that I would normally do for him. I just pray that James will always know just how very special he is to me. I suppose I should start letting him take on the world, but for me it will take baby steps. He will and forever will be my baby though. I made a deal with him (yes a deal with my four year old) that I will stop calling him my baby, as long as he allows me to continue to calling him Butterbean. This he didn't seem to mind, and I too was happy. I suppose it takes a Mother to truly understand how I feel and where I am coming from. It is hard letting him go. But I guess that is what we as parents must do. We come into this world as a baby and slowly make our decent into adulthood. We eventually must leave our nests and make homes of our own.
I pray that God is with my son as he grows and that he will help me along the way to let go. Until then, I will always and forever cherish these moments. In my heart, my son will forever be My Baby, My Butterbean, My Life.

How Great Thou Art

We had church today at my place of work. The residents slowly made their way into the family/living room, ready with open hearts and minds to hear Gods word. Boger City Baptist came in this morning, and thus the praise hymns began. I sat at my desk and just smiled as I heard the old familiar chourus of "How Great Thou Art". This was mostly sung off key and one gentlemens voice stood out above the crowd. He was LOUD and ahead of the music. It was one of those things where you cannot help but laugh. As I sat there, I was taken back to church days as a little girl. I can still hear the choir and congregation now. Then, those hymns might not have meant as much, as then I did not fully understand God's love and grace. Those old hymns mean much more to me these days.
When I hear the sweet words of "How Great Thou Art" I am reminded of my Gramps, Hubert B. Williams who passed away when I was only nine years of age. This was his favorite hymnal. Even though it has been 21 years since the Lord called him home, I can still picture him as he was. Most likey standing in the kitchen with a peanut butter and banana sandwich, or down in his garden digging away. My Gramps always had the best garden. And I don't know why, but food always seemed to taste better when he made it. Even though those 21 years have come and gone, I still think of him often. I often wish he were still alive and with us today. I wish he would have had the opportunity to meet my son. I can just see the smile on his face right now. I am thankful that a hymn of praise can bring back so many fond and wonderful memories. Now my Gramps gets to sing "How Great Thou Art" any time he wants, only now, it is in the presence of Jesus. How Great Thou Art!
Next was "Victory in Jesus" and still the one mans voice rang out above the crowd.
I left my desk for a minute and snuck a peak around the corner. There the residents were, wheelchairs and all, singing to the top of their lungs. It's didn't seem to matter that everyone was off key and either ahead or behind when singing the chourus. They were simply praising the Lord. No matter the tune, I am sure this was pleasing to the Lord. You see God doesn't care what you have on, where you attend church, how bad the music might be, or how off key you yourself may sound. All he cares, is that when you praise him, you do it with an open heart.
I was saddened this morning because it was my weekend to work. Another Saturday and Sunday to come and go and me wishing I was some place else. I wanted to be at my own church this morning. I wanted to play catch up with my family and friends. I wanted to be anywhere else, but there, stuck at work. Coming in this morning was a struggle for me. I was simply tired and wanting so badly to be anywhere but there. Within 15 minutes of being there (work), none of that seemed to matter. God had brought church to me. I may not have been in the room physically to hear Gods message today, but God brought his message to me through others. I had church today and I thank the Lord for it. I can still hear those old hymns. "How Great Thou Art" "Victory in Jesus" and "God I Come". I thank the Lord for those hymns and I thank him once again for reminding me of just how great he is. Until next time, I will cling to the old rugged cross.

Take Up Your Cross...

And Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." This is quoted from Matthew 16:24. Today I was again reminded of Jesus unfailing love for me. I was making my way home from work today, when I saw a group of young men and women carrying crosses throughout downtown Lincolnton. What a sight this was. I quickly honked my horn and waved at them. I couldn't help but to wonder what it must have been like to be a disciple, sitting at a table with the Messiah and having what would be their last supper together. My mind begin to quickly wonder. How much different am I from Judas and Peter? Every day I fall short of this glory, and yet he was willing to die for me on a cross! He was ridiculed, beatten and denied. He was made a mockery of and yet, even at that moment, he knew that was the only way to save me of my sins. His blood was shed for me, so that I might have eternal life. If that isn't love, then I don't know what is. My mind drifted to the Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder what must have been going through Judas mind when he betrayed Jesus that night with a kiss? I wonder what it must have been like to be the  soilder who had his ear cut off by Peter and then healed by Jesus? What were his thoughts? How many times could Jesus have said no, and in one instant everything could have stopped? But no, he didn't he said "not my will, but yours be done" He did not petiton his Father. He prayed earnestly. He obeyed his Father and he did it without complaint.
He allowed the soilders to take him. He allows the jewish leaders to condemn him, and yet he still acknowledges that he is the son of God. He did this all for you and me. He allows Pontius Pilate to give him a death sentence. The days to follow, Jesus would endure unmeasureable pain. I can't even begin to fathom the pain and sufferning he endured. They placed a crown of thorns upon his head and before he is nailed to the cross a sign is written simply stating "INRI" meaning King of the Jews. How many times do we make a mockery of him? I wonder what it must have been like to be a part of the crowds that day? Would I pick up my cross and follow him, or would I be among those yelling "crucify him"?
I think about Mary and how her heart must have been shattered into a million pieces. She knew what was happening to her son, and yet she could do absolutely nothing about it. What if I were in her shoes? I then began to think about the two criminals that were also crucified that day, one on the left and one on the right side of Jesus. To hear Jesus utter the words to the one "truly I say to you, that today you shall be with me in paradise." Even while Jesus is hanging on a cross in agony and pain beyond belief, he shows his love for all man kind. This criminial now had assurance that he would be by Jesus side.
My mind then comes to Jesus. I try to put myself in that place that very day. My mind has often dwelt among this. All the depictions that I have ever seen, seem to be the first things that run through my head. I picture the sky as a deep dark grey, I can see the three crosses, but it has always been hard for me to visualize the criminals. I seem to be fixated upon Jesus. I see a man in a purple robe, he appears lifeless. It hurts me to look upon his body. I can see blood literally pouring from him, and the crown of thorns driven into his head. His eyes always seem to stand out because even though his body appears lifeless, his eyes have seen the glory. That is what I envision when I think about the cross. I think about God's love and the compassion he had in his heart even while hanging there. He suffered, bled and died for me, but mostly I think about these words "it is finished." God had paid the ultimate penalty, he gave his life for mine.
I hope that when you think of the cross, you think about God's love for you. I hope that you too have your own depiction of what it must have been like that day. Most of all, I want you to remember that his story does not end there. On the third day, Jesus rose again, and he is still alive today. Let that not be forgotten!
And Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." When can we say "It is finished?"

Memories of a Photograph

A book of memories, that is what a photo album is to me. One would be amazed at the things you could find while cleaning my house. This is a daily rountine for me. Life as a Mom is a never ending task, but for a moment I am taken back. I am reminded of good days and the memories, like a flood, come rushing back to me. I slowly make my way through dozens of old photos. They are mainly of me, old time friends, and family. Each photo taken has a memory of it's own. It's like a time capsule compiled in one big book. I stare at each recalling the specific time and date that is was taken. Some of are prom and old boyfriends. Some of youth trips, and some of me and my BFF goofing off. I sit and think about those days. Seems like it was just yesterday. I stare at those photos and wonder what I was thinking at the exact moment that memory was captured. I smile for a minute. It amazes me how much I have changed and grown as a person.
I flip through the photos some more and come across pictures of Jeremy and I when we first started dating. Man I wish I was the same size now! That is the first thought that pops into my head. I look a little more and I am taken back to camping trips, car shows, and vacations that I hoped would never end. Man where has the time gone? Why didn't someone tell me I was getting fat? Haha...
I look a little further and it's like the years have jumped ahead. There are pictures of James everywhere. Seems like everyday was a photo shoot. Give me a camera and I become the paparazzi. There are photos from the time he was born till now. I look at each photo and realize how much he has grown. I stare at those longs locks of hair and BIG blue eyes. I am grinning from ear to ear. These photos are much more then just memories to me. They are my life. It's like a story book waiting to be read. Each photo is different and each photo has it's own story to tell. There can never be enough. From time to time I am sure I will come back to these photos. I hope the memories are just as sweet. Until then, these are the memories of a photograph.

Happy 4th Birthday James

It is exactly 4 days until my lil Man, James turns 4 years old. It seems like just yesterday I had him swaddled in blankets and wrapped up closely in my arms. I can still remember looking down at him with amazement. He too, would look up and just stare into my eyes. James was a happy baby. Always content and always smiling. He has brought so much joy into mine and Jeremy's lives. My little bundle of perfection! I cannot praise God enough for bringing this child into the world and for allowing me to call him mine.
I sit here wondering what the next 4 years will bring. I cannot wait to watch him grow and learn. While I am happy for these moments, I am also saddened at the same time. I look back on all the days that have so quickly gone by and wonder where did all that time go? Right now, James is so sweet and innocent. To him our world is perfect, nothing can harm him. He looks to his Mommy and Daddy for everything. We are his Rockstars and I hope that is something that will never change. I think about James growing into a young man and it makes me wonder how much he will want to do with his Mom? I know pretty soon it will be all about Daddy and "boy' stuff. I guess deep down inside it makes me feel less needed. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I just want to bottle all of life's precious moments and keep them to myself.
I thank the Lord for giving my Butterbean another year with his family. I would be so lost with out him. I look forward to seeing that beautiful face each morning that God allows me to awake. He is my miracle from above and I love him to pieces. Even after 4 years I find myself starring in awe over him. Sometimes it feels like I am lost in a deep dream...I hope this dream never ends, as this is the best dream ever. I pray that I never take him and his love forgranted. Shame on me if I ever do. I will never forget when the doctor placed him in my arms for the very first time. This fragile little life was mine. I was now a Mom and Jeremy was a Dad. These are the moments that are forever embeded in your heart. Those moments speak to your soul and you are forever changed. I am so grateful that the Lord chose me, Dallas to be the Mother of this precious and loving child. I remember looking at Jeremy, then back at James and thinking to myself we are now our own little family. I thank God for the both of them.
I cannot say what the next 4 years has to offer, but I do know that I have been richly blessed. Blessed beyond recognition. I pray my Monkey has a blast on his Birthday. I cannot wait to see that little face lite up. Happy Birthday, James Ryan Welch. You are loved more then you could possibly know.
Love,
-Mommy-

What is love?

Did you know that the word love is one of the most googled on the internet? What is love? I think so many ask that question, and I think so many have their own definition. The wikipedia defines the word love as an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. I think love is something so powerful, it is one of God's ultimate gift to us. I think to love, you must first love yourself. I think love mostly displays it's wonder and it's beauty when found in the intimate relationship between two people. Love is something that transforms you, it changes who you are as a person. There are those who have loved for only a short time and those who have loved a lifetime. To me, love is much more then an emotion, it is something that will forever change your life. No matter the outcome, when we love, our hearts are forever transformed.
Have you ever taken the time to stop and look around you? I am sure that no matter where you are, if you look hard enough, you will find love. I like to gaze upon those new in their relationship. I am always taken back. I am reminded of my youth. I mostly think back to the time my husband and I first started dating. I wanted to make sure I looked my best at all times. My hair, my clothes and makeup just had to be perfect. Friday and Saturday nights were always looked forward too. They were typically date nights. We just wanted to be in each other's presence. I guess it's like trying a new food for the first time...once you have discovered it's wonderful flavor, it's hard to stop coming back for more.
When I think about love, I also think about my son. I think about this wonderful creation that was given to me. I see his sweet face and it brightens up my day. There are times when I find myself just sitting there looking at him and praising God that he is mine. My heart is overflowed with unspeakable joy. He is my sunshine. There is never a dull moment with this kid. In my eyes he is perfect. It's an innocent kind of love, and I never thought my heart could love so much. It reminds me of the movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas...it's like my heart has grown three times it's size. He is my world and I would be lost without him.
I also think about the elderly when the word love comes to mind. I love to sit and people watch from time to time. You can learn a lot just by sitting and watching someone. This especically rings true while watching elderly couples. I am new at my place of work, but from time to time I get to "people watch" from the front window of the office. Friday while at work, there just so happened to be an elderly couple sitting in our lobby. The gentlemen is a resident of ours and his wife and kids had stopped in for a visit. The two love birds sat by the window in the corner of the room. Both their bodies appear fragile and pale, but their love for one another lit up the room. Both sat in silence for awhile. They mostly gazed upon one another. The gentlemen took his wife's hand and placed it in his. As they sat there, he gently stroked his aged fingers across her hand. I couldn't help, but to think about my Pawpaw. This brought an emotion of tears and joy all at the same time. I sat quietly and watched them through the window. They were both in love and it didn't seem to matter who was around them. I finally heard the gentlemen ask his wife if she wanted to go back to his room. He was concerned about her because she was cold.
As I sat and watched, my mind was full of all kinds of thoughts. Mostly about what I will be like when I am old and grey. I thought about Jeremy and our love for one another. Will we still have the same kind of love in our hearts? I also thought about my life and what I would do if I ever lost my husband? When you are young those sort of things seem to be the farthest from your mind. What would I do and who would I be without him? I know the day will come when we will have to say our goodbyes, but it is my hope and my prayer that it is when we are much older. Maybe our love is strong enough to carry us both home together. No matter the cost, or when that day comes, I would have much rather loved then to have been alone.
I think God has someone special out there for all of us. Some of us may get to experience the power of love before others, but no matter what, when we love with our hearts, whether today or tomorrow, we as humans are forever changed.
John 3:16 says that God loves us so much that he was willing to give his own son, so that we might have eternal life. I don't think there is any love greater then that. "We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can fly only by embracing each other." -Luciano de Crescenzo
What is love?

Hello...My name is Bobby

As many of you may or may not know, I have been in and out of a job since the year 2009. So to my dismay, when I found out I would be losing my nanny position...I thought "Ohh Boy, here we go again." It has been a struggle for me to know what God's calling is for my life. I know life has many ups and downs and God NEVER gives us more then we can handle, but it was hard for me not to be discouraged. I just wanted to feel liked I belonged somewhere and not be defined by a job title and/or a number. I say all this, to say that I serve a loving and gracious God and he will ALWAYS make his presence known.
I found out on a Sunday evening that I would be losing my nanny position and the very next day I get called for an interview. I cannot even begin to explain the number of jobs I have applied for through out these past couple of years. Then "poof" all of the sudden I get a call at the right time and the right place? Don't tell me our God doesn't work in mysterious ways. He has a plan and a purpose for all of us. We may not see or get it at first, but God will always make his presence known in our lives. If you don't believe me, just test him. You can rest assured he will show his awesome and mighty works.
He showed me his will and his way by offering me a job. I must say though even after all this, I doubted his will. I was discourgaed b/c what I thought would be a full time job was only going to be part time and the pay well...let's just say it is not exactly what I had in mind. I struggled with how I was going to provide for my family. My number one concern was how in the world I was going to pay for childcare!
Again...God was about to show me his awesome works. One of my really good friends from church agreed to watch my son, James for us. She does not ask for much and I can rest assured in the fact that my son is being taken care of. Whats even more amazing is that I also get to spend time with my son on my days off. As a parent this has been a struggle for me, letting someone else watch my child. Me, being a Mother naturally wants to provide and be there for my child. God has pretty much allowed me to be with my son since day one. Maybe this part time thing isn't so bad. In regards to financial circumstances, sure it is not easy, but I still have a roof over my head, clothes to keep me warm and food to put in my mouth. What have I got to complain about?
God has also provided me with Christian co-workers. I don't feel like I am being judged everytime I walk through the door. It is so satisfying to know that others share the same faith as me. Even during my interview God seemed to be the number one topic.I love knowing that I can clock in and be greeted by wonderful people and if I should have a bad day, I have others there to lift me up. Then there are the residents...
"Hello, my name is Bobby." That is what I heard while sitting at the front desk waiting on the phone to ring. I look up and see a man sitting in a wheel chair smiling at me. I say "Hey my name is Dallas, how are you doing today?" We make small talk for a minute. Bobby is upset b/c the candy machine is broken and he is craving something chocolate. I apologize and then proceed to ask what his favorite candy is. He says anything chocolate with caramel. Sounds like Bobby and I have something in common. I love me some chocolate! We go on to talk about how long he has been a resident there. He is looking forward to the day he will finally be discharged. He proceeds to tell me that his daugther works at the facility as well and that he is happy that he gets to see her every day. He misses being at home with his wife though and wants some of her good ole fried chicken. He proceeds to tell me that the food there is just not the same. I then find out that Bobby was also a pastor of a church and that he is mainly at the facility because he is on dialysis. He tells me that even through all this his God is a good God. Wow what a testimony. Again...what do I have to complain about.
Bobby and I continue to talk for a little while. I can tell he is tired as he starts to doze off while we are chatting. He then tells me it was nice meeting me and that he thinks he will take a nap before dinner time. As he makes his way back to his room, he looks at me still smiling and says "God Bless". Again I was reminded of Gods love.
For all of those struggling with who you are or what tomorrow might bring your way, please know that God is in control and again he never gives us more then we can handle. Just when you think you have nothing else to look forward to, I can assure that God will show his mighty works. Take a look at all the blessings around you. Once you do, I am pretty sure you will see God's fingerprints. Whether it be through good works of a great friend, a close loved one, a new job or someone you just met, his fingerprints are everywhere.
Hello...My Name is Bobby.

Reflections

It's hard to know where to begin when looking back on the past year. There have been a lot of ups and downs. Nothing too crazy or exciting to tell you about, but happy that God has given me another year to look forward to. If your anything like me, then it's hard to believe this is the year 2013! Where does the time go? Seems like yesterday I was graduating from High School and planning life as a college student.
I can't recall much of January 2012, so I will start with February. As I go along, you may notice that big chunks of the year are missing...sorry but I am going by memory here! On February 4th 2012, Jeremy and I celebrated are sixth year wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything too fancy, but I do recall him taking me to dinner at Kobes. Oh yeah, we also spent the weekend watching the Superbowl. I do rememeber that. Haha! So for those of you considering an early wedding in February...maybe you should reconsider, especially if your soon to be hubby is a huge football fan. You will NEVER hear the end of it. Trust me! Hey...it is not my fault that superbowl weekend switched from the last weekend in January to the first weekend in February! Men! LOL
In March, my precious son, James turned three years old. We enjoyed the day by having family and friends over. Jake and the Never Land Pirates was the theme. He loves that show and I cannot tell you how excited I was when I walked into Walmart and saw they had the plates, cups, and napkins to match his theme. I would do anything for that little man! I also had a girls night out in February. It ended up just being me and my cousin Kristin, but we had fun. We ate at Sportspage that night, took some crazy pics and then got buck wild at my house watching movies all night. Woot Woot!
In April, I spent most of my time taking photos and promoting my Photos By Dallas business. I still have a LONG way to go, but things have started picking up, and I must say this is a great passion of mine. I wish this is something I could do long term. Who knows...maybe one day I will have my own studio. A girl can dream can't she?
In May of 2012, my sister in law, Chantel, graduated from Western Carolina University. We had family fly in from Utah and then we all made the 2 hour trip to the University to watch her walk across the stage. After graduation, we all went and ate at Zaxby's and then headed back home. In May, I also accepted my nanny job. I started there on May 12th. I had turned down a position at a Veterinary Hospital, so that I could save money on daycare and bring James with me to work.  I also turned the BIG 30 on May 27th. I must admit, this was not a Birthday that I was looking forward to. It must be a woman thing...at least that is what Jeremy says. Either way I was not looking forward to it. Jeremy tried to make me feel better about this by having a cookout at the house with family and friends. It wasn't so bad after all.
In June of 2012, Jeremy also turned the BIG 30. James and I spent the month trying to find the perfect Birthday gift for him. After all that, I think we ended up getting him a gift card and a pair of blue jeans from American Eagle. We also had a Birthday celebration at his parents house. We had his favorite...Lasanga. His Mom makes the best homemade Lasagna.
In July we celebrated the 4th at Lake Lure, NC. It was a nice get away. We went with my parents and stayed in a cabin. There was a HUGE master bedroom with a King size bed. I remember the bed b/c when James would lay in it, I remember thinking how small and innocent he looked. I also remember waking up with him in our bed and still having plenty of room to stretch out or just to snuggle. While on vacation we also took James Gem Mining. I got some awesome pictures of he and Jeremy. After mining, we all cooled off by walking in in the river. James thought it would be nice to sit down and was literally soaking wet. He didn't seem to mind. We had to strip him down when we put him in the car to head back to the cabin. He keep saying "why am I riding home naked"?
In August 2012, I took the kids that I nanny for to Lazy Five Ranch in Mooresville, NC. This was an experience to say the least. It's one of the those places were you drive thru and feed the animals at the same time. Never in my life would I have imagined so many furry creatures walking up to my car. The best part was getting to feed the Giraffes. I literally climbed out the drivers side window and held the bucket of feed up to their mouths. The only downside to this little adventure were the scratches that were left on my car by some of the animals hooves.
In September we spent most our weekends out by the Firepit. We would roast hotdogs and make smores. James loves this and for whatever reason, hotdogs seem to taste best over an open flame. I also made the mistake of posting a joke on Facebook about expecting...expecting Santa that is in 12 weeks. Some people didn't take the time to read this through.
October was a good month. I was excited to decorate the house in fall colors and take James to the Pumpkin Patch. We went to Lewis Farms in Gastonia, NC. Mom, Nichole and Alli came with us. It was a nice farm and some place we had not been before. There was a pig their that had just given birth earlier that morning. We all enjoyed watching the piggies feed. I could tell that the mother was literally exhausted. James and Alli spent most of the time playing on the hay bales and throwing hay at one another. Those two have some of the most beautiful smiles. Watching them play made me feel like a little kid all over again.
November was quick to follow. I was looking forward to spending time with family on Thanksgiving. It was a little different this year. Normally we have breakfast at Jeremy's parents house and then from there head to my Mammaw and Pawpaw's house in Charlotte. Man I wish I could explain to you just how good that food is. It literally is food for the soul. Nothing can compare. This year we had lunch at my parents house instead. The kitchen was full of food and yes it was tasty, but not the same. There is just something about my Aunt Cindi's macaroni and cheese, Aunt Cheryls Mashed Potatoes and my Mammaws gravy, stuffing and sweet tea. Ummm...I can taste it all now. Cracker Barrel can't even compare to this...and I LOVE me some Cracker Barrel. For what ever reason, Mom and I stopped in that night at my Mammaws and Pawpaws house. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that we did. I could tell that they missed having everyone down at the house, but I also understand as to why. With age it gets harder to do some things. Either way, I am glad that we stopped. Mom and I sat and takled with Mammaw and Pawpaw for awhile and then we headed back to my parents house.
December...Yay! It was finally here! We have had a tradition now for several years to go to the Mountains the first weekend in December and get our Christmas Tree. Typically we go with my parents. James, Mom and I ususally make our way up to the Moutains before Dad and Jeremy. This year we stayed in Boone. I have always loved in up there, esp. Blowing Rock. I swear I would pack my bags and move there in a heart beat!
Mom, James and I all stopped for lunch at Chickfila. This is a favorite of all ours, but especially James. We initally were in the drive thru line, but James insisted on dinning in. So...as usual James got his way with those beautiful blue eyes. After lunch James talked us into going in the play area. Little did I know the laughs would soon follow. James somehow managed talking me into coming and sliding with him. Lets just say I have never been shocked so many times in my life, or had so much static in my hair. Did I mention the part were my pants fell down and my butt crack was literally exposed for the whole Chickfila restaurant to see? This was just in time for Mom to snap the perfect pciture and for James to start calling me "butt crack girl". That was the start to a wonderful weekend. On Sunday we picked out our Christmas Trees and then headed home.
We spent the rest of the day decorating and I even began to start wrapping some gifts.
It wasn't until December 7th that those wonderful events began to change. On Friday some crazed young man in Newtown, CT thought it would be okay to walk into an Elementary school and start shooting. Innocent lives had been taken. I cannot tell you how many times I cried that day.
December 17th came...that night I got a call from my Mom letting me know that she and Dad were headed to the Hospital. My Pawpaw had just been diagnosed with liver cancer. This is not something you want to hear...much less near Christmas time. December 24th...Christmas Eve, I get the call that Pawpaw has now passed. Even though I am sad, I can rejoice in the fact that he is no longer in pain and suffering. He is with God now and has been reunited with his son, John. Despite all that has happened, my Pawpaw and Mammaw still want to have Christmas Eve as planned at their house. Lord, please give me the strength to make it through.
December 29th...we say our final goodbyes to my Pawpaw as we lay him to rest. The night before James and Jeremy stopped to get a haircut. James tells us he wants his hair short and spikey. He looks like a totally different person. This would be a BIG hit at the funeral. My Mammaw hugs him and says "ohh if only your Pawpaw were here to see him now". As the days past and we see more people...this is all we hear about...James haircut.
December 31st...we ring in the New Year while laying in bed. Welcome to 2013!